OCD out of control

[journogirl]

:sad:

i was wondering if anyone can help.

i will start with a bit of background

im 25- i have successful job and am confident on the outside-

 

when i was 17 my father had an affair with his secretary whilst my mother had cancer and he walked out on us. it was such a difficult time yet i had to grow up alot and care for my mother so i didnt have time to grieve the loss fully or come to terms with it

 

since then i have struggled with my appearance and some very odd behavioural complexities which may well sound totally bizarre

 

they have come out as i approached adulthood and are worse and worse now.

 

Ive been like it for years with my personal appearance wanting to look perfect and spending hours on my hair and makeup and looking my best

i get anxious if i feel i dont look how i want to and worry that people wont like me as much if im not pretty or look my best.

 

another very strange ocd i have which will sound crazy is with the weather....

 

when im with people and the weather is bad I think they are having a bad time so wont enjoy it which will reflect on me and make them think badly of me

Even with my closest friends and family

its like i want to control it but i never can.

 

if i have a trip or day out planned with people i will OBSESSIONALY check the weather maybe up to 25 plus times a day

panicking that it will be bad

its all consuming- i stay up late doing it and if its bad i feel overwhelmed and totally panicked

i know how weird this sounds trust me.

 

i wonder if all the stuff with my parents has just manifested itself in weird obsessive compulsions which is really common apparently, abit like the body dismorphia

Combine that with nearly losing my mum and I guess It threw me into a spin

I never had time to grieve any of it as I had to be the adult and care for my mum so I never had time to digest it and had to majorly grow up

 

Queue childish and weird behaviours now....

 

The weather thing is weird but i guess it could all be down to perfection like with my appearance too?

 

Its really weird to explain

 

i guess when u have parental abandonment it causes a huge ripple effect long into adulthood and can cause so many problems that manifest in really weird ways?

 

Especially as I was like 16 so I was at an impressional age

And when its a father aswell maybe a girl will always think its coz they didn’t love u enough?

Like I wasn’t pretty enough or fun enough or he didn’t enjoy being with me enough to stay so that now makes me worry that everything has to be perfect and I have to be or itl happen again.

 

Its not rational but that’s the nature of the beast

 

So basically i worry other people will do the same, as if a parent could then surely others would-

 

So its like a perfectionsim thing

So if I look perfect and the weather is perfect then people will always be happy around me and not leave me

 

Its really childish but its not something I can control on my own, its really complex

 

When im going somewhere with anyone I worry more about what the weather is like for them not me

Im fine on my own eg if it rained Id be fine but say if I was away with someone and it rained id freak out they werent having a good time and it would reflect badly on me

 

its totally consuming and exhausting

i have seen a therapist but it hasnt helped so may need something more specific?

 

Sorry this is long

 

Thanks for listening

[mouseno4]

Im afraid the best advice i can offer is to speak to your specialist. I doubt anyone on here is even remotely qualified to be able to help you apart from offer support and encouragement.

 

Damn, i really wish i could help half the people i read about on here, i really do. But unfortunately all i can really offer is my best advice and encouragement, like i have already stated. It is kinda annoying that i feel powerless to help.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and please, dont give up!

[beachbum642]

I am sorry to hear about your mother, I lost my mother when I was 15, my father did not leave, but he was very hard on me. Sometimes I really am not sure if he knew quite how to raise my brother and I. Even now in my life 10 years later I still have many things I go through due to the lose of my mother and how I was raised. I have thought many times of seeing someone to talk to because it may help. It is important for you to find someone who can help you find out what the deep issue is on why you feel the way you do. This way you can find happiness in your life and move forward. You will never forget your mother and all the things you did for her. In any case doing those things for her made you stronger and better. Many people do not understand what it is like to take care of there mother who is ill with cancer...it is a major task. Also many people do not know what it is like to lose there mother or father in your situation. So having someone to talk to and help you thru this is the best help I can give you. I know that now even with how Im feeling today that maybe I should see someone to help me as well.

[Miss Firecracker]

I have no solution to OCD, but I can say I relate to some of your rituals.

 

Since I have OCD to a lesser degree, I do sympathize.

 

What I suggest you do is stay extremely busy with hobbies. It helps me a LOT!

 

I cut my own hair at times because I want it perfect. And I bite my fingers until they bleed, so I think I qualify as OCD.