shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 after 1 month of going NC and my ex not returning any of my calls, he broke NC by sending me an email. a few message and fb likes every now and then (he put likes on my friends and families' post and any album as long as he sees that Im inside of the photo album or im part of the discussion) so anyway, i broke NC a month after he sent me the email, because wanted to say thanks because he greeted me during my birthday. and I also did send him a very very long letter, about everything that was on my mind, and everything I wanna say to him (it took me two months to write this letter) after i sent him the letter, i hid our relationship status in fb. and then hours as ive hidden our relationship in FB, i received a message from him on oovoo(which was really weird, i thought he deleted his account already, we just made an account there cause its faster than skype, and at that weird time, my oovoo did an auto-update in which it turned on by itself or something, i dunno) he said "i am sad to see that you change your stat already in fb, i know its my decision to break up, and I accept your following actions, i hope to you see again and he put "some things will ever hurt.." as his status on FB. so anyway *sorry for the grammar, he talks that way* after24 hours, i logged in to FB, saw that he changed his status aswell. (its gone already) and he left me a message on fb, telling me about his plans in life, and all, telling me he loves me, blahblah but he was not ready,and saying that I will always be "THE ONE" for him.. and that right now his only goal is to work on his career, and he won't be starting to date anyone soon. YEAH RIIGHTTTTTTT. ENAers,i need comments!! whatchathink? Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 If you were really "the one" he wouldn't be letting you go so that someone else can find out how great you are and to snap you up. Do yourself a favour and delete him from facebook so that you can heal. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 If you were really "the one" he wouldn't be letting you go so that someone else can find out how great you are and to snap you up. Do yourself a favour and delete him from facebook so that you can heal. but i read in ENA that some guys are afraid to be with the one they truly love, because they have been hurt so much in the past, and they dont wanna be hurt in the same way again, so that they settle for something less, atleast by that they have control over the situation and themselves. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 but i read in ENA that some guys are afraid to be with the one they truly love, because they have been hurt so much in the past, and they dont wanna be hurt in the same way again, so that they settle for something less, atleast by that they have control over the situation and themselves. Thats pretty deep psychology and utterly a load of poo. I'd take a girl I love over one I don't care about any day of the week. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 Thats pretty deep psychology and utterly a load of poo. I'd take a girl I love over one I don't care about any day of the week. haaaaaist. can't believe i just messaged him on fb a few minutes ago, i said "hello, can we talk? let me know when will you be available" GOSH! i shouldve just posted on ENA rather than sending the message to him. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 mtom is right. "I'm scared to be in a relationship with you" is another way of saying, "I'm not that into you". These same types of people are the same ones that will be in a relationship with someone different a week after tell you that. And let's say that the dumper IS telling the truth and it is true that they don't want to get hurt again, you should probably take them at their word and say "thank you for your time" and then high-tail it in the other direction. Because they are telling you that they are unavailable for a relationship so you must believe them even if you don't want it to be true. What do you need to talk to him about? Hasn't he told you already everything that you need to know? Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 What do you need to talk to him about? Hasn't he told you already everything that you need to know? I don't know. it just came out, i wasnt thinking, next thing I saw was, YOUR MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT. Now I look like a total fool, ive kept my cool for a very long time. ohgod, how do i deal with this? Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Then you need to learn how to control your impulses. Instead of acting on contacting him, you need to turn off the computer and go find something else to do it. If it makes it easier, then delete him as a friend on facebook (you won't move on until you do this) and block him. If that is what it takes to help you succeed in moving on, then do it. But you need to take responsibility. Messaging him doesn't just "happen". It's a choice. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 in a way, i want to advise him that i need to delete him on fb, i dont want him trying to email me again if he finds out suddenly that i deleted him on fb or blocked him, because everytime i see his name on my inbox, i go back to square one. and thats for real, i know you know the feeling. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 You don't need to tell an ex that you are deleting them. He dumped you. However, if it helps you to take the step to move on, let him know, then delete and block him from facebook and your email. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 whew. ya, I'l do that. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 You always feel better when you write / send a message for roughly 10 seconds until you realize you now have to deal with a reply. It's hard, but trust me the urge does eventually dissipate. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 You always feel better when you write / send a message for roughly 10 seconds until you realize you now have to deal with a reply. It's hard, but trust me the urge does eventually dissipate. but i sent it already, thats what i did during NC i write everything i wanna say to him, and then just store them in drafts or delete them. haaaaaaaayayay cant believe i said "can we talk" now, id be damned again cause im back to square one where all i can think about is waiting for his reply to my message. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 but i sent it already, thats what i did during NC i write everything i wanna say to him, and then just store them in drafts or delete them. haaaaaaaayayay cant believe i said "can we talk" now, id be damned again cause im back to square one where all i can think about is waiting for his reply to my message. It doesn't matter. Don't beat yourself up for what you have done, just learn from it and don't do it again. Theres a fair chance he will reply, so do not write back to that reply until you post what he says here and we will help you. Its like being an alcoholic, what you done is the equivalent of having 1 drink after being clean for a few weeks, as long as you stop before you end up passed out in the gutter thats whats important. You made the mistake, its ok, now focus on building up another 2 weeks of no contact. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 thank you mtom12, I think I'd deactivate my account for the meantime, i cant believe my world revolved around for quite sometime now. but maybe later Il change my mind again. GOSH. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 thank you mtom12, I think I'd deactivate my account for the meantime, i cant believe my world revolved around for quite sometime now. but maybe later Il change my mind again. GOSH. I wouldn't. Just leave the account activated. Give it 24 hours and see if he replies. Post what he says here. You should not deactivate the account you should remove him as a friend. (im not sure if you've done this yet) Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 You should not deactivate the account you should remove him as a friend. (im not sure if you've done this yet) I CAN'T il never forgive myself if I do that, and I can see myself begging him to add me back if I do that, we only have been together for 2 mos, and the next 5 mos were LDR. he's german im filipina. Link to comment
hello678 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I CAN'T il never forgive myself if I do that, and I can see myself begging him to add me back if I do that, we only have been together for 2 mos, and the next 5 mos were LDR. he's german im filipina. So? You've broken up. Theres no relationship anymore. What do you mean never forgive yourself? You must understand that he's gone. You told us yourself, he's gone. So delete him. The longer you leave him there the more you obsess over him. Link to comment
Gymboy Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Wow OP your story sounds pretty much identical to mine. You need to try and accept their decision and move on in life. Make plans that you can do by yourself and with friends and you'll soon be on the road to being back to your old self. Its been 3 weeks no contact for me and 4 weeks since the break up and i feel a lot better so there is hope. Try and see the break up as an opportunity to do everything you want to do, i'm going travelling next year with a uni friend for a year then doing a road trip accross the US at some point. Having plans gives you something to look forward to, just for yourself. You will have horrible days when you miss them like crazy and want to text or call them but remember that they have made this decision and you have to respect it. He wouldn't have broken up with you if he didn't really want to. Let them get on with their life and you get on with yours. Good luck man. Edit: Definitely delete him of fb. If you don't you will just obsess over him and check his facebook everyday, trust me i know, it just sets the healing process back as you realize they are moving on and your sat there obsessing over them. What are you going to do when the inevitable happens and he posts a picture of him with another girl or his relationship status changes? I know my ex genuinely doesn't want a relationship now but i also know she will be sleeping with other people and somewhere down the line she will be in another relationship, and i would rather not know what she's doing. Concentrate on yourself. They have made the decision that they do not want us in their lives, we as the dumpee's have to accept that and move on. Link to comment
betrayed911 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What you should do is CALM down go look yourself in the mirror...Is this you?NO ITS NOT YOU!!! But why are you acting like this???Becouse you're too emotional at this stage!!! Will you be like your self again???NO YOU WILL BE 100% BETTER,STRONGER,WISER!!! How,when?START from now,delete him from FB,ovo,skp,email-everywhere-DO NOT THINK WHAT WILL HE THINK,YOU do it for yourself-AND YES IT HELPS ALOT!!! See it as this way-,,If you love something-let it go,it will come back if it's was yours-If it doesn't it never was,, Now go for NC for 1 month and you will start feeling much better and not so emotional,you can do this-I know how hard it is,but give him the chance to miss you,to see whats his life WITHOUT you if you dont do that he WOUN'T come back-be sure.No contact no snooping,stalking,talking to mutual friends about it,talking to his family no nothing you have to make your self gone-if you want him back,and if you want to get over him! So either way-NC helps you Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 I CAN'T [remove him as a friend from fb] il never forgive myself if I do that, and I can see myself begging him to add me back if I do that, we only have been together for 2 mos, and the next 5 mos were LDR. he's german im filipina. Can't = don't want to. He is not your boyfriend so he has chosen not to be in your life anymore. All you are doing is RE-acting to his decision. But if you can keep your fb account deactivated for the next 6 months, then that's fine. But it's not the most ideal choice. Deleting him as a friend would be much better. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 Edit: Definitely delete him of fb. If you don't you will just obsess over him and check his facebook everyday, trust me i know, it just sets the healing process back as you realize they are moving on and your sat there obsessing over them. What are you going to do when the inevitable happens and he posts a picture of him with another girl or his relationship status changes? I know my ex genuinely doesn't want a relationship now but i also know she will be sleeping with other people and somewhere down the line she will be in another relationship, and i would rather not know what she's doing. Concentrate on yourself. They have made the decision that they do not want us in their lives, we as the dumpee's have to accept that and move on. yea, im definitely scared seeing the day he would post pics on his FB about his new relationship, although he says that his focus would be about his career, common, along the way, Im sure he will find someone. it just hurts so bad when I think about it. He always say that he's not ready. But then again he loves me. I JUST DON'T GET IT. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Someone can love and miss you, but still not want to be WITH you. There is a difference. Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 yeah! I think NC really did help me, thats why I was blown when I received a message from him, I should've deleted him from my FB months ago, but I really can't. AND YES, I still hope that one day we would get back together. I remember when i asked him why did he give up on us, I mean, he just left me n a snap, and then he said something like "You were scared with a lot of things, I can't tell you I'm scared too, because I was holding you in balance". but I'm so happy that we get to talk again, but I dunno how will I react if he would find another girl, and post stuff about them. and I didnt know that it was also such a bigdeal for him aswell (the relationship status on fb) urgggggh, so many thoughts are going thru my mind. I NEED SOMEONE TO SLAP ME. ASAP Link to comment
shatteredchick Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 I wouldn't. Just leave the account activated. Give it 24 hours and see if he replies. Post what he says here. You should not deactivate the account you should remove him as a friend. (im not sure if you've done this yet) "hi, yes of course we can talk. everytime. when you see me online you can message me and then we can talk.." mtom12>> this is his reply. Link to comment
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