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How to fight these lonely feelings of being single??

Aaliyah

By Aaliyah
in Dating Advice

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Aaliyah Enthusiast

Aaliyah

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One thing about me is that I always fear being alone. I've been someone who was more co dependent, I always needed people around me to feel happy or to feel loved. Usually when I'm by myself or I'm alone a lot, I tend to get anxiety and I get really depressed. As of late, these feelings have intensified. I've been trying so hopelessly for a long time to find a romantic partner but that ship has sailed and I give up. Honestly finding that one person who seems interested in me enough to be there for me seems like the only thing that will make me feel happy. I really don't feel much of a close connection with my family and friends. I really feel disconnected from everyone, I truly feel if I can find my soulmate, the one person that understands and that is there for me, I will be happy.

 

I'm just so tired of being alone with everything. It's the same thing and same people every day. I am active in life so please don't tell me to join clubs etc etc, I've done all of that and I basically get the same results.At the end of the day I end up alone. I don't understand why it's hard for me to make friends or why it's so hard to make a romantic partner. I am quite social and I get compliments all the time from people saying I'm beautiful and pretty so I don't get it. I don't understand why I just can't simply be happy alone.

 

Not to mention I'm pretty crushed over a guy I was soo into who gave me signals that he liked me too but it turned out he had a girlfriend. So now I'm trying to get over him and I'm really feeling some kind of way about this whole dating thing. Things just never work out the way I intend them to with guys. It's so frustrating, every time I like a guy I end up getting hurt in some sort of way. Overall I'm just tired of everything.

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Danny77 Explorer

Danny77

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Oh dear,

Sounds like someone needs a nice cup of tea?

 

Let me tell you one thing Aaliyah.

The one part of your existence you really have any control over, I feel, is your surroundings (sounds wrong I know)

but not in the way you can control them, but in the way you can control what is around you.

i.e where you are, the people you meet, the music you hear and the things you see.

Would you not think that maybe you need to reconsider a change of positioning in this life? Move citys? countries? or maybe just change your scene?

Change the sort of people you're meeting, dine elswhere, drink in that place you never went to before

Hearing you post is like someone being in a 5star restaurant and getting so sick of having the fillet steak all the time, same old steak every night bored bored bored, when there is a whole menu there to try.

Im not saying join clubs, f**k clubs, we're not 14 again.

Im saying close your eyes for just a second and remember what it is about being single that is so liberating and beautiful.

Go somewhere, anywhere and just be you, the you that you were happy to be at one time in your life and didn't need anyone else to have fun with.

 

As for finding the guy.

Chill hun, he's out there now and slowly making his way to you. So you'd better be in a better frame of mind when he gets there!

Another reason to knock the lonelyness on the head coz it's just temporary, its actually great to have some time to learn to be happy for when he arrives.

 

p.s did I mention that he has a Ferrari?

 

Smile.

 

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Leftright Rookie

Leftright

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OP,

Here's a little advice that was given to me a while back when I started feeling very down about my singleness, Take this time you have to embrace your aloneness, and really try to enjoy just being. It's times like these where you can really get more in touch with your creative side. If you think about the negative sides of being single, then you will miss out on the good aspects of the single life. There is an entire world out there to explore, whether in the literal sense, or not. Try something new that could peak some interest, and explore it further. You may find solice in your new found interest. And remember, there are probably millions of people out there experiencing the same feelings as you right now, so that being said, you are not alone. Keep your head up, and enjoy the greatest thing about being single...

 

Your freedom!

 

-LR

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He2Him Apprentice

He2Him

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It has never occurred to me I ''need'' someone by my side. Hence I don't really feel ''lonely'' at all. Perhaps because I'm too in love with myself I find idea of having someone to be a drag and restrictive. Conclusion is: Love yourself.

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mouseno4 Explorer

mouseno4

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I really hate it when people tell someone ''wow you are so pretty/handsome/thoughtful/blah blah, why are you single!?!''. People really dont know how hurtful it is to be told that when your single. Its even MORE hurtful when someone of the opposite sex (who is either unavailable/uninterested) tell you. If i had a dollar for every time i got told things like that by a girl... yep wont be needing that job for a while!

 

(single people would probably be screaming in their heads ''if that were true, why AM i single?'')

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Stay_home Explorer

Stay_home

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I really hate it when people tell someone ''wow you are so pretty/handsome/thoughtful/blah blah, why are you single!?!''. People really dont know how hurtful it is to be told that when your single. Its even MORE hurtful when someone of the opposite sex (who is either unavailable/uninterested) tell you. If i had a dollar for every time i got told things like that by a girl... yep wont be needing that job for a while!

 

(single people would probably be screaming in their heads ''if that were true, why AM i single?'')

 

Because people don't know what to say out of their mouths. For them it's a shot at making small talk, conversation. The less people know about your business, the better!

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cookiedough1 Explorer

cookiedough1

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I feel as if I could have written parts of the OP's post too. I'm 26 and I have been single for 3 years (apart from a few guys that I have dated for short periods). Lately, I've been feeling this heaviness as if something is wrong with me and I can't find men that want to be committed to me. I keep meeting men (not at clubs or anything) that seem interested but are at a point in their life where they can't or don't want to commit. It's hard to not take it personal at times.

 

What am I doing? I think the best thing to do is eliminate all negative influences and really focus on bettering yourself. I find that just making "to-do" lists of things that need to get done and actually starting to do them can make you feel better. I was talking to a guy who I felt was giving me extreme highs and lows (some days we'd really connect, other days he just seemed so disinterested) and I was getting way too emotionally attached to the outcome of our conversations. So I decided that I needed to at least give myself a few weeks of not talking to him to stop letting him have so much power over my feelings. It's so hard to do...but I think we have to be more aware of these things when we're single and I have to constantly keep myself from finding reasons to be down.

 

And as someone else said before, really getting in touch with your creative side does help. And yoga.

 

And definitely knowing you're not alone (pardon the pun) in this. There's a lot of us out there constantly combating feelings of loneliness so hopefully we can all just support each other

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