thisoneguy Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Things with my ex started to pick up again two weeks ago. We hung out all weekend, laughed, smiled and flirted. Two days later she sent me a text saying "I want to go to the Polaris Grill again, I want to go to the Zoo again, I want to go on a walk again....I want to spend time with you again." And she would contact me throughout last week with things like "Good Luck!" (I had a presentation that morning). The next day, after the "Good Luck!" day. I texted her and waited for a reply, my guy friends were waiting on me so I left about 30 mins after texting her to go to the pool at my apt. complex. I was there all day 1:30 - 8ish. I figured she was at work so I wasn't going to bother her. Well she was at work but she replied at 1:40 and then again at 2:30 and then at 3:30 and then once more at about 6:40. She was worried where I was. I finally replied a little after 8 and she was clearly upset. Since then she has been cold and dismissive in her texts, she says she will talk to me later but she never says anything. If I don't talk now she won't talk. Everything was going so well and then this happened. I explained to her what I did with my phone but she's not having it. I haven't been bugging her about it, i did happen to say "I know you're upset about me not replying. Why don't you talk to me about it?" and in response I got "Working" so I said "ok". Well it's been 8 hours since that "working" text and she's been off work since 9. This is how she has been acting for the past 4 days. How do I fix this? P.S. she already thinks I put everything before her so NC isn't going to work. She mentioned the night she was upset about me not repling that "You said you were fixing your problems. You didn't" - which when I asked what that was about she said "You still put everything before me"..which I never did, she just didn't realize all the things I had to move around so I could see her, I never told her so she didn't feel bad. Link to comment
FairyGodmother Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I think you need to call her up instead of continuing to text her about it. If she doesn't pick up the phone, call again, and if she doesn't pick up again leave her a message explaining the whole situation, to show that you really care. Basically just tell her everything you said in your post, that you thought everything was going really well until 4 days ago and that you were really excited about it. Let her know that just because you were unable to answer her texts for one afternoon, doesn't mean you care any less about her, and make sure that she knows that you're sorry if she worried. I would suggest also telling her that you'll tell her next time you won't be able to reply ahead of time, so that this doesn't happen again, and that way she'll know you're not ignoring her. Tell her that it also was unnecessary to accuse you of not fixing your problems, because you're putting in the effort to talk to her as much as you can, and that it's not really fair for her to hold that over your head for something so minor. If she can't handle you having a life besides her for one afternoon, I would say she's not worth it anyways... way too clingy. Good Luck! Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 P.S. she already thinks I put everything before her so NC isn't going to work. NC is not some sort of manipulative tool to get a person to do what you want. Link to comment
thisoneguy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 I've tried to call a couple of times. It always goes unanswered, well except one time she did answer it and then instantly hung up. She said she was texting her brother and was too busy to talk. And then stopped talking from there on. I then explained the situation, told her I didn't purposely ignore her and that I wouldn't do that to her. I also mentioned the things I've done to fix the problems in the relationship. She thought I was rubbing that in her face..which I told her I wasn't. about a week before this situation I was driving home late and she wanted me to text her when I made it home. After the 2 hour drive I forgot and fell asleep almost instantly. She texted 3 times worried and then called..which the call woke me up. She told me she was so worried she couldn't sleep. She brought this back up the night of the afternoon I didn't text her. I ALWAYS reply within a few minutes. It was just these two situations that have pushed her away. Link to comment
thisoneguy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 Just tried to call again. She picked up and hung up. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Doesn't seem much point in continuing to call her, and doing so isn't going to endear you to her at all. Link to comment
thisoneguy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 Doesn't seem much point in continuing to call her, and to continue doing so isn't going to endear her to you at all. I agree. I've only called twice. I'm not going to pester her. She texted and said she couldnt talk right now but will call me when she gets home. So we'll see. twice over 4 days. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Well, if she doesn't, I hate to say that it sounds to be a lost cause for now. Not sure what happened in your history to make her this jumpy about not being contacted all day while you were at the pool, but it does seem to have caused things to go horribly south. Link to comment
endy Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Wait a minute, what is the status of the relationship here? She's treating it like you are together. I think the best thing to do would to honestly say... I'm very sorry I caused you this pain, but if this is going to work we need to be able to communicate openly about these things. I am not perfect, and I made a mistake. I did not think it would cause you this much pain but it did. All I can do is be better in the future about it. I don't know the back story off the top of my head, but this seems a little obsessive/needy on her end. Did you text her and tell her you were going to the pool for the day? If she doesn't answer leave it at that. Don't chase her, call over and over and come off as needy though. Link to comment
thisoneguy Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 She called back. Had a half hour of good conversation. Talked about me not replying, she vented and feels better about it. Then she talked about how she is annoyed with people flirting with her and wants it to stop (always talked about this while we dated, and witnessed how harassing the guys at work can be to her.) Nothing happened in our history we were both honest and faithful with each other, she's not needy or clingy she just gets worried. We didn't talk about the relationship or anything of the such, I try to refrain from that because it gets us no where. What I did to get her to say she missed me again was just talked to her, human to human, and had a good time with her while we hung out. At the end of the phone call she asked "talk to you soon?". She told me lately work has been stressing her out, 3 of her workers have been gone all week so shes been working double shifts and she doesn't have any days off this week. It was only a half hour of conversation because she has to go in at 6 tomorrow and she just got down working a 9 hour shift today. I didn't hold her back or make her stay on the phone with me. Just talked. We both just want to take it slow and simply hang out for now. I know I need to work on things and she does as well. We hang out and its apparent we're both working on ourselves, so why rush back in and ruin our progress? EDIT: She did mention that she felt an old friend of hers and mine is trying to win me over again. I used to date this other girl in high school, there's a reason she's my ex but my most recent ex is still a little jealous of her. I told her "I didn't know I was such a prized possession why didn't you tell me?" and she replied with "Idk you never told me I was prized..you should have". So she's hurt that I wasn't a very affectionate guy in the relationship, but in my other posts I mention how my family is not affectionate in any way and I'm working to change this in myself. I show her my affectionate side little by little as we continue to hang out. EDIT 2: She mentioned how she's always tired at work now so I'm thinking about bringing her one of those energy vitamin waters and the necklace she wanted from the last museum we visited when she came down here. I'll bring it into her work for her. Because I problem between us is me being affectionate and she always thought I never thought about her. She always buys me little gifts so I feel like I should return the favor, no strings attached. By the way the necklace isn't anything fancy or serious, she just really liked it. ($20 metal necklace, she isn't one of those girls that needs anything special, she just wants someone to give her thought). Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Then she talked about how she is annoyed with people flirting with her and wants it to stop It takes two willing participants to flirt. She could easily say to the flirter "tell it to someone who wants to hear it" and walk away. But apparently she doesn't say it and she doesn't walk away. Link to comment
thisoneguy Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 It takes two willing participants to flirt. She could easily say to the flirter "tell it to someone who wants to hear it" and walk away. But apparently she doesn't say it and she doesn't walk away. Well it's not flirting. They ask her out on dates and she denies them. Link to comment
endy Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Read the five love languages. Her love language is gifting or something like that don't remember. You might want to check out for men only too. It will help you understand what women want, and how they think a little better. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Well it's not flirting. They ask her out on dates and she denies them. Ok, it's not flirting. That's what you called it when you posted about it. Guys do ask out girls on occasion. She denies them, end of story. I'm not seeing a problem there. Link to comment
thisoneguy Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 Ok, it's not flirting. That's what you called it when you posted about it. Guys do ask out girls on occasion. She denies them, end of story. I'm not seeing a problem there. I know I phrased it wrong. I don't think this is a problem, if anything it's actually a good sign. Link to comment
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