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Guys - if you have been dumped by your gf - what helps?


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A guy that I work with has just been dumped by his girlfriend but he has not told me about it himself - I heard it from a mutual friend.

He is not telling me since he is very deep, keeps things to himself, hates being the centre of attention and has just told our mutual male friend.

I will be sitting next to him tomorrow at work, and since I am not meant to know about it - how will I react around him, I want to try and keep his spirits up without him guessing that I know what has happened.

From what I have been told she has been treating him like dirt for months, now he may have contributed something to this - it does take two to tango but on the whole he is a lovely old fashioned guy and I hate seeing him so down. She has split his circle of friends, they are taking sides against him etc and he is really wounded.

How can I be a friend to him without making him feel worse, guess that I know etc - what tips can you give me?

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Speaking from my own personal feelings... More than anything, I'd have loved to have just known there was a woman out there who was willing to listen when I felt like talking. When I hit the worst of it, I wanted so badly to just have someone hug/hold me while I let all the hurt out. It meant more than anything to me to just have people around who were willing to spend time and listen, or keep me company when I needed it.


In your case, if you're not supposed to know about it, just be friendly. You can't make him feel worse about it if you're just being cordial. If he's obviously showing that he's down and isn't himself, you can ask if he's doing okay. He may brush it off and say everything's fine, but he also probably doesn't want to risk having a breakdown in the middle of work. Be friendly to him, but don't walk on eggshells... treat it like it's more or less just another day. If he's feeling really down, and it shows, see if you can catch him after work and ask him then if everything is really okay. Offer to buy a pizza and rent a movie, maybe. That will A) give him a chance to take his mind off things and be social with at least one other person B) Help him feel at ease since he's no longer in a work environment C) let him know that you do care about how he feels, and he might consider opening up and talking to you. If he does talk, let him do most of the talking. Let him know you're listening, but try and let him say everything he needs/wants to say.


I guess it's also a good thing to ask... aside from being a friend, do you have any other intentions toward him? -The reason I ask is that if you do have any romantic interest in him (and I'm not criticizing if you do!) it would be best to keep those to yourself right now and not act on them. He's in an emotionally vulnerable state right now, and could easily rebound onto you. But, like all rebounds, it most likely won't last, and could wind up with you getting hurt. -Not to mention, since you work together, that could really cause for some painful experiences down the road. There are several threads around this board regarding people who broke up with their co-workers. For now, just focus on being a friend, and keep any thoughts of romance on the back burner until he's past this. -And if you don't have any romantic thoughts/feelings toward him, go ahead and disregard this last paragraph.

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Honestly... Don't say or do anything at work. Personal issues shouldn't be a part of work. Business is business. He needs to try to stay focused on that. If you want you can take him out or something after though. If you do have a romantic interest in him you definitely need to give him time to heal and move on. It's just going to take time for him. If he is really quiet and doesn't talk much about his feelings, he's probably in mental hell right now when he is alone. He's gotta learn to deal with that a different way, it's not healthy. You can't really help someone unless they ask for it though. So just be patient.

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