Boyfriend refuses to bring me to party

[debbydove]

Hi guys and girls.

 

Ive been seeing this guy for 9 months, he's 20 and I am 24, and the relationship is great for the most part. We love each other very much and haven't had any problems until this came up.

 

We have separete social lives for the most part. There's a lot of space in our relationship seeing as to how he's in college and I'm not.

 

A friend of his invited him to a house party where most of the people were very drunk and single and trying to hook up. I wasnt comfortable with it but I didn't complain about it because I trust him and he's given me no indication that he cheats. Well, now his friend invited him to another party, and I told him I'd like to go with him because I didn't feel comfortable with him going by himself. He said that he doesnt want me there because there's a lot of drinking and he doesnt think I'd enjoy myself (I don't drink much). We talked about it for a while and he refused to change his mind.

 

The more I thought about it the angrier I got.

 

What do you think posters? I really do care about and love this guy, but this thing just bothers me to no end.

 

Deb

[lana111]

hmmm.

 

for his side- i would hate to bring someone (anyone just not a bf) to a place or event where i wouldnt think they would enjoy themselves. then you cant enjoy yourself bc you are too worried about keeping them company. for your side- you obviously arent overbearing seeing that youve been okay with him going out w/o you before, but if he knows you want to go, and you are telling him you dont mind being a non drinker at a drinking party, then he should at least bring you to one of these parties once.

 

if you really trust him and have no reason to worry, my best bet would be he doesnt want to bring you bc he doesnt want to "babysit" you.

[FathomFear]

His excuse is a bit lame. It's up to you whether you could tolerate the environment. Do you think he's partially worried that guys would hit on you if you went? But even if that were the reason, it would be a double-standard considering that he'd be going an exposing himself to the same environment.

[alli]

You want to come to a party but he won't let you because he decided he knows you won't have a good time? Since when does his opinion on what you like/don't like matter more than yours?

 

If he frequently did things like that, I'd probably dump him. Also, I think it could be possible there is a chick there that he likes hooking up with. Obviously bringing you would put a damper on that. But I'm not there, couldn't tell you for sure either way.

[debbydove]

hmmm.

 

for his side- i would hate to bring someone (anyone just not a bf) to a place or event where i wouldnt think they would enjoy themselves. then you cant enjoy yourself bc you are too worried about keeping them company. for your side- you obviously arent overbearing seeing that youve been okay with him going out w/o you before, but if he knows you want to go, and you are telling him you dont mind being a non drinker at a drinking party, then he should at least bring you to one of these parties once.

 

if you really trust him and have no reason to worry, my best bet would be he doesnt want to bring you bc he doesnt want to "babysit" you.

 

lana that is a lot of what hes thinking, I feel, if he is truly on the up and up. But hes even said that I can get along with many types of people like his friends who are obviously younger than me though not by all that much. And I dont think its fair, if this is what he believes, to assume that he d have to babysit me at one of these parties.

 

 

You want to come to a party but he won't let you because he decided he knows you won't have a good time? Since when does his opinion on what you like/don't like matter more than yours?

 

Thank you!! That is what I said. Let me judge how the time I am having is before you tell me what I like.

 

His excuse is a bit lame. It's up to you whether you could tolerate the environment. Do you think he's partially worried that guys would hit on you if you went? But even if that were the reason, it would be a double-standard considering that he'd be going an exposing himself to the same environment.

 

Exactly it is a double standard IF that is the reason. He can get hit on and propositioned but I cant?

 

Thanks for writing all

[shadowbox3r]

I think that is a bit shady. I'd be more than annoyed if anyone I was dating said that to me. First of all, it's not like you're a teenager who hasn't experienced life and hasn't been exposed to these situations before. So, I'm pretty sure you can make up your own mind as to what kind of time you will have. Furthermore, college parties are usually filled with wasted underage kids hooking up and having sex (just the underage version of going to a bar). The fact that he doesn't want you there doesn't look good on his end. Maybe he is talking to someone on the side and doesn't want you to run into her at this party. Perhaps he has been doing things at parties that he doesn't want anyone to mention in front of you either. There are many possibilities and I'm only throwing out a few things that might be the case. However, in the end, I would stand your ground and if you feel that this is a deal breaker then that's up to you.

[Beth12]

I second what shadowboxer says...