annie24 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Reminds me of when my I found my ex had a profile on a dating site that was active. His excuse was that he had made it ages before we met, and he hadnt been using it but had just happened to have logged into it the day I found it because his sister had been chatting regularly to someone on the same site and had *gasp* suddenly forgotten her password, so had asked him to log on through his inactive profile so she could send the person a message. What an amazing coincidence (!) I cant think of any acceptable explanation. What an amazing story!!!! I suspect if she asks the bf, she will hear a story similar to this!
pillowtalk Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Reminds me of when my I found my ex had a profile on a dating site that was active. His excuse was that he had made it ages before we met, and he hadnt been using it but had just happened to have logged into it the day I found it because his sister had been chatting regularly to someone on the same site and had *gasp* suddenly forgotten her password, so had asked him to log on through his inactive profile so she could send the person a message. What an amazing coincidence (!) I cant think of any acceptable explanation. haha! What was the outcome of that? Did you let him off the hook, or dump him?
DN Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 What an amazing story!!!! I suspect if she asks the bf, she will hear a story similar to this!Suppose it's true?
annie24 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 IF it is true (doubtful), I would want the profile removed ASAP. The "sister" can use the "password reset" button if she "forgot" it.
pillowtalk Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 The thing is, even if were innocent and just for fun, I would have to ask myself: Do i want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks it's OK to be on a dating site? I know I would feel guilty as hell advertising myself as single on a dating site. A person with any common sense would have the foresight to realize what a potentially damaging thing it is. It's called thoughtfulness. But, everyone has their own set of limits and expectations.
Day_Walker Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I dont think that you can take it as a good sign even if it was to boost his ego. Im sure his reason is going to be interesting.
CatsMeeoow Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 The thing is, even if were innocent and just for fun, I would have to ask myself: Do i want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks it's OK to be on a dating site? I know I would feel guilty as hell advertising myself as single on a dating site. A person with any common sense would have the foresight to realize what a potentially damaging thing it is. It's called thoughtfulness. But, everyone has their own set of limits and expectations. And, unless you communicate your limits and expectations of what being exclusive is to this fella you only have yourself to blame for future unhappiness. If a guy (or girl) is really into you they won't be on dating sites just for fun or just to keep in touch - that's the biggest line of bs ever. People only exhibit that kind of behavior if they are wanting to keep their options open. Don't make excuses. Don't sell yourself short.
rocio Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Do you know of stories of husbands on dating sites? God, the internet ruined everything! Yes, and here are some of the excuses: -It was a social experiment. I think people who go on internet dating sites are losers and I was trying to figure out why they did it. -It was a joke/just for fun. -It's like porn for me. Honestly, I wouldn't even bother asking why the guy is on there. Of course he's not going to say that he's still looking for something better, or that he's looking to get some on the side. Of course he's going to make up some excuse (several, in fact, if you don't believe the first one). If someone is publicly representing himself as single and available, and actively going on the Internet seeking out other singles, it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what kind of man he is.
pillowtalk Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 And, unless you communicate your limits and expectations of what being exclusive is to this fella you only have yourself to blame for future unhappiness. If a guy (or girl) is really into you they won't be on dating sites just for fun or just to keep in touch - that's the biggest line of bs ever. People only exhibit that kind of behavior if they are wanting to keep their options open. Don't make excuses. Don't sell yourself short. I guess I'm just curious if the men on this site feel the same way, as most of these opinions are from women. Perhaps men feel being on a dating site (but not acting on meeting people) is harmless? Yes, and here are some of the excuses: -It was a social experiment. I think people who go on internet dating sites are losers and I was trying to figure out why they did it. -It was a joke/just for fun. -It's like porn for me. Honestly, I wouldn't even bother asking why the guy is on there. Of course he's not going to say that he's still looking for something better, or that he's looking to get some on the side. Of course he's going to make up some excuse (several, in fact, if you don't believe the first one). If someone is publicly representing himself as single and available, and actively going on the Internet seeking out other singles, it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what kind of man he is. I actually had a boyfriend I met on a dating site, who after claiming in love for me was still logging into the site. When I asked him about it, he said he had just gotten a message and checked it. After establishing exclusivity, I basically trusted him and didn't check to see if he was logging on anymore, as I had taken down my profile. But now I wonder if he was on there the entire time!
DN Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I don't think it's harmless if someone creates a profile when in a relationship or renews it. If they created before and are just checking out of curiosity then I think that is possibly harmless. It would be interesting to know how she found out.
browney2 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I don't know what kind of guy this is but keep me updated. I want to hear his reason for logging in over the last few days. Before you go off throwing stones make sure your house isn't made of glass. How did your friend find this profile? Does she have one for herself? What was she doing online? I think if you are dating a guy and he is still checking his online profile it simply means that he is not as invested in the relationship as she is. He might like her a great deal but he is still looking around
rocio Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I actually had a boyfriend I met on a dating site, who after claiming in love for me was still logging into the site. When I asked him about it, he said he had just gotten a message and checked it. After establishing exclusivity, I basically trusted him and didn't check to see if he was logging on anymore, as I had taken down my profile. But now I wonder if he was on there the entire time! I doubt it. Since you met him on there, he knew that you could find his profile and view his activity. It doesn't sound like he meant to betray you in any way. i really don't understand why some people think it could potentially be harmless for a man to be doing this. I have a friend who actually found her husband on a dating site, chatted with him anonymously, he asked if she was free that weekend and they could meet up, and she still believes him when he says he's no longer cheating. How obvious does it have to be? Sure, maybe there are some men who do this with the purest of intentions. But those men are extremely unintelligent, given the pain they can cause to their partner and the breakdown of the relationship due to a lack of trust. Extremely unintelligent. I don't know why you would want to date someone who lacks a very basic level of intelligence.
Tanzi Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 What if it is just an ego boost then? Is that forgivable? How would you ever know if it were just an ego boost? You would never really be 100% sure would you? Anyway why would someone in a committed relationship need an ego boost? And why would they risk it? That in itself is questionnable.
annie24 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 "i really don't understand why some people think it could potentially be harmless for a man to be doing this. I have a friend who actually found her husband on a dating site, chatted with him anonymously, he asked if she was free that weekend and they could meet up, and she still believes him when he says he's no longer cheating. How obvious does it have to be?" Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
pillowtalk Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 I don't think it's harmless if someone creates a profile when in a relationship or renews it. If they created before and are just checking out of curiosity then I think that is possibly harmless. It would be interesting to know how she found out. She found out simply by using his computer and it came up in the cached history. Maybe she shouldn't have check it when it came up, but how could you not? I doubt it. Since you met him on there, he knew that you could find his profile and view his activity. It doesn't sound like he meant to betray you in any way. i really don't understand why some people think it could potentially be harmless for a man to be doing this. I have a friend who actually found her husband on a dating site, chatted with him anonymously, he asked if she was free that weekend and they could meet up, and she still believes him when he says he's no longer cheating. How obvious does it have to be? Sure, maybe there are some men who do this with the purest of intentions. But those men are extremely unintelligent, given the pain they can cause to their partner and the breakdown of the relationship due to a lack of trust. Extremely unintelligent. I don't know why you would want to date someone who lacks a very basic level of intelligence. I guess, ultimately, it comes down to a breach in trust. Say nothing happened, but you still have the knowledge he did this, whether there was ill intention or not, it still damages the trust. As for your friend, some people would rather just turn a blind eye to what is obvious.
Glowguy Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I don't think there is any reasonable justification for it and it is a dumpable offense IMO. If there was some kind of valid circumstance or reason for why he was on there then he should have had enough foresight to tell his gf about it. Hiding something like that from your SO, is inexcusable and would break all my trust in the other person. The only exception I can think of is if someone hacked into his account, but even then she would still have to believe him.
browney2 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 She found out simply by using his computer and it came up in the cached history. Maybe she shouldn't have check it when it came up, but how could you not? well she COULD have refrained from checking it EASILY but she didn't. That was instinct plain and simple. her gut told her to seek and she would find. I think most times when something isn't right in our relationships we know. Its just a question of when we are ready to do something about it
pillowtalk Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 UPDATE: Ok, so my friend asked her boyfriend about this, and he basically said he forgot he had it up and that he got a message and went on to check it. Thoughts?
annie24 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Isn't it also "interesting" how your friend stumbled upon his active profile within days of him getting a new message out of the blue....??? i mean - what are the odds that he's had no messages the last 6 months until now??
browney2 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Wow who dug up his profile after 6 months? I know if I got a message from a dating site I would HAVE to check it. that's where all my important messages are delivered. It could've been life or death. I think he is lying but its up to your friend to decide if she believes him. She has the opportunity of seeing and hearing him. She knows his character better than I do and more importantly better than you.
pillowtalk Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Yes, he said he would take it down. It is suspicious that he only checked because he got a message. They've been together for 9 months. So basically he's saying that he's had the profile the entire time, and this is the FIRST time he's been aware of it or checked it this entire time? Doubtful.
Tanzi Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 UPDATE: Ok, so my friend asked her boyfriend about this, and he basically said he forgot he had it up and that he got a message and went on to check it. Thoughts? Would he really forget? Would this really be the only message he got in however many months? And whilst checking it, why didn't he deactivate it if he truly had forgotten its existence.
pillowtalk Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Would he really forget? Would this really be the only message he got in however many months? And whilst checking it, why didn't he deactivate it if he truly had forgotten its existence. I don't know! He seems to think it's not a big deal.
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