The Silent Treatment...

[nattpanter]

What is your experience of getting the silent treatment? (I`ve got it now for 10 weeks after a 5-6 year relationship where she sais she needed time. Reached out after one month of NC...silence)

 

Why do people do this?

[Silverbirch]

I don't know for sure Natt. I think sometimes at least it's cowardice.

[askltk]

People deal with Break ups differently - if she said she need time / space, thats all's she's doing. Sadly, although it seems harsh on you - she's only doing what she feels best to move on.

 

Take it from me man, you'll heal quicker without contact as with it (this is from someone who had daily contact with his Ex for 7 months).

[RadicalDreamer]

I guess it depends on the circumstances involved in the break-apart. Here are some possible reasons.

 

1) They do just need space, but are afraid that any contact at all will give you false hope. They are genuinely struggling with emotional turmoil.

2) They're indecisive and simultaneously do/don't want the relationship to end. File this one under "stringing along."

3) They found over time that they don't want the relationship anymore, but are too emotionally immature to face up to it. They think their problems will just go away if ignored for long enough, and now think of you as a "problem" rather than a human being.

4) They fear for their life, or are on the run from the law/spouse/other lover/aliens, so they've laid down a false trail.

5) They want to show how cruel and bitter they can be, so they told you they just want time/space while planning to end the relationship and cease all contact all along. Similar to 2), except with malicious intent as opposed to neglect. Rarely justifiable, in my opinion, and if this is so, good riddance to them.

 

There are more, of course, but I feel that these cover the majority of them.

[nattpanter]

People deal with Break ups differently - if she said she need time / space, thats all's she's doing. Sadly, although it seems harsh on you - she's only doing what she feels best to move on.

 

Take it from me man, you'll heal quicker without contact as with it (this is from someone who had daily contact with his Ex for 7 months).

 

Oh well, Im sitting still now 100%, and I get the feeling it bugs her for some reason. I have said all I can say and did all I could...I pretty much offered her my life and has been in therapy ever since to understand some things that made me hold back on alot of things before. Im just wondering, why someone who say they need time would not come forth with an answer? Especially since she said we were soulmates and she genuinly loved me. Still has pics of us on fb (defrended yes) but keeps posting moving-on-wisdom-words on her wall and is over-happy on her fb-postings. I would NEVER do that to her, or anyone else for that matter...

[nattpanter]

I don't know for sure Natt. I think sometimes at least it's cowardice.

 

I agree, but I`d say for me...if I love someone I`d never let them hang loose without knowing what I was thinking. It`s understandable that people do this, however it`s not acceptable....

[sidehop]

It's understandable if two people especially couples have communication to do so; some people do need that say 5-minute cool down time. Others want to talk about it or try to resolve any issues while it's hot sort of speak.

 

But when people give that same excuse of wanting space or purposely give others the silent treatment then it could mean they don't know how to express their frustrations and anger or simply shut themselves emotionally to prevent getting hurt. Some do it in order to not say anything mean and protect themselves in that sense.

[nattpanter]

So do you think my situation qualifies to be called the silen treatment then? I was told last time on text "You just gave me my biggest love-declaration and compliment of my life. I just need time" From then on...silence even if I called her after one month, and sent a text "I just called to say I think of you and I miss you"... It`s just very confusing, and Im having one of those questioning-days today...

[Pebble]

The "silent treatment" in the real sense, is when you do something wrong (or perceived wrong) to someone important in your life and instead of dealing with it or addressing it, the person withdraws emotionally and physically away from you with the intention of punishing you. It is actually considered emotional abuse and usually by people who are passive-aggressive. You know something's not right but you don't know what. You walk on eggshells waiting for them to say something, they'll ignore you if you try. This can take a day, a week, sometimes months. I got it a lot from my ex.

[sidehop]

For a break up I think it's a bit different but at the same time elongated silent treatment usually means she's lost interest, have other things and you're not the priority in her life at this point. It's a sign that she just wants to be left alone.

[nattpanter]

Well I find it strange that if you really have moved on you wouldn`t care to post wisdom-quotes on your fb-wall on moving on and some are part of your future other`s not...and still have pics of us in all the albums! I think the sign of someone who really have moved on is that you wouldn`t care to prove anything... Now the latest is her change of profile picture from one of the trips we made together with her back turned to the camera (yeah it`s crazy) But honestly, I get the feeling she is a little uncomfortable with me not chasing her but actually accepting her need for space... And Im not trying to make up things. Im just trying to understand the small pieces of info I have...

[lucasky]

You have not heard from them in a MONTH? After a declaration of love? I think your ex/girlfriend/whatever is being a bit of a coward and dodging answering you at this point.

 

I've given someone the "silent treatment" before, post love declaration, but I TOLD them I did not feel the same (we were not even dating). I ignored their subsequent texts/calls because I did not want the person to feel like I was interested when I was not. I was not confused about my feelings, I did not need space, I just didn't want to keep giving them false hope.

 

Sometimes people genuinely do "need space" to think things out, and sometimes they do come back after a month or two or not hearing from them, but this is pretty rare.

[lucasky]

\ still have pics of us in all the albums! ... Now the latest is her change of profile picture from one of the trips we made together with her back turned to the camera

 

My ex did BOTH those things. And the picture is from one of our most romantic and happy days together on a backpacking trip which we broke up on. So... okay. I HAVE read into those things... and I personally still have turned up empty handed (aka. we're still broken up). You can read into things all you want, but sometimes, they won't prove anything.

[nattpanter]

Thanx for your input lucasky, I just don`t understand what she is up to...she is sending me mixed signals through no signals if you know what I mean. I did expect somekind of feedback after she said she needed time... I think that would reasonable, but I guess you are right...she is a bit of a coward... Perphaps she loves me and thinks this is the best way to deal with it and let it fade by time. However, I thought that when you are close to 30 you`d have enough experience to understand that is the worst thing you could do to a person...

[jimmajam]

Like others have already touched on, I think it's just how they are dealing with it to protect themselves. There are times when people do it as a game or as revenge, but most of the time they are just trying to move on or at least give themselves time to be happy again and heal. Only time will tell if this means they don't want anything to do with you ever again or just needed time to heal.

 

What they fail to realize is that it hurts the other person too. Try to avoid doing this to others - it hurts bad. I'd rather someone tell me to my face to never talk to me again than everything be left up in the air.

[italiannmf24]

She may honestly need the space and want to just move on with her life. It's may be her way of healing from the relationship you two had.

[nattpanter]

She may honestly need the space and want to just move on with her life. It's may be her way of healing from the relationship you two had.

 

Well she could just as well heal without keeping the door half-open. We are adults and know eachother so well (soulmates, the closest in her life...her words during the breakup-period) so I think the amount of time we have spent together would at least be worth some decency of letting me know where we stand...

[RadicalDreamer]

"Sticks and Stones are hard on bones, aimed with angry art.

Words can sting like anything, but Silence breaks the heart."

[nattpanter]

"Sticks and Stones are hard on bones, aimed with angry art.

Words can sting like anything, but Silence breaks the heart."

 

I like that...should`ve put it on my fb-quotes, but it would be too obvious

[The_Seeker]

Gosh I remember the silent treatment. LOL I'm getting one from a guy I dated last week and my first ex.

 

All I know is if they started treating you differently I.E. Texting/Call you less, don't give a toilet, and silence every day, then it's totally over in my opinion.

 

LOL I know if someone starts doing that, I get out of there fast and start dating other people and let the person you love do whatever he or she likes.

[nattpanter]

Well my situation is slightly different since she asked for time (read OP) and I haven`t heard anything from her in 10 weeks now. It was a 5-6 year relationship and she claimed I was her soulmate and genuinly love me... she just needed time! It`s the worst act anyone have ever done to me. Strange to think that it comes from the person you were closest with... I * * * * ing hate this * * * * bc I have experienced it before. From that moment I decided I would never do that to anyone, and I`ve kept that promisse...