How long until you get back together?

[beckmed]

This is really a general question, doesn't have a lot to do with my breakup. My ex and I have been no contact for a few weeks now, I've honestly lost track, and have been broken up for about two months. I've finally gotten over trying to foolishly win him back, but I will admit that I silently do cling to the hope that we will get back together. I'm not asking this as a way for others to reach out and tell me that we're going to get back together, but as someone who has only gone through breakups with the intent of moving on for good, I'm wondering from other people's experiences...

 

Do couples go one or more months without speaking to one another, until the dumper (or whoever is the one fighting to get back together) reaches out to reestablish the relationship?

 

I apologize for being so vague, I'm just curious to hear real stories. I honestly left the forum for awhile because I got such a negative vibe from some of these threads. No offense to anyone here, I know we are all just being supportive and sometimes brutal honesty is necessary, but I'd love to hear from those who remained optimistic through the heartache, or maybe weren't expecting it at all, and ended up getting back together.

[Rob1000]

My ex and I got back together after 6 weeks of no contact. I re-established contact by just saying hello by text one day, and she responded, but she had been missing me as well. We chatted and were back together in 2 weeks.

 

However, we broke up again 3 years later, and I wished I had never got back with her the first time because what followed was the most horrible 12 months of my life. It's called a break up because something is broken. If someone can walk away from you once, they can do it twice. My advice would be to move on as best as possible.

[kingofatlantis]

It's called a break up because something is broken.

 

The saying "It's called a break up because it's broken." gets thrown around a lot and many of the times I find the poster implies that reconciliations never work out. but like anything broken it can be fixed as long as both are willing and able to and eventually do. I am not saying you are implying this rob but I just see a lot of negativity around people wanting another shot.

 

Onto the OPs question, I'd say almost everyone wants to reconcile if they have been dumped and is very normal but it won't work unless the problem is fixed and changes are made which is why I'd say successful reconciliations occur after a long period of time, because change takes time and lots of it if you want it to be permanent. Also it usually is best when it happens unintentionally.

 

In my experience I have reconciled with 2 previous exs and both have failed very quickly because we were quick to jump back into it and never really had the time to work out the kinks alone. One happened in a week and the other after 2 years. and yes NC is a big role in making partners see life without you and may spark that "I want you back" feeling.

[Confused123123]

Well I've been broken up with my ex for just over 6 weeks now. I miss him like crazy, and I hope he feels the same. I do not expect anything to happen in the near future, because a break was well needed! But I do believe things will always work out in the end if it was meant to be! I too secretly hope that one day we will be together again Love him so much

 

What I have heard, is that successful reconciliations tend to happen when you both have a significant amount of time apart (at LEAST 6 months), and once both people have moved on. THEN your love with your ex will be proven. And what I've also picked up on, is that if you get back with your ex, it's important to see it as a NEW relationship. NOT one that you are picking up from where you left off. Because where you left off is what broke you two in the first place!

[mhowe]

yes, it can happen. My ex (now back together) were apart for 4 months after an 18 month relationship. Had been friends for more than 6 yrs with no romance, so it wasn't a passing thing. You can check some of my responses on here --- never posted my own thread ---- but he asked for space, and I gave it to him. Ran into him after about 2 months, short chat, nothing about us, and while I prefer calling it "letting go with love", I had hopes for a recon. However, at the 2.5 month mark, I was really at the point of just letting it go, period. And that is when he came back. I have to say, that thru the whole experience, and all that I read here and other places, the thing that worked best for me was to trust my heart, period.

[Deejmonster]

I have seen it happen, it happened to me once. But it doesn't always happen. There are so many factors that could play a role in the outcome. I can't put a percent on the odds though.

[Lavender25]

I reconciled with my first love 4 or 5 times over 7 years, so yes it does happen. But it ended for good 2 years ago and it really was the best thing for me although I didn't see it at the time.

[Janeiac]

My BF and I got back together after5 months of near NC. Especialy during the beginning of that time I was a mess, but I didn't chase him or anything like that. I focussed on getting myself feeling better, improving myself, and moving on. When I felt better I made brief, light contact. I let him know reconcilation was possible (just mentioned it as a by-the-way, like well if we WERE to reconcile some things would have to change, and if you asked me right now I'd say no.)

He realized he missed me, he didn't like not talking to me, and he decided to make the effort because I showed him it was a requirement and wasn't going to let stuff slide. Eventually we found our way back together. It was painful, and I had to own up to my own issues as well, but I'm glad we went through it because we had serious problems that I could no longer live with. Things are much better now.

The best advice is on here: work on yourself, concentrate on moving forward, and let the other person come to you IF that is what you want. Do this by being amicable and leaving the door open. Don't put a time frame on it, and don't hang onto to hurt or pride.

[beckmed]

Thanks for the responses! It was an interesting to read. One of the top threads right now pertaining to how long until you got back together is actually what I was really trying to get at but wasn't quite sure how to word it.

 

My ex and I had been together for a year and a half, and had been friends (who were instantly attracted to one another) five or six months before that. This break up was definitely an eye opener and now that I have actually had time apart from him, I'm realizing the flaws we had that I once overlooked were real and I was in fact avoiding them. I can with confidence say that our issues are fixable, but we allowed them to continue for so long without speaking up to one another that we allowed it to get to the breaking point. If we were to start over, we would both at least know where the other stood on the issue and it could go from there. Despite that, I feel the pros outweigh the cons, and I am a firm believer in accepting a person for their good and bad, and approaching it all in a healthy manner. I can say on my end I am willing and ready to work through the problems and start a new and healthier relationship, but of course, it's a matter of whether he will ever come to that conclusion, or head in a different direction. I've already started by working on changing myself for the positive by being more honest and upfront with others.

 

But of course, I'm finally not chasing anymore. But as someone in one of these threads wrote it's about following your heart, and my heart says it's not ready to let go.

[curious987]

Very well said : D I'm in the EXACT same boat as you!

[mhowe]

That was me who said that! As we are in the process of reconciling, at one point he asked me what I was thinking thru the time we were apart, and I told him,

"Absent any information from you as to what was going on, I decided I needed to live in a place of trust. So I decided to trust my heart, and yours and that, in time, the answers would come."

 

And they did....

[Love1336]

It's still a negative place!

[elephants]

I like everything you said, and I quite agree. I feel the same way