Okay, did I do the right thing?

[PH88]

So yesterday my gf was kissed by another guy. Here's my thread .

 

So here's what happened today. After talking to her, I asked why she hadn't told me who this guy was. She thought she did (but I know she didn't) and felt really bad. Later she calls me back and confesses she let him kiss her for a few seconds before stopping him. So in essence, she cheated(although not horribly), and I forgave her. I really respected the fact that she told me, and told her that its in the past and to look forward to the future.

 

Later I was still upset and told her that putting herself in positions like these are not okay with me. Kinda sounded harsh but how could I not? Im still upset.

 

She feels horrible, and I can tell. She cant keep a secret from me.

 

So, did I do the right thing by calling her out on putting herself in that situation? Shes not a cheater at heart, but I feel that if I don't condemn the action in any way she could do it again..

[Danny77]

You did the right thing as it turned out there was more to the story than she told you in the first place. so yes.

Now, have you lost some trust?

because a lie is a lie, if she is gonna continue to hold things back then that makes for a bumpy ride in the future.

Let her know that the issue with the kiss is not a problem (letting him do it for a few seconds is not cool but it might have been shock that kept her from moving away)

The problem is that she wouldn't have told you if you didn't ask.

That means now you're gonna be thinking if there's something you need to know then you are gonna have to ask in the future.

That makes you the jealous BF for always asking.

Watchya gonna do?

[LennonAid]

To me, there's not a reason why I'd say what you did was wrong. Honestly, you were a lot nicer to her than I would have been in the same situation.

[PH88]

Idk man. I have lost a bit of trust now. Am the worst part about it is that I am going to live with this girl for the next two years... * * * * I dont know what to do I love her so much. There are so many what ifs now and so many times in the future I have blown off stuff like this with her. I fully believe she loves me, and wants to be with me, but there's a part of me that is so curious now. I've never cheated nor been cheated on... Im so confused..

[Danny77]

Hmmm.

Sit down (the two of you) and make a sworn pact to never hold back anything and always be truthful.

Light some candles if you have to. Make it romantic and beautiful.

My Ex and I never lied to eachother but had been in relationships that were full of lies.

The way we did it is we sat on the park one night and drank a bottle of wine, we then made an oath never to be dishonest with eachother.

After that, I never even considered that she would ever lie to me about anything.

And she didn't!

 

She still left me tho. lol

BUT, we had no trust issues!

 

Wanna try that?

[PH88]

Hmmm.

Sit down (the two of you) and make a sworn pact to never hold back anything and always be truthful.

Light some candles if you have to. Make it romantic and beautiful.

My Ex and I never lied to eachother but had been in relationships that were full of lies.

The way we did it is we sat on the park one night and drank a bottle of wine, we then made an oath never to be dishonest with eachother.

After that, I never even considered that she would ever lie to me about anything.

And she didn't!

 

She still left me tho. lol

BUT, we had no trust issues!

 

Wanna try that?

 

I would like to but shes not here. LD sucks man. Im really shaken up the more I think about it. What else has she been doing behind my back? We had so many plans this summer and beyond, and I am unfortunately losing interest in partaking in them with her..

[mouseno4]

Yes you did lose some trust. That is a blow she will have to bear if she wants to keep you. I would keep that item for later and store it in the back of your mind as a reminder only. You have forgiven her so i urge you to give her a second chance - the opportunity to prove she is trustworthy. If she ends up breaking your trust again with a kiss, a feel or something even more... then that is just another nail in the coffin for the relationship. It is up to you in that situation to determine when it is 'too much'.

 

Good luck!

[tresqua]

Later she calls me back and confesses she let him kiss her for a few seconds before stopping him.

 

She let him kiss her for a few seconds before stopping him.

 

I don't know, if I'm in a committed exclusive relationship with a girl, she has no business letting a guy kiss her at all. One second, three seconds, penetration, it's all the same to me. He came on to her, she was interested, I'm outta there.

 

I don't put up with that BS, If I'm going to give myself to a woman 100% I expect the same in return. And you're about to move in with her. Good luck with that one.

[Arsonist]

Speaking from the heart is always the right thing.

[PH88]

I don't want anyone but her. Is there any way around this?

[Longview01]

I don't want anyone but her. Is there any way around this?

 

Forgive her and move on with your relationship

[LostOne01]

How do you know she didn't have sex with him? If you still want someone who cheated on you then be my guest, but it's your life you're playing with. Something like this cannot just be brushed away so lightly. This is some serious stuff.

[PH88]

How do you know she didn't have sex with him? If you still want someone who cheated on you then be my guest, but it's your life you're playing with. Something like this cannot just be brushed away so lightly. This is some serious stuff.

 

I don't. But honestly I know her very well, and shes not the type to sleep with strangers, no way. I give her props for being honest.

 

But I agree 100 percent. Its a possibility, and this has just created so many unanswered questions to rise up again. "Has she done this before?" kind of thing. It really hurts im seeing her in a couple weeks.

[pl3asehelp]

She let him kiss her for a few seconds before stopping him.

 

I don't know, if I'm in a committed exclusive relationship with a girl, she has no business letting a guy kiss her at all. One second, three seconds, penetration, it's all the same to me. He came on to her, she was interested, I'm outta there.

 

I don't put up with that BS, If I'm going to give myself to a woman 100% I expect the same in return. And you're about to move in with her. Good luck with that on.

 

Yeah, dealbreaker for me too. It will never be the same.

[Deejmonster]

I believe that you did the right thing, its up to you to forgive her and forget about it.. but part of being a caring partner is sometimes showing tough love. She probably learned from it and I am pretty sure you guys will be ok.

[PH88]

I believe that you did the right thing, its up to you to forgive her and forget about it.. but part of being a caring partner is sometimes showing tough love. She probably learned from it and I am pretty sure you guys will be ok.

 

Yea, I'm taking some space for a couple days to think things through. I hoped she learned from it, I really do, because I have given her everything I can offer as a bf, I don't understand what I did wrong..

[tresqua]

I don't want anyone but her. Is there any way around this?

 

Yes. Change your thinking so you don't want her anymore because she's not the type to stay loyal to you.

[f1r3f1y3]

A lot of people on this board have been cheated on and are now understandably cautious of this kind of behavior, me included. I think you've handled it well up to now.

 

If I was in your situation, I'd stick around with her. She made a mistake, she confessed with details, she kicked the guy out and you're in love. What more can she do? Mistakes happen.

 

That being said: "Shes not a cheater at heart". I was cheated on, and I would have never have believed in a million years she could have done that to me. Don't be naive about what people are capable of. You never really know what someone is thinking.

 

Your guard will be up a bit now. That's good. The trust will come back if she acts properly. Good luck.

[PH88]

A lot of people on this board have been cheated on and are now understandably cautious of this kind of behavior, me included. I think you've handled it well up to now.

 

If I was in your situation, I'd stick around with her. She made a mistake, she confessed with details, she kicked the guy out and you're in love. What more can she do? Mistakes happen.

 

That being said: "Shes not a cheater at heart". I was cheated on, and I would have never have believed in a million years she could have done that to me. Don't be naive about what people are capable of. You never really know what someone is thinking.

 

Your guard will be up a bit now. That's good. The trust will come back if she acts properly. Good luck.

 

 

You hit the nail right on the head with what I decided to do. We talked and I decided to look past it, letting her know that im not 100% healed yet however. I told her that I had every right to know if anything more happened, for my health, and she said nothing happened. Shes too good of a person to keep something like that to herself. But I agree, I am definitely on edge still and told her that she needs to prove to me she's worthy. We'll she how it goes. She claims that the whole situation with another person scared her and only wants to be with me. I hope shes telling the truth.

 

Oh and for the record the guy was leaving that day anyways and was not kicked out.

[PH88]

If a person is genuinely sorry for their actions, and realizes that what they had is now/almost lost due to their mistakes, what is the possibility that they will do it again? I told her I was extremely close to breaking up with her, but something told me she learned from her mistakes so i didn't. Shes been very excited i'm still with her right now.

[BadSituation]

If a person is genuinely sorry for their actions, and realizes that what they had is now/almost lost due to their mistakes, what is the possibility that they will do it again? I told her I was extremely close to breaking up with her, but something told me she learned from her mistakes so i didn't. Shes been very excited i'm still with her right now.

 

I am curious to how you guys are currently doing. Still together?

 

I am now the cheater which still shocks me. I was usually the victim up until recently. I did not have sex but i crossed lines. I told her and im not sure if she will give me another chance.

 

I tried to forgive an ex for cheating but it didnt work. I forgave and got over it mostly but never 100percent. I also think that me and my ex were not in love and we became a couple because we were lonely and didnt really love each other. So maybe that was part of the reason we never worked out. I met my dream girl and after 3 years crossed a line one night.

 

Your trust will be broken, ive heard success and horror stories after cheating. My ex was faithful after, but my I wasnt in love with her. There is always a possibility it can happen, could happen with you or anyone. But u have be give ur faith 100percent, and she will have to prove to you.