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Seeing someone, now ex issues.. Advice please..


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So I have been seeing this girl for about a month. Get along great and have been spending alot of time together. Last week she told me she was really starting to develop feelings for me. However, she has an ex she was with and cheated on her.. They broke up about 3 1/2 months ago. He's been contacting her all the time telling her that he wants another chance, etc.


Supposedly he had treated her pretty badly from what she tells me. I do know however that on occasion she will respond to his texts. She has told me. Well yesterday she went to a BBQ. Texting me all day telling me she wishes she was with me and that she misses me. By 630 she was pretty drunk. Around 8 she almost started acting rude to me texting me "I hope you meet a great girl tonight" (I was going out with some buddies). When I tried calling her after the text she didn't answer. Fast forward to 145am, I get a text from her saying she is hanging out with her ex. I guess he showed up at the BBQ around 10 and drove her home from there. From what she told me is that she talked to him and told him that she was starting to get serious with me and that it pissed him off and he pushed her. For some reason she was hanging out with him at her place.


I told her that I wasn't good with the situation and it seemed very shady. I asked if she had done anything with him and she said no. All she did was talk to him. That she got extremely drunk and didn't know why she made such a bad decision. That she F'd up. She said that was the first time she had seen him since they broke up. I told her I wasn't happy about the fact that she went behind my back, met up with her ex, and spent all hours of the night with him. She said she knows she messed up and hates herself. She did the pity party of "You are so amazing and I just seem to screw it up. I am soo sorry". She asked if we could talk to try and explain.


I told her that regardless of whatever our future is going to be that I will not accept her being in contact with her ex anymore. That if she continues to do so I don't care to be anywhere near her. I told her I hadn't had any problem with her talking to him previous but I feel like a line has been completely crossed and because of the circumstances I can't accept anything other than that.


Am I out of line here??? Do I just walk away?? I'm not sure how I am supposed to be in this position since we werent BF/GF however I felt very disrespected over the whole situation...

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She needs to come clean, being drunk and all is one thing but does she have feelings for the guy? from what she did to me it seems like she does. (being drunk brings the honest side of ppl) when they are drunk they do things like messaging ex es and stuff because they still care and when they're sober they can't do it cause they are scared (non the less it's still there and she thinks about him) when she is drunk that scariness is gone and ppl act. my advise may not be what you want to hear but at this point she needs to deal with the ex before entering you in her life. She should have told you this from the get go and not now. However it is not too late yet. Maan i don't know how you are handeling yourself being so calm about this, reading your post brought so many angry thoughts back and reminded me of the 2 recent girls that i dated , both with ex es attached. they told me but was a little late and i was already attached. if you are not there yet, pull back, let her deal with it. PS you HAD ABSOLUTELY ALL THE RIGHTS TO TELL HER WHAT TO DO AND WHATS NOT. BF or no BF she cannot do these stuff as she pleases when she has you in her life.

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Im calm about it because its so new. Im not a fool, everyone has an attatchment to their exs. She had told him about me.. (We have mututal friends, I dont really know him but I know hes an idiot) All he said about me is that I'm a jerk and Im going to scr** her over. Which to me is funny since he doesn't even know me. I'm just wondering if she is telling the truth about nothing physical going on with them. I really don't know exactly what to do in the situation.

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Let's look at the situation. Girl who likes to drink, recent break up with ex, rebounding with you, badmouthing her ex, yet hanging out with him (drunk) at her place, and generally remaining in contact with him while telling you she misses you.


Add a dash of salt and you have all the ingredients of a cheater. Are you looking for a serious relationship at your age or more childish games?


I personally would walk away.

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Around 8 she almost started acting rude to me texting me "I hope you meet a

great girl tonight"

Soounds like she was hoping you would so it would free her to go with her ex.


Anyway - maybe give her one more chance and see how she acts. Any contact with the ex on her part and she's gone.

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Well after this post I started getting bombarded with texts.. Telling me she screwed up, that she messed everything up, that she can't forgive herself, that nothing happened with her and her ex. That she got too drunk and understands that things got out of control and understands why I am upset. After that I started getting texts throughout today telling me that she understands why I am upset, but she didn't do anything with anyone and doesnt understand why we cant talk. That she has been a complete mess and crying the whole day. She told me she doesn't deserve anything from me because of her actions but she is truly sorry. That I was the only thing that made her happy and that she can't forgive herself for screwing that up. She didn't know where we stood and that she wanted to be in a relationship with me and not just seeing me...


I text her back and said the bottom line is we need to talk in person. No texts no phone calls. That we need to hash everything out because I can't keep going back and forth with her without some kind of conclusion. She called me then from her buddys house, saying that she was there because she needed someone to talk to and wanted to know if I could meet up in about an hour. I told her to let me know when she was done and if it wasn't to late we can meet up.


Im confused as to what to do here.. We aren't in a relationship but I still feel like I have every right to be upset over her actions. I don't even know if anything should continue, however if anything was to go forward I would want to make some ground rules. No communication with her ex, no more going out and getting piss drunk, and if she is texting me and I call her she better answer her phone. Am I out of line with that? Is that too much to ask? I am not a controlling person and I dont want to come off that way, but due to her actions I feel like I need this to start regaining her trust. What are your thoughts?

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she is disappointed of you and jealous that instead of going out with her you went out with her buddies..She obviously wants to be with you when she told you that "I hope you meet a great girl tonight"..She want's to be with you...because you didn't care enough to show up at the BBQ she thought than you not just that into her. She's intoxicated, a lot of things are going through her mind. Her longing to be touched by you was neglected because you weren't there. ^_^...if you cared enough for her you could've rescued her from herself. ^_^


Give her a chance...^_^...

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I am on your side here but you are out of line saying that she should answer the phone if you call. That is controlling! Look at what you are doing with a girl who is not your gf. She is insane. Insane people turn on a dime and start claiming she wants a relationship the second you pull away. Why would you think that someone crying all day about screwing up a nonrelationship is normal? It is nuts.


Is this hot to you? Is this why you are putting up with insanity and becoming less than the good guy I know you can be?

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Telling me she screwed up, that she messed everything up, that she can't forgive herself, that nothing happened with her and her ex. That she got too drunk and understands that things got out of control and understands why I am upset.

Seems to be alot of guilt for "nothing happened". Shes not over the ex. IF she was , she would be rejecting all his call and messages, she has no ties to keep communicating with him. And she wouldnt have went anywhere with him.


You were in the right, and Id say just a walk away, in regards to her answering calls/messages. IF you were anyone important to her shed answer them. Shes answering the ex right? The ex that cheated on her and treats her poorly?

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Well we had a talk last night. She said that she got too drunk and got insecure when I told her that I was going out with my friends and worried that I was going to "meet someone." She said it was stupid of her to talk to her ex, she said all she did was talk about me and it just made him angry. She said another reason why she hit him up was because the date they were supposed to get married was that weekend. She told me she wants to be with me and that she would stop all communication with him because I am the first person that had ever treated her right. She continued to tell me that she comes from a broken home where her parents are staying together even though her father cheats, etc. I thought we actually had a very open conversation. We talked for a couple hours. About 3am I took her home. She started texting me that she missed me and that she wanted to go to lunch with me. At that same time I checked my email and I was getting messages on FB from her ex saying "We should talk about what happened with my ex and what has been going on between them" I told her I was getting messages from him and she freaked saying he was crazy and that she would do anything to show me that she was completely honest with me. I told her I was going to bed and didnt want to deal with it.


This morning I got a text from her saying she doesnt want all this drama. I told her that I was a long time out of high school and the last thing I was going to do is go through anything with ex drama. I told her it was best that we go our separate ways and I wish her the best, but from this point on I would not responf to any of her texts or calls. So yes, I am too old to deal with anything like this and I just figured anyone telling me that they are falling for me after knowing me for 3 weeks was probably not in my best interest to continue anything with.

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