Have you ever have had to convince yourself to love someone?

[dramallama]

Have you ever have had to convince yourself to love someone? Where you never quite fell in love, but went along with the relationship anyway hoping that love would eventually turn up, but it didn't? What happened in the end of the relationship? What was the difference when you actually did fall in love with the next person? Please share your stories.

[italiannmf24]

When your in love you don't need to convince yourself that your in it. You just know.

 

Speaking of being in love, it can be a very complicated emotion. Basically, if you need to convince yourself that your in love with your partner, your probably not in love.

[GrowingIn]

Honestly this emotion itself means nothing to me anymore. Without defining it, Love can mean anything. And what Love means changes for me with years.

 

Why do two people who are absolutely not right for each, do not want each other in the beggining, but have arranged marriages that last a lifetime and then claim to truly love each other towards the end? Certainly they had to "force" themselves. Or perhaps was it that long-lasting love is something you create in the first place.

 

If love is appreciation, dedication, respect, admiration....sure.....you will probably end up loving a person that spends years of being with you that earns all that even if you had to "force" yourself in the beginning, because in the beginning love for you was based on ideas, pre-conceived notions, attraction and even infatuation.

 

But wait a second...if we believed that...then we could love just about anyone that does that no? hmmm....it ruins that whole "the one" or "soul mate" thing people love to throw around......

[LINReg]

Have you ever have had to convince yourself to love someone?

 

Yes, I have to convince myself to love my annoying relatives every holiday lol. Jk.

 

But seriously, my first "official" relationship was with a boy who asked me out of the blue. He had a crush on me for sometime, and I went along with it because I thought what the heck. I tried to like him. We held hands and did coupley things but the feeling was never really there. Eventually it ended but on good terms since there was no strong feelings on both sides.

 

Later when I feel in love for real it was so much better. The conversations, the connections everything was just amazing. When the love isn't forced it feels so great to be accepted for who you are and being able to look at your partner with the same feeling. You want to be with them and they want to be with you. However it hurt a lot more when it ended, but I would have taken the natural love over forced love any day.

 

Overall the "forced love" relationship didn't have as much an impact on my heart as they did my head. I do appreciate them for the simplistic nature and even though I never really loved him, sometimes I look at that relationship and think "man I wish things were always that simple." Then again, things are always simpler when it doesn't involve feelings but that doesn't make it better.

[Elisian]

Yes, as a matter of fact I just broke up from a four month relationship for that very reason.

 

I kept hoping the love factor would appear, but it never did. For me at least. Hopefully I find it in someone else. It was hard to break off though since we were each other's first relationships, and he told me at the end that he had loved me and he showed it all along. It just hurt not to feel the same way and to feel that I was faking it. But it was hard to explain to him why I was breaking up, especially since I had no experience to draw from, but I did my best.

 

 

If you want to read more about it here is the link:

 

Post # 14 is the only one you really have to read, I know I go on about nothing a lot, lol

 

 

Have you had any experiences of the same nature dramallama?

[dramallama]

Yes, my last ex never really fell in love with me, I don't think. I was in love with him for over a year when we were friends and I begged him to commit to me. He eventually said "well... I could grow to love you." Trust me. When someone needs to convince themselves to love you or be in a relationship with you, don't try to talk them into it. They know themselves best and whether they want to be with you or not. So the best thing to do is to read between the lines and say "thanks anyway and good luck with life" and move on. I learnt that the hard way, but it was a valuable life lesson. And the same goes for when someone breaks up with you too.

 

On the flipside, I have also felt nothing for someone who was in love with me and wanted to go out with me for years on and off. I just never felt the chemistry, though. It's either there or not, in my experience.

[DrKitten]

In my last serious relationship, I don't think I was ever really in love. I cared about him a lot and was happy in the relationship for a while, but I eventually became less happy and began feeling more smothered, annoyed, and resentful. He was ready to marry me any day, but I could not see myself with him in the future. It was my first real adult relationship and it just me time and learning to figure that it wasn't right for me.

 

My relationship now is wildly different from that one. It's very passionate and full of life. I feel like my current partner understands me and my needs more, where my ex didn't. Their personalities and temperaments are also very different. I definitely feel my current boyfriend is just an overall better match for me than my ex.

[piruru]

I quite agree with your post in terms of love. I really don't know what love is anymore, it changes too often and confuses me all the time. There are so many different types of love too.

 

I think "the one" happens when you meet someone who you appreciate, respect, admire, etc more than others. It happens naturally without you having to "force" yourself to "love" them too much.

 

As for convincing myself to love someone, sometimes I'm not sure if it was convincing myself to love someone or if it really was love, just a different type of love.

[Arsonist]

Yup, just recently. I met a girl that was gorgeous and was athletic and had a good personality ( so i thought ) but for some reason i just couldnt find that feeling of love and i realized that i was trying too hard to make myself love her, this is why when we were still going out on dates i never kissed her. I don't follow the rules of "kiss her on the 3rd date" i do it when i feel like its the right time, and i never got that feeling.

[gingerlemon]

I'm kind of in that situation at the moment. I haven't quite given up yet.

[GrowingIn]

I quite agree with your post in terms of love. I really don't know what love is anymore, it changes too often and confuses me all the time. There are so many different types of love too.

 

I think "the one" happens when you meet someone who you appreciate, respect, admire, etc more than others. It happens naturally without you having to "force" yourself to "love" them too much.

 

As for convincing myself to love someone, sometimes I'm not sure if it was convincing myself to love someone or if it really was love, just a different type of love.

 

What I was saying is the "forcing" part comes in to play when it comes to the relationship. Because all of those things come with time. You can't respect, admire and appreciate that person unless you spend quality time with that person and he/she earns it over years, when dealing with issues and life events. The "forcing" part may just come into play when the going gets tough to stick around long enough for those things to take place. Sometimes you don't need to and you are in love from the get go and then it becomes that over time naturally. Other times....the only way you ever get to that phase is if you force yourself to get through the crap.

 

I keep coming back to a southern saying rednecks around here like to say: marriage is a barrel full of crap with an inch of honey on top.

[Sweetkisses22]

I met a guy who loved me and treated me so well. He was a great bf and person. The thing is I never had that passionate love for him. I feel like it was always a friendship love. We were together for almost 3 years. I eventually ended it because I couldn't pretend I was in love with him anymore. I tried to but I knew it was wrong. I was miserable because I felt like I was settling for so long. He is still the best guy I have ever been with but I just never loved him like that. I wish I did. In the end it just doesn't work. You can't make yourself love someone.