when do you know that it's finally time to move on?

[jt214]

Hi,

 

So I hope this isn’t too long, this is the last post I will make about this girl who continues to occupy my mind:

 

We were both Juniors in college when we started dating last fall. I was so in love with her, but I was going abroad in the spring, so she dumped me. I was feeling terrible, way worse than I’ve ever been, and I couldn’t stop wishing that I had made different choices and could have canceled going abroad.

 

I went abroad, and it was a lot of fun, but I still missed her. She didn’t contact me once while I was abroad. I made an effort to talk to her, but she never initiated conversation. Then I started to realize that she didn’t treat me very well when we were dating. She used to remind me that some of her friends thought I wasn’t good enough for her, that if this other guy were around I ought to be nervous…it goes on. Without going into it, she also had MAJOR insecurity issues. But in spite of all this, I came back to school after abroad to see her. We had dinner twice, and it was fine, even though it felt like she hadn’t really changed at all. After the second dinner, I told her that despite how good abroad was, I still missed her a lot and I was really sorry about the timing. She replied by shrugging her shoulders and saying “it is what it is”. After she said that, I decided that I was done.

 

That was over a month ago, and we haven’t spoken since then. It’s still been sort of up and down, but lately I’ve been thinking about contacting her just to make sure that this thing really is 100% over. I thought I had enough closure but now I’m not sure. It’s just so hard for me to face reality. I cared about her so much, in spite of her kinda treating me like crap. I guess I’m wondering whether I should just continue to keep no contact, or should I break it just to be 100% sure?

[Nearbot]

Keep no contact. She knows how you feel and knows how to contact you. It's time to move on the moment they dump you.

[r0ckox]

It's weird to say... but I think you "just know" when it's finally time to move on. One day it hits you, and its like "why did I even bother with XXXXX person??" -- it comes over time, and through acceptance. Don't contact her... if it's been over a month since you spoke... it's over.

 

You'll know it when it comes, trust me.

[Gimpyrks]

I agree with the above. There came a point in my life where I realized that some of my "friends" weren't really invested in the friendship because I was always initializing the contact and I stopped all together, and I applied this to exs. They have a voice, brain, and fingers. If they REALLY wanted to contact me, they would.

 

I am sorry to hear about your situation feel free to pm if you need someone to talk to.

[Ms Darcy]

Why did you love her if she didn't treat you well?

[Live-N-Learn]

Based on what you have written it's seems it is over. I would not contact her. She knows how to get ahold of you and has chosen not to call or reach out. That's all the closure you need.

[jt214]

Why did you love her if she didn't treat you well?

 

I guess i dont really have an answer for that. Maybe it had more to do with the fact that it was the first real relationship i've had in over 2 years, but I just couldn't help but care about her the way I did. I never really paid attention to the bad stuff until after we broke up. i only looked at the good stuff because i was completely 100% under her spell. i couldn't see things the way they actually were because the love i had for her took over me