Feeling Bad, But I Can't Do Much About This Issue :/

[InvisibleWound]

My best friend got pretty upset with me today. Ever since Christmas we have slowly grown apart and he on occasion in personal emails to me or even MSN convos had blamed me.

 

It is both of our fault... First off, he started smoking weed again, I have nothing against, tons of people I know smoke it, but I don't... We've gone for drives and he would bring some with him, not a huge deal, I just let it slid but lately its bugging me, I don't even smoke and hes not allowed to smoke in my car, so he has to outside, but I feel sort of annoyed that he is bringing drugs into my car. I assume if I got pulled over though we would get in trouble, not me?

 

Anyways he has this whole new circle of friends, they all do pot and drink all the time. And not to be rude but a lot of them are wel fare bums, they do nothing with their life and don't look for work because wel fare is there for them... He has no job and he says hes looking but he really isn't and has no interest to. He has a whole year of not working, so...

 

Aside from that we don't hang out like ever. He has blown me off twice when were suppose to take a drive, and I have blown him off about 5 times I guess. So we both are bad for that... He gets so mad at me though for not making effort to hang out with him. Well my EI runs out in July, my car needs a new gas tank, new muffler, so no I don't feel like driving 30 minutes away to see him. Not to mention 80% of the time I don't have the gas money anyways...

 

Yet I get allll the blame for us not hanging out. His birthday is tomorrow and I told him I wasn;t getting him anything but would visit Tuesday because that is when I get my EI and I was going to visit my parents anyways. I sometimes play bingo with my mom, so that was a topic I already discussed with her. Well he said something on the lines of "Its great to see you chose bingo over spending time with your best friend on his birthday" I see a lot wrong with the statement...

 

Me and him have an almost non existent friendship, it died months ago, were friends and thats it... Tuesday is the only day I will have money coming to me, so it has to be that day or Wednesday or Thursday...

 

After he said he comment he said bye and went offline. I have wrote about this friend before, litterally every month he does this then blocks me. Its so stupid. I can't help that I can't visit him on his birthday, if wanted to schedule a drive for me I would, but I seriously have no money, ever since my car started breaking down I have been screwed for money.

 

I am just so frustrated with him, he knows my financial situation yet every week or 2 I get blamed as this bad friend. Like I said he makes hardly any time for me, so why should I be the one causing the rift between us when its him to?

 

Ugh, has anyone else had this happened? I am getting very frustrated by it all...

[Crafty]

Step one, you tell him that there's is to be no drugs in your car, or anywhere near you. If he's caught, and you're with him, you could, both get in trouble for it. You need to convince him that his new circle of friends aren't true friends, they're bum's, as you've stated, they don't do him any good by encouraging him to smoke pot, trust me on that. It does no good, and wont do any good.

 

You need to convince him to get his act straight you get off his ass and go and look for a job. Call the shots. If you're unhappy with him taking advantage of the welfare system, and just being a lazy arrogant arse. Then tell him your friendship is over if things don't change, then he'll know who's feet he's standing on and things just got real.

 

As for the thing about taking out, I can't say much about that. You both need to work out arrangements, plan ahead, tell him that you're taking him out. Just him, none of his friends. You want a night with him, not a piss up party with his friends.

 

You don't have to go for a drive, you could go for a walk, just hang around with each other. You don't need a car, to have fun.

[InvisibleWound]

Hi Crafty,

 

Well today the argument for yesterday escalated to the point that we are not on speaking terms. And it all is put up as pretty much being *my fault* You are right that we could just go for walks and stuff, he lives 30 minutes away (driving distance) though, so walking is kind of hard unless he was closer. And when he did live here I visited him usually 3 - 4 times a week, a couple weeks less or not at all because I was just to busy.

 

Anyways I did something bad by lieing to him sometimes about not wanting to hangout with him and its because of the damn money issue. He owes me $2,000 dollars so its hard to look at our friendship the same. We fought about this before and it ended our friendship now its sort of worse because its 3 years later or whatever it is...

 

I told him I'd spend time with him tomorrow after his birthday but I just couldn't believe the fit he was putting up, he was insulting me being very rude. So I couldn't take it anymore and just told him that this is how it had to be. I have no money until Tuesday, he just has to wait... Now the thing with me lieing is because he owes me money, a few times he asked me to hangout I lied and said I was busy, because I couldn't stand being around him because of the money thing.

 

Of course he called me petty, understandable, maybe I deserved that. But I just told him the truth that I can't deal with the money thing and sometimes it prevents me from wanting to be around him. This happened back in 2008 as well, after the money stuff happened. So this is twice that I had lied to him about why I didn't want to be around him.

 

I feel bad to an extent but at the same time I don't. He had a good job twice since this happened and could of paid me back but quit those jobs because of the people he was working with. I just am tired of being the bad friend. So I went on to tell him that our rift/falling apart is his fault as well because he chooses drugs over a lot of things, including spending time with me, so that makes him seem slightly worse. I know I am worse though because of lieing...

 

I just told him I'd try not to let the money thing overcome but that if it couldn't then I suppose we wouldn't be able to talk anymore. So he went on to say something on the lines that money isn't what will ruin us, the way I handle the situation will... By letting it ruin our friendship. So its all left to me to do the deciding.

 

I don;t know, I half don't care if I speak to him, but a part of me does. I am just tired of being blamed by him all the time...