7 year relationship over and lost :(

[FJTL]

Hi,

 

This is my first ever post.

I met my bf when I was 14 and we had been together for 7 1/2 years until we split up at christmas. We had a difficult start to our relationship as my parents didnt approve of me seeing someone at such a young age

I knew i loved this person straight away and after 6 months my parents told me i couldnt see him anymore. We then broke up but 4 months later reunited and had been together ever since

During these 4 months he had slept with a girl and she got pregnant. I decided to support him as I loved him and felt thats what I should do

 

Then when she turned about 1, him having access started to become difficult as him and the mother were arguing. Then things died down - he could see her whenever he wanted. I then found out he was sleeping with her to see his daughter

I forgot but didnt forgive but decided that I wanted to still be with him to see if we could still build the relationship into something great

 

After a couple of years things were brilliant, we were young having fun and over this time became the best of friends. I then moved away for a couple of months to go to college and then found out he had slept with someone else. I moved back home (not because of him) and we were discussing whether it was right to stay together. We were both young and loved each other so much but he started to treat me pretty badly.

He would go out with his friends and meet up with this girl and call me telling me to get out of his house at 1am in the morning and found out it was because he wanted this girl to come and stay

 

Anyway after a few weeks he realised the error of his ways - cut off all contact altogether. We re built the trust and actually had a better relationship after this

So a few more happy/wonderful years went by and then it comes to Xmas 2010. I am 21 and he is 23 - he has a lovely 5 year old daughter who we regularly saw and we became a little family

I have a lovely job with wonderful friends who my boyfriend got on really well with so I decided to take him to my works xmas do the week before xmas

 

He had met one of my close work friends at this party and they both got on really well. She didnt have many friends and was quite mis-understood but i really liked her and thought it was great my bf liked her too. We had a great night and went on into town afterwards

We got to about 3 in the morning and decided we would go home - we walked to our house and my bf said he would walk my friend home as it was dark and had been snowing so was quite dangerous

 

This wasnt unusual for me as he had done this plenty of times for my friends before - he is the type of person that doesnt think a girl should walk home alone in the dark.

I went into the house got a cuppa and went to bed about 4am. I woke up about 7am and he wasnt in the bed. I was still pretty drunk so didnt take any notice and went back to sleep

 

I then woke up again at 11am and he still wasnt back - i checked the house to make sure he hadnt collapsed on the sofa when he got home. He was nowhere to be seen

I was quite concerned - as it had been snowin and was quite slippy I thought maybe he had fallen over and hit his head or something like that

So i tried to call him - after about an hour he answered the phone

 

He had fallen asleeps at my friends house after walking her home - she offered him a cupe of tea and he had falling asleep on the sofa. This might seem quite strange but he had done this before aswell so didnt think it was unusual

After sobering up he came home but he started to act strangely. Wouldnt be affectionate to me in anyway. Started picking arguements with me and I would question what was wrong

 

He said he didnt know but would talk to me when he knew - anyway it gets to xmas day. We have a lovely day with his daughter and then spent boxing day with my family

After having too much to drink he blurted out that he had slept with my friend from work. When i was calling him concerned he was hurt he actually wasnt answering the phone because he was naked in bed with her cuddling

 

I felt absolutely devastated - even though he had done this before. This time it was different

He begged and begged for my forgiveness and I said no. As I couldnt move out straight away we went into separate bedrooms and occasionally spoke

This went on for a couple of months and saving enough money was a struggle and eventually we argued and I hated him so much I left and moved back in with my parents

 

We started speaking more and not arguing so agreed we would try and be friends. things have been going really great for me, I have got myself a new house. im interviewing for my dream job...i should be excited but im not

 

I stayed at his house about a week ago and whilst I was asleep he was texting this girl he had met when we were together but didnt do anything with her telling her how beautiful she is etc etc

I felt really upset that he couldnt even give me a few hours of his time without him cracking onto someone else

We had a blazing row and I left on a bad note....we spoke by text a couple of days later and decided its best if we dont speak or see each other anymore

 

When it finally hit me that i wasnt going to see or speak to him again my feelings went crazy. I have seen this person and spoken to this person everyday for over 7 years and now that is gone.

Even though through all of this is still love him more than anything I denied it as I didnt want him to have any kind of satisfaction but now that we were stopping speaking my feelings got stronger

 

So now - i still love him more than anything and always will. He was my best friend and my soul mate. I have never connected with anyone in this way in my whole life and its the same for him

we like the same things which none of our other friends like - we could tell each other anything in the world

My head is telling me not to go there because i cannot trust him and i may not be happy with him but my heart is saying you love him and life is too short to waste time and i dont know which one to go with

 

Firstly i am worried about what people will say which is influencing my decision....which is shouldnt!!

I am sitting here crying my eyes out whilst writing this because i feel so lost and dont know what to do

Do i worry about what people say and maybe loose out on something great or do i do it

 

he has made an effort to prove he realises his mistake and would never do it again but the problem now is because i have told him so many times we arent getting back together he has come to terms with that and doesnt want me anymore which makes me want him back even more!!

 

Someone please help me

[Ms Darcy]

I think the idea of soul mates has been misconstrued. In my opinion, soul mates don't cheat on you over and over again. Soul mates don't block you out. Soul mates don't text other girls around you. He may be a good friend, and you may have a history with him, and you may have a close "cosmic" tie, but in no way is he your soul mate.

 

Do not EVER think that he man that you are meant to be with will treat you this way. He is not the man for you. Take time and do not contact him. You are young - focus on your career and friends. Stay single for a while. Read some self-help books. Exercise and get in great shape. Improve YOU and your self-esteem. Start making goals for yourself asap. Try not to think of him as much as the lesson that this mess has taught you.

 

Be strong.

[NightLily]

I'm crying right now too over a sudden break up. Totally different story and I just started a thread on it as well if you have an interest. You aren't alone in feeling bad though right now

 

All I can say is that you may have a history with him but it is a messy one. Just think of all the heartache and drama he put you through. I think there are guys who are capable of having more stable and healthy relationships (ok.. I hope there are). We just need to get through the moment, the day, the week.

[Hearts]

From what I read, this guy wanna have his cake and eat it too.

I don't think a life with him would be too stable by judging from his past mistakes, he doesn't sound like he will ever stop hurting you.

I see that you feel you love him now but when you find someone who behaves as you deserve you won't even think about him, just be strong and don't waste years on this guy, in my opinion.