24 days nc... And it still feels like day 1

[whatsthedeal]

Hi guys.. So I'm going on day 25 of nc Wow.. Can that be right already... I haven't seen him in 114 days... Omg I can't believe that, it truly breaks my heart. He hasn't called me in all that time. I guess he never will again. My heart is shatterred. It's weird how I feel so "ok" one minute but then I'm crusehd the next. It's not fair. I love him so much. Why can't I have the one thing in the world that I want? It crushes me. I feel like I'm gonna be alone forever, and that i won't meet someone that I love this much. Why has he jut let go so easily, I thought he love me more than this. I've done everything, gone out, went on a trip with my girlfriends, always busy busy busy but he still occupies my thoughts and has ripped out a piece of my heart.

I dontthink we could ever be together again.. But it still crushes meento my core.

I know that there is one more thing I need to do. I have Bern looking at his emails to know what's goin on with him, but I can't see much, but it's almost like an obsession.. Since it's the only left me to see and to know what's going on. I know this needs to stop and it's probably one of the reasons it's harder.

Today is very difficult!

[Gerda]

I'm kind of confused about the timeline, did you guys break up 114 days ago and have talked since? Or did you break up 24 days ago after a while of not seeing each other in person?

 

In any case...it's going to be okay. You're having a renewal of the pain because the reality of him not coming back to you (even with a phone call) is more and more undeniable. I know it hurts, I have been there, but the good news is that now you can start to really feel better. When you still have that hope you can't really heal all the way. And you obviously had hope or you wouldn't be disappointed he's still not calling.

 

If there is a reason you cannot have the one thing in the world you want, it's probably because what you want isn't what's best for you. It's natural to not believe that, btw. I see no reason to believe you will be alone forever. Do you even know ANYBODY who has been alone forever? But it's natural to feel how you feel. I don't know why he [apparently] let go so easily. It happened to me, as well as lots of other people, too. It just seems to happen. I can tell you that that potential part of my most recent heartache was just killing me about a month ago. I don't really care now. I'm more consistently happy now than I have been in a long time. I loved my ex, but I wasn't happy with him, he made me unhappy just about every day. It's not his fault, he's not a bad person, it just needed to end between us. I would totally not exchange what I have now for what I had with him. You're going to get to this point, too.

 

So...did you say you were spying on his email account? That has to stop if you are. For the life of me I don't know why so many people give out their email or FB account passwords...