I miss my ex , she dumped me, sent her a letter and now its kind of backfired...

[m011d402]

Hi everyone, new to this but no where else to turn. Basically, with my girlfriend for 15 months. We go on holiday, come back and she over 2-3 weeks becomes more distant until she says its over. She says my insecurities were too much and she cant live with me any more. I have attended counselling for anger/insecurity issues and anger was totally 'fixed' (she agrees im unrecognisable to when she met me) and insecurity was pretty much 80% better and still improving, which she acknowledged.

 

Anyway, we work together so our relationship was always in secret as one of us would be moved out the office if it came out. She has been really busy lately as her best friend had a baby so she rushing around everywhere, im not even sure shes had time to think at all, she hasnt even unpacked her suitcase properly from holiday shes been that busy.

 

She says she loves me, wont say we will never get back together because she doesnt know what future holds and says she misses me. Ive gone through the whole begging her ba throughout the last month, crying (at work in private but shes seen me) and its just totally unbearable seeing her every day.

 

She does not text or call me, i have sent a few and she replies to around 50% saying im sorry i ccant be there for you, its very hard for me etc etc (she was close to my little boy and he is having treatment for a disability so she asks about him). So i decided i had to leave work. By chance a job came up and i was told i had got it. So i wrote a long letter to her. the letter basically said the secret the pressure of it all was too much for us (she used to say we cant be real or i cant have a proper boyfriend while we work together as its in secret) it said we never had a hope. It asks her if something is holding her back and she doesnt want to move on or meet anyone then can we try again, start afresh as friends and see what happens as i am leaving the office and we can be open to everyone at last no secrets. It says if you cant and want to move on then i will now be not contacting you as i cant take being ignored and i dont want to be someone you occasionally ctach up with because i can never accept you with someone else.

 

In last few days she had begun to text more but said she didnt know if it was helping me or her. So i met her at the park we always went to. We cried, we cuddled and i handed her the letter to read. We kissed goodbye (a lingering kiss - god i sound pathetic) and we walked away. That was Friday.

 

The next day on Saturday i was in work and i got told i didnt have the job after all so now i have to hang around there for another 4 months until i can leave when my promotion comes in in November. I emailed her and told her and she said she hadnt even finished reading the letter and i was overhwelming her withall i was saying and asking. So i apolgised and havent text her since. That was two days ago. No contact since.

 

So can anyone help me? The idea was i leave and as i said in letter you will see what its like to miss me. How can i now do no contact if i work with her in same office same team. I cannot move thats not an option it would jeopardise my promotion. One thing about her she has ALWAYS kept her word on promises and she says numerous times she will not meet anyone til one of us leaves and she has no interest in meeting anyone, you have to know her and there is no way she would go back on that so thats not my worry. My worry is how will she miss me now? Dropping texting her and bombarding her with emails/texts will that help? I know NC is for me to move on but she does seem a little doubtful and has text me with kisses etc and once said shed liekt o come to a treatement with me and my boy.

 

Anyway any advice on what to do now? I will not be contacting her at all but how should i be in work? I have decided if she doesnt text me im leaving it but any tips because im struggling badly i cant help but get upset seeing her its like shes moving on withome, leaving me behind. And please, i have learnt my lesson, work relationships suck.

 

I hope someone can help. I just want to know if no contact can still work in this situation and what to do if she emails me on work related matters and then asks personal questions ie hows my boy etc. I really dont want her to know unless she wants to be close again, ive told her that, ive said i dont want the odd contact. Thanks guys.

[Ms Darcy]

Hi everyone, new to this but no where else to turn. Basically, with my girlfriend for 15 months. We go on holiday, come back and she over 2-3 weeks becomes more distant until she says its over. She says my insecurities were too much and she cant live with me any more. I have attended counselling for anger/insecurity issues and anger was totally 'fixed' (she agrees im unrecognisable to when she met me) and insecurity was pretty much 80% better and still improving, which she acknowledged.

 

I may not give you the help you want to hear. I had an angry ex. (read: ex). That hurt from how he treated you almost rarely disappears. Sometimes there is too much water under the bridge and it erodes the love away. Give her space and let her make her decision. IF she never returns, this will be the greatest lesson for you in learning how to treat others.

[chitown9]

I know that it is tough on you seeing her at work. Since you cannot change that situation at this time, all you can do is act professionaly when you need to interact with her regarding business matters. Respond to her e-mails regarding business matters only. I would decline allowing her to accompany you and your son to his appointment. You need to put a stop to any contact that is not related to business.

[hello678]

Just don't contact her out of work and avoid contact at work. The situation is simple. Don't make your life suck by leaving work.

[m011d402]

What do i do if she emails me in work and she asks after my boy or how ive been? I have been no contact for 4 days now. We have a messenger thing we used to talk on and she logs on a few times a day, im sure to see if im logged on. Its very hard not to text her. Also, last week before we met and handed her letter she emailed and said 'please stop trying to avoid seeing me' and whenever i go downstairs to another floor to sit in a quiet room when i need to get my head together she does sometimes come down. What do i do if she does this?

[Ms Darcy]

When someone leaves, they forfeit the right to your life. I would ignore her. It has only been a few days. be strong friend.