Samatha Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 So, I have been reading about both of them.. the first one states that in order to get or achieve something, you have to follow the ways to get it like to have a vibe, strong desire etc.. The second tells that you have to detach from something, not meaning stopping the desire, just not forcing anything, since natural forcs will bring it to you anyways... So.. I feel confused. aren-t those opposite? One tells to follow, the other not to follow. maybe I have understood something in the wrong way... what do you think about it? Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Well, not clinging to something isn't the same as not wanting. I've noticed that unless it's an unhealthy relationship, the more you cling to a person, the more you drive them away. It's pretty unattractive behaviour. Link to comment
Goncas Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Hey Samatha The way i seet it if you want to get back together with someone you must believe 100% that will happen and bee cool, relaxed about it because you will expect it to happen sometime in the future. The detachment will allow you to let things go smoothly and it is known the more your pressure the more "it" runs away... I can be completely off but... Link to comment
Alezia Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I skimmed those laws for a few seconds so I may be in the wrong. I naturally follow that sort of logic in my everyday thinking, so it may come more naturally than to others. What it says is when you desire something, always view it as something positive. Don't think you are entitled to your desire (ex: I went through university so, I DESERVE a high paying job). Don't become needy and obsessive. Keep open to read signals that can help you further that goal, but at the same time don't become blinded to other possibilities which may be better for you. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 i've always heard it referred to as ''non-attachment''. it's one of the defining principles of buddhism. can't say i've heard much of it in the context of attaining things. i think, more practically, non-attachment is a tool that promotes spiritual well-being. attachment is often a great source of pain and discomfort. in terms of holding on especially, it's a resistance to the way things are. what could be more painful? so, i think in terms of the law of attraction...'detaching' yourself means removing the resistance from your life (which doesn't necessarily correspond to feeling good initially). with the resistance gone, you're open to the natural flow of things...and therefore more naturally receptive to the things that are entering into your life (whether 'good' or 'bad'). it doesn't mean that you're immune to unpleasantness though...and perhaps that's where the law of attraction falls short. it seems to suggest that one can live a life free from unpleasantness, simply by attracting only pleasantness. someone correct me if i'm out to lunch there! Link to comment
Alezia Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 To me, it is rather a change in the state of mind (your view point) which makes you go from unpleasant to pleasant. Instead of always wanting things, you live in the moment and you don't hold on too much to one specific outcome. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 To me, it is rather a change in the state of mind (your view point) which makes you go from unpleasant to pleasant. Instead of always wanting things, you live in the moment and you don't hold on too much to one specific outcome. that's the essence of non-attachment. and while unpleasantness may still come...it's not an emotionally charged event. it comes...and it goes. same as pleasantness. and probably on a deeper level, those two things are really just points of view as you say, alezia. i think though, that for most of us, there will always be varying degrees of both...regardless of how skilled we become at altering our perspectives. you know? Link to comment
Ambiguous X Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 All principles and laws must be applied in a context...discerning when to do what is more important than just following "laws." Link to comment
Samatha Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Well I think it's posted here, as desire to get the ex back, or to be with someone, or just be happy.. but those laws can be 'applied' in career, studies, work, interfamiliar relations etc etc... so it's not like 'you will never get your ex back if you cling up to him'.. nor do these laws guarantee anything.. again, but it helps, imho, to achieve some positive vibes, to leave pressure upon oneself and start to feel better about oneself and the future and everything that surrounds one.. but again, maybe I understood something the wrog way BUT, in your opinion, don't you think those laws (attraction vs detachemnt) are a bit contradictory? since, I think, one says to FOLLOW what you want, the other to let it be... (letting go, de-attach).. what do you think, can both by applied in the same moment and same circumstances? Link to comment
Ambiguous X Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Most things in life are contradictions and yes they both can be applied in same moment and same circumstances. In fact working torwards a desire while detachhed from it is one of the highest functioning states there is. Desire keeps you focused, detachment keeps you poised and patient. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Most things in life are contradictions and yes they both can be applied in same moment and same circumstances. In fact working torwards a desire while detachhed from it is one of the highest functioning states there is. Desire keeps you focused, detachment keeps you poised and patient. it makes sense!! just to add to that...i think the contradiction comes in how you choose to look at the two words. by literal definition...the two would seem to be in glaring contradiction with each other. but consider the nature of attraction. it's really just an openness to the things around you. you're open to it...and therefore you're willing to let it come into your life. non-attachment (or detachment) really only compliments that. by not being attached to any particular outcome...you've actually made yourself more open to attracting things into your life. Link to comment
Samatha Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 But I think it's difficult.. Like to have desire, but be patient and detached... how do you know that having that desire, and you doing something, to achieve it, being patient, is not something you're forcing? does this question make sense? Link to comment
Ambiguous X Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 But I think it's difficult.. Like to have desire, but be patient and detached... how do you know that having that desire, and you doing something, to achieve it, being patient, is not something you're forcing? does this question make sense?Desire and meaning are subjective to some degree. Artists create. Asking questions such as yours is a good way to annhilate the self...at some point recreate the self. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 But I think it's difficult.. Like to have desire, but be patient and detached... how do you know that having that desire, and you doing something, to achieve it, being patient, is not something you're forcing? does this question make sense? are you asking if having the desire itself is something you're forcing? or...is working towards that desire through actions, with patience...is that what's being forced? Link to comment
learning2relax Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 But I think it's difficult.. Like to have desire, but be patient and detached... how do you know that having that desire, and you doing something, to achieve it, being patient, is not something you're forcing? does this question make sense? I am not professing to have mastered any of this but am learning and embracing things like non-attachment and attraction. That said, my guess at why you are finding it difficult to logically accept or embrace both as it relates to your situation is because you are tied to the outcome of your desire. Therefore you are attached. If you desire something but are not tied to the outcome you are not attached. For example, if you desire to have a meaningful, trusting and intimate relationship with the people in your life but are not attached to the outcome - the people that seek the same will find their way to you. I think where it gets difficult and speaking for myself here is when you are desirous of a certain type of a relationship with a certain person. It is difficult to have the desire when it has a specific target and not be attached to the outcome. And as a result you may be preventing yourself from actually attracting others, with the values or the capability of the type of relationship you seek, to you. So what I try and do in my instance as it relates to my ex is understand that if it is meant to be than it will happen and if it isn't than it won't and the results will be in my best interest. And I work to let it go (tough stuff btw). In the meantime, if I rather focus on values in people that I desire without specific targets or conditions, I may allow people with those values to be attracted to me and therefore my life more fulfilling. But again, in what it is I am attracting.....I have no attachment tied to an outcome. I appreciate the here and now. If I am tied to an outcome I am not present and enjoying what I have in front of me and as a result, could push that which I desired away. Link to comment
Samatha Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 are you asking if having the desire itself is something you're forcing? or...is working towards that desire through actions, with patience...is that what's being forced? I was thinking of the first one.. but now that you put the second, that could be another good question, too.. Link to comment
Samatha Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 This is so good explained.. yet so difficult to put into realization, since, for me, it's natural, since ever, to do something, or to even a tiny bit, expect something ( = being attached to an outcome).. this happens in everything, even now, deep inside, I hope to be in a realtionship, maybe with my ex.. I study so to pass my exams, I try to learn many languages so to have better chances with my job, I watch a tennis match, and hope someone of them to win... I don't know if I explan myself or give the idea that I have in my mind.. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 This is so good explained.. yet so difficult to put into realization, since, for me, it's natural, since ever, to do something, or to even a tiny bit, expect something ( = being attached to an outcome).. this happens in everything, even now, deep inside, I hope to be in a realtionship, maybe with my ex.. I study so to pass my exams, I try to learn many languages so to have better chances with my job, I watch a tennis match, and hope someone of them to win... I don't know if I explan myself or give the idea that I have in my mind.. hmmmm...i'm thinking hoping for something isn't the same thing as being attached to it. sometimes it is. but consider what happens if that hope is not realized. i think this is where you realize whether or not you've achieved some level of non-attachment. does not getting what you hope for send you into a torrent of pain and suffering? does it consume you with a feeling of loss? are you incapable of moving forward because you're so paralyzed by what's missing? or...is it something that -- while you may not conisider it to be a pleasant experience -- you can accept for what it is and continue on with your life? can you move forward with full acceptance of the fact that things didn't go your way? maybe that's the tough part. it's tough to know what you're really experiencing until you're tested. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 This is so good explained.. yet so difficult to put into realization, since, for me, it's natural, since ever, to do something, or to even a tiny bit, expect something ( = being attached to an outcome).. this happens in everything, even now, deep inside, I hope to be in a realtionship, maybe with my ex.. I study so to pass my exams, I try to learn many languages so to have better chances with my job, I watch a tennis match, and hope someone of them to win... I don't know if I explan myself or give the idea that I have in my mind.. Hope for me creates an expectation that ties me to an outcome and provides an opportunity for me to be disappointed. If I am busy hoping for something, than I am not taking the time to enjoy what I have in front of me because I am too busy hoping. If I focus on the here and now and enjoy the moment, I don't need hope as a distraction. Looking forwards.....hoping or looking backwards......remembering or analyzing, I am losing the opportunity in front of me to enjoy the moment I am currently and actively living. You are suspended in time thinking about the future or reviewing the past. When I had this realization, I also concluded that it wasn't productive. I can't change the past as it is behind me and I can't predict the future but I can participate in my life at the present moment. I will admit that when these concepts were introduced to me, it was a bit of a challenge to grasp. We have all have tendencies to function this way for one reason or another. So, take interest in how you are applying yourself while you are studying and don't worry about how you will do. - worrying could actually hinder your results. You will find out the grade when you get it, it is what it is, you can't change it once you do and you move on. Worry had no productive or positive impact to change that. Even in advance! Watching a tennis match and rooting for someone to win - nothing wrong with it. If you "hope" someone will win, you are disappointed. Do you know this person? Does it change anything? Do they know you are disappointed? Why bother having those types of personal reactions when there is no benefit to you directly or indirectly? It takes time to grasp these concepts but if you are thinking of them and then finding way to practice shifting to them, you might enjoy where you are and how you feel! All the best... Link to comment
nattpanter Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Loads of wise people on this forum...but Im getting to a point where I think "to hell with all this clever thinking, let`s live life and then die" Link to comment
mistojen Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Samantha, as far as the laws of attraction, you have to really want it and feel it in your heart and soul. I imagine that if you detach, even if you still feel it in your soul and are able to move on, the law of attraction comes into play, anyway. But that is pretty confusing, you're right... Link to comment
learning2relax Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 It takes practice - at least that has been my experience. I have been pleasantly surprised that it works. I have to keep at it and catch myself sometimes. It has helped my healing tremendously. Link to comment
Samatha Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 but how do you dettach from something, yet wanting it? as mistojen says, it's quite difficult to understand, and more to put it in practice. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 lots and lots and lots and lots and lots....of reflection. and then...more reflection. and for good measure...reflect some more. people can't give you answers to these kinds of questions. the best you can hope for is that someone will say something that points you in a certain direction. then you can go with that for awhile...figure things out on your own. the nature of desire is pretty interesting. and the more curious about your own desires you are...the more you'll learn about yourself. attachment dictates virtually everything we do. so...find solace in the fact that you'll never lack substance for your reflection. have you ever considered some form of meditation, samatha? Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I've always thought it was rather silly that someone, somewhere thought it was appropriate to call these ideas "laws" - as if they were some sort of absolute like a law of physics. Be that as it may... but how do you dettach from something, yet wanting it? as mistojen says, it's quite difficult to understand, and more to put it in practice. Try and consider that love and attachment are two separate things. Attachment is fueled by ego, and is the root of suffering. Love is selfless and without condition (ideally). If you remember that these things are separate, it makes it easier to let go of the attachment - since you're not throwing the love baby out with the bath water, so to speak. This is at the core of 'letting go with love'. But yes, it's not the simplist of concepts to grasp while overwhelmed with emotion, but is worth the effort to achieve. Link to comment
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