Not sure the kids are mine..?

[mrtangent]

I been divorsed for 0.5 year now. In 2009, my ex wife told me that the children (twins aged 7) could not be mine.. i suspected when she had them that the timing was wrong but went with it because i loved my children and they are wonderful..

 

i found out 2 months later she had another affar in the summer of 09, we went through some fragemented emails and i was aggressive to her over email (we lived in a foregin country (its great hey).. we returned to our home now.. i did hack her email as i did not trust her and wondered how many others and what else she was planning.. now she is posting on facebook all the time about this stuff , how bad a hunsband i was.. there is little truth in it except the hacking aggressive email.. but that was in the context of her aggressive behaviour and being totally screwed up about the kids.. i feel like telling people now and getting the tests as it will become clear as to why.. but it would impact my parents, etc.. and the kids.. maybe i'm not their dad.. i doubt now i can have other kids (even if they are mine) and the timing looking back was wrong.. we had one drunkend time when a condom slipped off but she told me she had sex twice in car.. and has been shady about a condom.. at the time swore one was used..but i'm doubtfull.

 

J

[RedDress]

Those children are yours whether they are biologically yours or not. Since you were married at the time and have acted as father for so many years, courts would name you the "de facto" father and you would be responsible anyways.

 

I know you are hurt... I know it's not right... but those children ARE yours. They love you. You love them. Genes are irrelevant.

 

I understand why you are feeling what you are feeling... but I think trying to establish paternity at this point will be completely destructive for everyone and it won't accomplish anything.

 

Ignore the ex. De-friend her from Facebook. Love your children.

 

And I'm sorry you are going through this...

[Ambiguous X]

You are divorced, the kids aren't yours...move on and leave it all behind.

[avman]

The kids are yours. You are the only father they've ever known. The kids don't care about biology at age 7, they care about the man they call their father. If it makes you feel better go ahead and get a DNA test to settle it in your mind. But don't just walk away from the kids.

[DN]

How would you feel if they are not yours biologically?

 

Remember that however you would feel is valid. I don't think anyone who has not been through this could properly understand, I know I would be devastated if it happened to me. So you should not think badly of yourself because of any feelings that you have.

 

But it is what you do that is important. It is easy for us, who have not been through it, to tell you what you should do and what your responsibilities are, both legally and morally. If they are not yours you are the victim of a fraud, probably knowingly perpetrated on you by your ex. Try not to let your anger about that influence your relationship with the children.

 

I hope you will continue to regard them as yours and continue to love them without allowing this to affect your relationship with them. I think it will be in both your interests and in theirs if you can.

[lukeb]

You are divorced, the kids aren't yours...move on and leave it all behind.

 

I am pretty sure that is totally wrong when the kids are 7, you are in fact legally, and morally their dad, biology or not. It is a good question to ask yourself, whether or not it makes a difference to you.

 

It is time to love your children more than you hate your ex, and see if you can find a way to have a civil relationship with your ex. I would try to reason with your ex before you "talk" to others and wage this online war between the two of you. You would have had the luxury, if you were alone, but you have your children to think about now.

 

good luck

[lostandhurt]

It sounds like you are their father because you love them. I doubt you would ever turn your back on them after all this time anyways.

 

I am not sure what you are asking but ignore your ex and FB! Who cares what she says. It sounds like you dodged a bullet with her anyway you look at it.

 

There are reasons to find out one way or another if they are you biological children. If one of your children becomes very ill that is not the time to try and figure this out so you can get a family history. If your ex even remembers these guys names it might be helpful to know.

 

The kids are still young and so if you choose to find out they probably will never know unless you tell them.

 

In the end you need to decide if you want to know to punish your cheating ex or because you want what is best for the innocent children.

 

Lost

[reidqa]

Ok lets smash the feely good 21 century idealogy.

 

Mr. T you are divorced, thus you must be paying child support for these children.

 

I reside in NYS where support is required now to 23 yrs old and is college, money and medical.

 

So are you willing to kiss 23 yrs goodbye (do not know your state) to pay support and in coming years more support.

 

Are you willing to put future family in danger as cost increase and strain this family.

 

What will you do when children find out or simply realize wow do not like dad, there are many episodes where old children hated non bio father. Why they wanted the sperm donor.

 

Do you want to live with the face of the semen donor looking at you. The act of penetration and fertilization in your brain for your entire life.

 

Do you want the fellow to walk away scot free having inseminated your wife and you pay his meal.

 

 

 

Sit back and think about the above, we are not speaking of a widow or divorcee to whom you seeking a realtionship.