Does this mean he is not attracted to me?

[dark angel9]

Me and my boyfriend started having sex recently. I am worried that he may not be attracted to me. I don't have much sexual experience (only had one previous partner and we only did it a few times).

 

 

1st time I slept over was actually great. We kissed for a bout 10 mins followed by 4-5 mins of intercourse. He was ready to go in about 15 minutes after that and we did it again and he finished within 4-5 minutes (so twice in an hour). That morning, we kissed for an hour and I gave him a hand job that lasted 15 minutes but he managed to come. All in all, it was great and was expecting it to continue like that.

 

2nd time I slept over (a week later) we did it in the evening. It was a bit awkward as he couldn't get it in doggy style and lost erection but managed to get it back 15 minutes later and he finished in the missionary position. That morning, we attempted again, I gave him a blow job for 15 minutes and he didn't cum. We were both late for work so left it at that.

 

3rd I slept over, we had a really long make out session, for over an hour and then we had missionary intercourse that lasted 5 mins. That was it. He didn't attempt any more sex. We kissed in the morning but he didn't escalate further.

 

4th time, our make out session was 2 HOURS, together with lots of dry humping, him sucking on my breasts and similar. He was periodically very hard and periodically went softer during the 2 hours. When we took our pants off and he went to get a condom he was only semi-hard and had to "jerk himself off" for a few secs to get fully hard. We again did missionary and this time he came in 3 minutes. He didn't try again in the morning, although we kissed a lot.

 

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I think that our first night was the best and there was a steady decline after that. I worry that he is just not that attracted to me. Why does he need 1-2 hour make outs to even get to the intercourse? And why is he not attempting sex in the mornings anymore? I even initiated last time and he rolled me off after some kissing.

 

I am cool if he is just inexperienced or similar but do you think it's the lack of attraction problem? All other aspects of relationship are great and if anything have gotten better since the first time we had sex.

 

The nagging worry that he may not be that attracted won't leave me

[Captain Obvious]

Ask him why, noone on here can guess but Im sure its not an attraction problem. Why does he need so long makeouts, well he doesnt but maybe he likes to take his time? Why no sex in the morning, no idea, ask him.

[dark angel9]

I don't want to ask him why. He is pretty sensitive and it could come accross as me criticizing his bedroom skills.

[Captain Obvious]

If you cant express your concerns to him how are you two going to resolve any problems? Assure him it is nothing to do with his bedroom skills, youre just wondering and he might have a legitimate reason. In the end being open and straight up with each other will lead to a better relationship.

[mouseno4]

If you cant express your concerns to him how are you two going to resolve any problems? Assure him it is nothing to do with his bedroom skills, youre just wondering and he might have a legitimate reason. In the end being open and straight up with each other will lead to a better relationship.

 

Top answer right there. You NEED to communicate!! I cant stress that enough. Here is something you can try: TELL HIM about your inexperience, make sure he understands you have only sunk the sub a few times before so if he has more experience than you (not quite sure if he has) then perhaps he could/should take control and drive the boat. After all, if he knows how to steer, then you both are far better off. At least until you feel comfortable and experienced enough. Keep in mind, there is nothing wrong with being inexperienced. Pretty sure nobody was born with degrees in sex'ology.

 

If he knows what he is doing, tell him to help you learn how to do things. Tell him what you do know, what you know how to do, and what you have learned from him. You need to be on the same team, and having good communication between the two of you is a match plan for um.. success/win? (oh and asking him for advice/help to learn to become better for the benefit of both of you is a massive ego boost - ego = sexual prowess for a guy)

 

Good luck!

[RedDress]

Umm... so what in all this makes you think this has anything to do with you? It really sounds like he's just a 4-5 minute guy and that sex in the morning doesn't really do it for him. It's consistant.

 

You are relatively inexperienced - but how experienced is he? Maybe he simply hasn't learnt how to make it last longer...

[Ariel85]

I think he could be getting turned off because you seem to be more interested in timing your sessions, that actually participating. With your eyes so firmly on the clock, I get the feeling you're not too engaged in having sex with him.

[dark angel9]

You misunderstood.

 

I don't care about 5 minute intercourse.

 

I worry about why did he want to do it 3 times in one night the first time and only once each other time?

 

AND I worry that 2 hour make out sessions are what he needs to get hard...meaning that he is not that attracted to me.

[dark angel9]

I guess I posted to ask: does this sound like I am over-analyzing or it there i a real problem here?

[RedDress]

I think you are overanalyzing.

 

He's probably shying away from the morning sex since that didn't work on a few occasions. As far as sex for round 2, on one occasion he had just finished having trouble with doggy and on the other, you guys had just finished fooling around for two hours. He also doesn't NEED two hours of fooling around if he was hard on and off. He was just delaying gratification - which is totally hot. Lucky girl!

 

Cut the guy some slack. It's hard on guys when they loose an erection and stuff. It's completely normal from time to time - but a lot of guys freak out over it. I bet he's sitting there worried that you think he's a bad lover.

 

Do you like this guy or is it just sex? If you like him, I'd give it a lot more than 4 times before you address anything. A couple of awkward session does not a good or bad lover make. And I don't think it has anything to do with you.

[RedDress]

PS: if you want round 2, you can always initiate...

[Ms Darcy]

I guess I posted to ask: does this sound like I am over-analyzing or it there i a real problem here?

 

Honestly, we can't know for sure. You need to communicate with him.

 

How can you be willing to let a man stick his penis into your vagina but not talk to him about your feelings?

[mouseno4]

I wouldnt think too much into things. A lot of things in a relationship come down to convenience.

 

I happen to love foreplay/making out much more than actual sex as i am much more of a 'gamey/playful' type. And yes, because of this, the whole time the flag pole can go up and down like a yoyo. It is not a detriment to yourself being attractive. As someone else said in another thread, sometimes it has a mind of its own. What a lot of girls dont realise is that keeping the guns ready to fire all the time is expensive to the body. That is why very shortly after a sexual encounter, we go soft pretty fast. (that and having the guy pointing at people when you dont actually need it, is quite annoying) Any guy that focuses on your pleasure more than his own is a positive thing.

 

As for morning sex, there are some people who think that 'morning wood' is a reason to fill the hole. Since it is the body ensuring the machinery keep working throughout our lives, and nothing to do with actual intercourse - it isnt an initiator for it. Some guys love morning sex, some dont - really that is just about personal preference. Dont forget, taking a dive draws a lot of energy from the body just as much for a female as it does for a male. Some people feel they need to reserve the energy they charged over night for X Y Z activity during the day.

 

All i can say, is talk to the guy. Tell him the state of the game and what you consider to be the best for both of you to reach success.

[dark angel9]

Thanks mouseno4. I guess if he wasn't attracted, he wouldn't be constantly touching me and holding me and kissing me everywhere.....and telling me how beautiful I am.....that's what I hope at least.

[Ariel85]

I still think you clock watching/timing sex is turning him off. For you to know the minutes/hours of every session and activity, it's pretty clear you're not enjoying yourself and are more concerned with...I'm not sure quite what, actually. lol But I'm sure he senses you're not in the moment and are watching the clock.

[90_hour_sleep]

Honestly, we can't know for sure. You need to communicate with him.

 

How can you be willing to let a man stick his penis into your vagina but not talk to him about your feelings?

 

i wholeheartedly agree with this question.

[dark angel9]

He is certainly not going to say that it's because he is not attracted to me even if that's the truth. So I don't see the point in talking, it will only add more pressure for him to perform and take the fun out of it.

 

And no, I am not clock watching...I approximate the times in my head AFTER the event.

[mouseno4]

He is certainly not going to say that it's because he is not attracted to me even if that's the truth. So I don't see the point in talking, it will only add more pressure for him to perform and take the fun out of it.

 

And no, I am not clock watching...I approximate the times in my head AFTER the event.

 

To tell you the truth, ive never met a girl who actually did watch the clock (no not literally!). Too 'caught up in the moment' to do something like that.

 

I am probably somewhat biased, but i enjoy being playful with someone i care about. Does not even have to be sexual for me. And yep, i could see myself making out for 1-2 hours (though never had that much time to spare!).

 

If your guy is even remotely like me, in that he likes foreplay/making out/games just as much as i do... enjoy it! Diving the sub just happens to be just one of the torpedoes in the tube for me. If you WANT it, make sure you initiate it and make it obvious what your intentions are. Just because he has machinery, does not mean you cant learn to drive it. Of course, dont destroy road blocks as that is just hazardous to your health! If you get the 'shrug off' (is that what its called?) dont make assumptions about it. Let it go and make up for it the next time to make it worthwhile for him. Having a desire for you, is nothing but good for you. I have no idea how to do that but, im sure you will think of something.

 

Oh and communication does not HAVE to be done with your mouth. Physical communication is just as good too. You can be surprised what basic physical contact can do for the old transistor radio.

 

Good luck!

[xyzzzz]

i wouldnt think he's not attracted to you..i'd think he is not good at making love llol

[FathomFear]

Thanks mouseno4. I guess if he wasn't attracted, he wouldn't be constantly touching me and holding me and kissing me everywhere.....and telling me how beautiful I am.....that's what I hope at least.

 

Erectile problems like the one you describe are almost always due to something else. As others have said, the key is communication. If you're at the point of having sex then you should be comfortable enough to talk about the sex.