Sick and Tired of Being Alone

[rawfan1989]

Hello all. Since this is my first post, I ask you, please be patient. Here it goes. As of right now I am 22 and still a virgin and longing for someone that is totally beautiful on the inside and out. With this longing comes with another overlapping thing I am going through oh by the way this is not a jealousy issue just a equality one. My younger brother on the other hand is 17 and has got an attractive girlfriend and seems nice and if he did not have that he could get any girl he wants. I am glad that he has that quality and I am not jealous but would love to have the same thing. I just want people to take notice. Someone once said, "Life is a climb, but the view is great." But as for me, "Life is a climb, but the view is poor because all I see ruins of times past where I see no light in the future." I am just sick and tired of being alone and just wish someone who will take notice. To be honest I am depressed, pissed and disgusted of my life turned out. I am sick and tired of rejection and no one taking note. For I long for that someone who that will allow me to say that they are the best thing I ever done. I need help please. Thanks

[SapphireNoir10]

Im 21 and I've had a few spectacularly failed relationships. I've learnt from them and become stronger from them. BUT I almost wish I'd stayed single, enjoyed being young, not worried etc.

 

Im waiting for the right person to come along...one of the guys I dated was 24, good looking, smart, nice, and yet I was the first girl he slept with because he'd been waiting for the right girl.

[FathomFear]

What kind of effort have you put forth to find a relationship? What kinds of things have you tried?

[Deejmonster]

Hey man, don't worry. Rome wasn't built in a day, things take time. I once thought that I couldn't attract good looking women, but i am now with the most beautiful girl that I have ever met. Take chances and relax. you are young. you will prevail.

[rawfan1989]

IN RESPONSE TO FATHOM FEAR'S QUESTIONS

 

Well the answers to both kind of overlap so I don't know how to answer one question without answering the other. So here as follows: 1. I have tried meeting new people and getting out of my quiet to myself comfort zone. This is the biggest thing. 2. I have worked on my appearance by wearing Aeropostale and dressier type clothes and experimenting with different looks other than "playing dress up." 3. I have tried to loose with my behavior without sacrificing my Christian standards. 4. When talking to others I have tried taking interests in things they find interesting. 5. I have tried counseling services to professional opinions about my situation that has been building up for the past 15 years. 6. I have become involved with the facebook culture with adding people and come to think of it never had any rejections on facebook friend requests. That is a plus I supposed. 7. Which I think beats number one by a long shot is that I treat other people the way I would like to be treated. AKA "The Golden Rule." 8. When talking to women I am always respectful and humble and not one of those A-Holes that thinks they are that which they are not. : As of right now, that is all I can think of. Thanks

[reboundstudent]

Have ya tried.... asking a girl out? As in, going up to her within the first handful of times you've met her and said directly," Hello. I think you're pretty fun and interesting. Can I take you bowling/to a movie/roller skating/laser tagging/to dinner sometime?"

[Jetta]

You seriously need to focus on educating yourself vs. finding a boyfriend. I say this because I was forced into an education when I wanted to be pursuing a boyfriend and travels but ended up married to a guy I didn't even like and later divorced. You get into bad situations when you're looking for companionship, at least I have. I think it's better to go about your life and when that special someone comes into it decide if you really want them in your life. I wanted a boyfriend because so many others around me had a boyfriend/girlfriend and I felt left out. I was mistaken and you are too.

[rawfan1989]

TWO RESPONSES

 

FIRST RESPONSE to reboundstudent: I really did not have say a specific I just said that I wanted to just simply hangout. I figured I would not ask something totally serious since I would like to take it slow.

 

SECOND RESPONSE to Jetta: I believe it is a 50/50 deal where (one) all I want is to find someone special who I can love dearly. It seems like efin time that I meet someone I truly like or take interest in it they are usually dating someone else or not even looking. (two) I have a fear of dying alone and being alone.

 

I feel like there is something missing. At times I feel depressed and sad. Plus I want to experience love while I am young and does not want to have my first child while I am in my mid-age years.

 

I know that this is wrong but I prayed that if there is no one out there for me and if I can not find that someone that will overflow the gap in my heart then I would like to die early instead of suffering til old age. Sometimes I feel so low I also know it can worse. I want to feel good and high. Not only that it seems like with every turn I make I see pain in my family, me, my friends. Things are not looking up for me what so ever.

[reboundstudent]

Here's the thing about most girls: taking it slow is fine, but you need to let them know you're interested first. If you don't, they put you in the friend zone and move along. Asking to "hang out" is not a clear sign you're interested. If you want to take it slow, ask them out, like on a date, and then TELL them," Hey, I am attracted to you, but I like to take things slow and really get to know you."

 

I'm sure there's someone out there for you, but you're never going to find her if you're passively waiting for her and don't ever try taking a chance.

[rawfan1989]

For reboundstudent I told them that as well but I thought putting it like that would be so forward and all. It seems like everything I go to do I seem to screw up.

[reboundstudent]

For reboundstudent I told them that as well but I thought putting it like that would be so forward and all. It seems like everything I go to do I seem to screw up.

 

Hush that. Dating in your early 20's is all about trial and error. How did you tell them? When did you tell them? What was your tone, your delivery? Putting it out there is only forward if you do it in an aggressive way... you must be both charming and confident without being pushy or overstepping your bounds. What does your therapist say when you discuss this with them?

[rawfan1989]

For reboundstudent: Questions 1-2 I told them via facebook, believe me it would made more sense because I am not one of those people who can keep it together under that kind of pressure in fact when I talked to her that day I almost hyperventilated to the point of passing out and I know that would be disastrous. I did however she was one of the prettiest girls ever and that she was breathtaking and I was completely honest to the core. I did not craft any lies. But in her response she stated that I was sweet and she appreciated me on the other hand she said she was not looking and the she wanted to stay focused on school. I thought that my openness like that in telling her what I truly maybe would have hit home but it did not go as planned. She said not to let it get me down. To be honest I am not getting any younger and I would like to experience love while I am young. I believe I might have messed up and this has been back in early April and we still keep in touch but no like I wanted it. The sad part is, I really want beauty of love come into my life and I know she is one beautiful person and for the past few years I don't pray for all the riches and "big time things" but a person to fill in the void. As of right now, I am saddened deeper because she has a friend die and I don't want to come strong or anything. As for my therapist he says basically says keep putting myself out there. The problem might be is that I don't know how to be young, loose and attractive. I just don't know anymore.

[lykarose]

I also feel the same way as you do. I am a girl with 3 failed relationships with the wrong guys. At the age of 26, I am single and still haven't found the right one for me.. Sad? Yes, I am. Sick and tired of being rejected, left alone. But I will never lose hope that one day, I will find the right man for me. God's gift for me..

 

Think about this:

You are younger compared to me

You're a boy (no problem if you marry at 35), I am a girl (If I marry at the age of 30, I will probably encounter difficulties on having a baby)

 

Lesson:

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY SOUL in earth who has this status. SOME HAVE WORST CASE than what you have, BUT they NEVER LOSE HOPE.

 

Cheer up and enjoy life...

 

Hope it helps

[rawfan1989]

In response for lykarose thank you for responding and I realize many that many things that you said are true. I have read other peoples posts on this forum and it saddens me to read some of the problems that people are facing. At this point of the game I thought I would be more accomplished.

[lykarose]

I am happy to know that in a way I helped you realize some things. Thank you too.

 

Someday, you will find the right one destined for you to be with for the rest of your life in the right place at the right time.

[beatlesfan77]

I couldn't agree with you more on the title of your post. That's pretty much how I feel most nights of the week and especially on the weekends. All I can do now is just concentrate on my hobbies and interests to pre-occupy my mind.

[Wildcars]

Well, me too.. After a long term relationship, given everything i had into the relatinoship, and then she goes and cheats on me, God knows how many other times.. But atleast in know..

 

And now, i'm 26 yrs old, and have no idea where to look, or what to do.. All i'm doing is travelling to conquer the boredom..

[Leftright]

I'm also in your boat, after so much dating failures over the years of my time as a single, I pretty much just spend time alone or with the few single friends I have left (Thats my current blessing..).

Instead of getting depressed over it, I'm just going to be patient. If I'm still patient by the age of 100, then what have I lost in my lifetime spent as a single unmarried man?

 

...Theres so much you can do as a single...you have no idea yet my friend. It's rather glorious.

 

-LR

[Wildcars]

The problem with me and maybe with a lot of other people, that are at the same age of the 25 to 30's... Don't have much "single" friends to hang out, most friends are married or in long term relationships..

[beatlesfan77]

Very true. Just about all of my friends are married or married with children. So as you can imagine I pretty much go out alone all of the time.It's good for so long and then you get tired of seeing other people in couples all the time.

 

 

The problem with me and maybe with a lot of other people, that are at the same age of the 25 to 30's... Don't have much "single" friends to hang out, most friends are married or in long term relationships..

[lykarose]

Very true. Just about all of my friends are married or married with children. So as you can imagine I pretty much go out alone all of the time.It's good for so long and then you get tired of seeing other people in couples all the time.

 

The problem with me and maybe with a lot of other people, that are at the same age of the 25 to 30's... Don't have much "single" friends to hang out, most friends are married or in long term relationships..

 

I also agree. Just early this year, 2 of my closest friends got married (been part of the entourages as the maid of honor and secondary sponsor), another 1 to be married by december this year and 2 more are planning by 2012. Sometimes, thinking bout the events make me feel sad.. and happy. I am very happy and proud for my friends who'd have finally decided to settle down. Excited as they are to see the life waiting for them. But for myself, sometimes I couldnt help it, but to feel sad. Aside from the fact that I still have no special someone to share my dreams with, as the number of my friends getting married increases, the possibility of being with them lessen. And this is as expected.

 

Now, I have nothing to do but to dream of my own BIG DAY.. A day when all I can feel is happiness. The beginning of the new chapter of my life.

[mandym555]

Its not too late dude its just a beginning if you didn't meet anyone so far that doesn't mean you'll be like that for the rest of your life.You can take help of to search for the love of your life.

[rawfan1989]

Thank you for all of those who resonded and help. I truly appreciate it. I am still all ears so to speak for advice.

[Stay_home]

If you really want to meet women and try to date you'll just have to get out there more and start making some more noise. I get the impression that you're kind of laid-back and shy and a lot of women want more assertive men to pursue them. I'll be honest, I can be assertive when and then I need to be. But I'm not a real hard go-getter when it comes to meeting women. I don't make that a top priority in my life to chase after tail. I'm just not that kind of guy.

[Leftright]

Very true. Just about all of my friends are married or married with children. So as you can imagine I pretty much go out alone all of the time.It's good for so long and then you get tired of seeing other people in couples all the time.

 

That's the real hump we all have to try to get over. The fact that we will run into happy couples all the time. I admit, it makes me sad also. I almost feel like the biggest loser when I go for a walk alone, a movie alone etc. The point is that you can't let it get you to the point of depression. I got a little upset today when a married friend of mine, whom I hadn't seen in months had to cancel a planned 25k bikeride for reasons unknown (I'm guessing he had family stuff). I decided to go alone anyway....even if i was quite angry and disappointed (as childish as that seems), and just rode like a bat out of hell. I pushed myself faster, and even hit some offroad patches, catching air, etc. When I got home, I was too worn out and sore to be sad. I think I had a bit of an epiphony on this ride. To push the limits a bit harder and faster in every area of my life. I've been single and down about it for too many years now, and the time has come to change it for good. Tomorrow, I'm doing 30k....ALONE!

 

-LR