How to be an adult? I need advice

[anjabars]

I am so stressed out. I am 29 and feel like I am going nowhere in life. I still live at home. I only moved out once when I was 18 almost 19 for a year and came back. When I just brought up moving out to my dad he blew up on me. He said I moved out before and couldn't make it (hello that was 9 years ago) and I should be saving money. I was never taught how to properly budget money so as soon as my check comes it's gone, I spend it on stupid crap. I'm finally going to school for the first time ever in the fall but that is only part time since I work full time. I just feel stuck in this life. My dad is telling me that some people are meant to be alone and never get married (obviously he was meaning me). I have never had a boyfriend, kissed a guy or even had sex. I have always been overweight and have body image issues. As I've gotten older it's gotten harder and harder to get with a guy. I feel pathetic and like a loser. I get these crushes on guys that are "safe" guys I know I'd never have a chance with. I have tried link removed but haven't been successful and that site is expensive. I only have one friend who is married and doesn't have any friends either so it's hard to find guys through her. I never go to bars or really do anything to meet guys or people. I've even thought about getting a part time job just to meet more people but I know I'd be exhausted working 2 jobs. idk. I think I just feel that moving out would help me grow up. Help me meet more people and learn how to be an adult.

 

I was thinking about moving out with this girl I used to work with. It is close to my work and she is very social so I think she'd bring me out of my shell. Of course since my dad talks negative about moving out I am second guessing it. Obviously I would be living pay check to pay check but that's life! I just don't know what to do? I want to get married one day and have a family. I am almost 30 and have no life experience. I am so envious of people my age that have their sh** together. What steps can I take? I could really use some great advice please!

[piggy_oink]

You should SO move in with your friend. I used to be shy until I moved in with a friend at work who was a party animal - we had an amazing time, going out all the time, meeting guys etc AND i made a load of new friends through her....I don't live with her anymore but I am so confident now - she really changed me for the better and it is the best thing I ever did!! x

[lady6sky]

Hey, first I congradulate you for making an evaluation and diagnosing your problem. next step is to see what has to be done in order to change that. I am going to tell you. i had all your problems,plus 2 kids,broke and overweight . I was depressed and have no family in the contry. basically no friends, family,money and stuck with my 2 chidlren. I posted an ad in Craigs list, which means, only the ones that found something on me would reply. So I dug through all the mud, found someone super nice, fell in love, lost almost 50 lbs and am happy and active.

Dont lose the hope. Love is there for all and you will be ok.

Things will change as long as you desire it!

[catfeeder]

If you're working full time, what is preventing you from saving up enough money to move out comfortably?

[FathomFear]

I was never taught how to properly budget money so as soon as my check comes it's gone, I spend it on stupid crap.

 

I get the general vibe that you would benefit from taking personal responsibility for your own life and "taking the reins", so to speak. It's not an acceptable to say to yourself "Ho hum, no one taught me how to budget so I'm going to blow my paycheck every week". This really isn't an excuse in this day and age. You have access to the internet. Google self-help guides and learn to have discipline over your finances. The ball is completely in your court. If you're 29 and have been living at home for almost all of your life and had no major debts to pay off, you thereoretically should have a ton of money saved up by now.

[catfeeder]

I get the general vibe that you would benefit from taking personal responsibility for your own life and "taking the reins", so to speak. It's not an acceptable to say to yourself "Ho hum, no one taught me how to budget so I'm going to blow my paycheck every week". This really isn't an excuse in this day and age. You have access to the internet. Google self-help guides and learn to have discipline over your finances. The ball is completely in your court. If you're 29 and have been living at home for almost all of your life and had no major debts to pay off, you thereoretically should have a ton of money saved up by now.

 

Yep, some things are self taught. Just because a skill isn't spoon-fed, that doesn't mean it's not learnable. It's a decision.

[ur02111222]

Move in with your friend. It seems like a better idea than being with your parents.

 

And make a budget. It might be a little frustrating at first, but it's actually really easy. First, print off copies of your monthly statements for the past three months or so. Then make an Excel file and create a bunch of categories: Food (Grocery, Restaurant, Fast Food, Junk, Alcohol, etc.), Essentials (Gas, Rent, Utility, Etc.), Medical (Visits, prescriptions, other), Personal (clothes, body care, etc.), Entertainment (movies, books, clubs, etc.) and whatever else you find you spend money on. Then put the past three months into the budget and see where you are blowing your money. Maybe you find out you spend way to much on fast food. Then you try to cut it down. This is how I do mine. Now I'm at a point where I set monthly goals at the beginning of the month.

 

So do this ^ obviously, but also, do what you know you need to do. You say that you think moving out will be a good idea, then MOVE OUT! You don't like your body? Join Weight Watchers or something (it works quite well by the way).

 

Don't listen to your dad. He sounds like a jerk. Get out of that house.

[ur02111222]

Also, don't count on that girl to bring you out of your shell. You can't expect someone else to do all the work for you. You're the person who needs to make the effort, you know?

 

Don't blame your bad budgeting on not being taught. Accept the blame yourself. You're 29 and don't budget. It's not because you can't budget. It's because you choose not to budget.

[twentiesgirl86]

I get the general vibe that you would benefit from taking personal responsibility for your own life and "taking the reins", so to speak. It's not an acceptable to say to yourself "Ho hum, no one taught me how to budget so I'm going to blow my paycheck every week". This really isn't an excuse in this day and age. You have access to the internet. Google self-help guides and learn to have discipline over your finances. The ball is completely in your court. If you're 29 and have been living at home for almost all of your life and had no major debts to pay off, you thereoretically should have a ton of money saved up by now.

 

I have to agree with this. No one taught me anything about budgeting either and I moved out on my own when I was twenty, and learned how to do it on my own.

 

But it probably would be easier to have a room mate at first for you, that way you can save a bit of money. I moved in with a room mate last year and then moved out this year and found I saved a lot of money so I can get myself a car this summer. No one can really teach you how to be an adult though, it's just something you learn as you go.

 

But I understand what you mean about the self-esteem issues. I have them too, and the friend I lived with is out-going so I hoped when we went to social gathering that it would help bring me out of my shell. It really didn't, because the self-esteem issues didn't go away. THey are something I have to work on my own, just like your own is something you have to work on. I am not overweight, but I don't feel that I am pretty. I am going to be 25 this year and I haven't had sex and I've only had one relationship... which I would call more of fling then anything. So I need to get past my looks so I can meet a guy, but I have a hard time with it.

 

Once you move out though, you'll love it. I can't imagine living with my mother again. I love being on my own. And I used to be the biggest baby, used to be too scared to be on my own. When I was teen, when I thought about paying bills, it would keep me up at night. And I am now doing it. You'll find that as soon as you start doing it, it's not hard at all. You just have to watch what you spend. Bills and necessities come first, others afterwards. Plus you should put a little away for savings.

[He2Him]

Problem is your mentality. You rely too much on what you think 'you should have been taught by your environment. Maybe you even consider people who got taught in certain subjects ''lucky''. First off, you gotta change your perspective on life. ''Nobody gets your sht together for you, you do it yourself.''

[Openwindow]

I think it's great that you are evaluating where you are right now in order to make a change. I definitely think moving in with your friend is the best next step. She will not be able to bring you out of your shell, but learning to live with another person (besides your immediate family), and being exposed to her friends will definitely help you learn some more social skills to make you more confident. Sometimes just getting out there and learning on your feet is the best thing to boost your confidence. You will learn to budget and pay bills etc as you go along- it is all a learning process. For now I agree with the previous poster to start tracking your expenses and see where your money goes. You should then be able to see where you can cut expenses- keep an eye on where you might be spending money to fill a hole in your life because you are unhappy, and keep this goal of being out on your own and living your life as something to look forward to and strive for. It can be a very scary thing to strike out on your own, but you will be amazed at what you can do if you try!