Advice - Introvert, depression etc.

[Confusednlove]

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm having a really hard time with my life lately and I really have no one to talk to and no courage to talk to anyone so I thought I would post here.

 

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years because I've been really depressed and for some reason I thought this kind of change would help. I loved her a lot and I know she loved me too, but for some reason I always get this way in relationships I think there is something wrong and it makes me want to leave.. and then I'm ten times as depressed after leaving.. especially when I see them with another person.

 

I've always been a lonely person, I grew up on a farm with nobody else around and turned into a painfully shy person. I went through high school as a loser and even though I was lucky enough to have a couple friends they were never real friends. Outside school they never spoke to me or invited me out. I had one friend in a group who always invited me out but I could tell the others never really wanted me there.

 

I've always been depressed and have zero confidence in myself. I dropped out of high school in grade 11 and worked as a security guard for a year. Eventually I got so depressed I finally worked up the courage to finish the courses I was missing through independent study. I finished my high school courses and went to college.

 

I never found something I was passionate about, but I found something that stimulated me and I could at least enjoy a little. I made a couple friends while I was there and I met my now ex girlfriend. The friends didn't stick after I graduated, we never kept in touch. My girlfriend and I spent all our time together.

 

After college I got it into my head that college wasn't an accomplishment and I had to get a degree or I would end up a loser. I got into a second rate university and got some transfer credits for my college work. My girlfriend and I moved in together for the two years it took me to finish university.

 

Since I had done college and university both entirely on student loans and my part time job (my parents are very poor) I had a large amount of debt on graduating (40k.) I decided to move back in with my parents for a while in order to pay my loans off more quickly. I was also having doubts about my girlfriend at this time and was thinking about breaking up with her.

 

I got a decent job after university as an accountant at a not for profit organization. I had a well paying job with great benefits when most people were struggling in a bad economy, I had fought my way back from being a loser who dropped out of high school to a university graduate. I had a girl who loved me, which is what I've always wanted. I still wasn't happy and felt like a failure because I saw people with better jobs, better grades, no debt, rich parents, happy relationships... I just couldn't be happy and I have no idea why or what I'm looking for.

 

Now I have no friends, I have no girlfriend and I spend most of my weekends drinking alone and crying about I don't know what. I've been on and off anti-depressants a few times, though I've never spoken to anyone about being depressed my doctor prescribed them hoping they would help my sleeping problems.

 

I bought an exercise bike and have been doing 13 miles or so each day (30 minutes) because I read online that exercise could help depression. It has been about three months and I feel worse than ever. I'm still in bad shape physically and emotionally and I don't know where to go from here.

 

I've been pretty inactive since high school as I have been told by my doctor I have arthritis worse than most 70 year olds. I also have sleep apnea which I've been receiving treatment for for the past couple years.

 

I'm trying my best to feel better. My student loans are down to 20k. I don't know why I can't be happy but I still feel like such a failure. I don't know how to meet people because I'm not into sports, I'm not into bars or clubs all those people make me uncomfortable. I tried online dating for a while but even these people don't want anything to do with me.

 

Can anyone offer me any advice? I just want to be happy. When I think about it I realize my life isn't that bad, I've done a decent amount and I should be proud of it but I just can't be. I just want to be a normal person, have some friends to hang out with, meet a girl and have a family.

[bulletproof]

Have you considered quitting drinking for starters? It's a depressant, and even just a little could be having an effect on your mood. Also, have you thought about getting your doctor to try a different anti-depressant? They don't all work the same for everyone. Different people react to different pills.

 

When you say you've been pretty inactive since high school, do you mean that you are overweight? The biking is a good start but it may take longer than three months to see results, especially if you haven't made a change to your diet.

 

Either way, it sounds like no matter what you've achieved, you will never cut yourself a break because you're always looking at what everyone else has. This is a tough mindset to break but it can be done. Perhaps you can look for some reading about being more in the present and Buddhism. This might help.

[LAYAAN]

Hello confusednlove,

I have battled with depression for several years in grad school. I understand how you feel, but you have to pull yourself out of this phase. You can.

The good thing is that you finished college. I consider that an accomplishment.

Another accomplishment is that you have paid 50% of your student loans! good job! just another 50% to go. You can do it.

Don't worry too much about GF. Relationships happen n break. Thats just the nature of the game. If you are not happy with someone and don't want to continue, you should just let that go. Life is already challenging. Why bother to add pressures?

Another good thing is that you are exercising. It helps with depression, improves your appearance and health. So, please keep it up!

As far as friends, I can tell you today that I've been unlucky in friends department all my life. I have had acquaintances, but they never cared deeply for me. I bent over backwards to accommodate them in my life, go the extra mile to show that I cared for them, but they didn't. When I noticed a trend, I simply let 'em go and they did, because there wasn't any glue holding them back. Don't expect too much from people. Don't burn your money and time trying to win them over. Sometimes, its not worth it.

But definitely, get out of your house. Start participating in different activities. If you dont know what would interest you, start somewhere, with what sounds interesting, if you dont' like it, chuck it, try something else. You will find that passion. Absolutely. No doubt about it!

You are not alone in this. I have been there. When my 3 year rocky relationship ended, I was in grad school. I went through massive depression, but that teaches you that you have only yourself to fall back on. Only yourself to count on. I also was very shy, just like you. I still am, but slowly I started to open up as I started meeting people that were patient and kind with me. There are such people out there. When I came to this country, I didn't even know how to stand up for myself. But I have come a long way from that point. Its all doable. Dont let depression get best of you. Also, please understand that anti-depressants work best when you take them as prescribed by the doctor. Don't be on n off on them. They may not work as well. There is nothing wrong in taking that kinda pill. We all need help to cope up. Alcohol makes depression worse. So, try not to drink. Life is worth living, worth enjoying, worth striving for. Hang in there!