How is this even possible??

[jjet80]

I'm trying to get a better understanding of how someone can tell you they love you for 3 years and then breakup with you in such a cold manner.

 

How can you look in someone's eyes and say you want to be with them forever and then not even hug you or tell you they love you when they're breaking up with you? It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

How can you tell someone you want to marry them the week before and then say you don't want to speak to them or seem them ever again a week later?

 

How is this even possible??

 

Read my story man..it sounds like we have a sim situation. I know exactly how you feel.

[Ms Darcy]

It's my sense (and this might be a stereotype) that women are more action oriented and less verbally direct. My fiancee seemed to think I should have seen it coming even though it totally took me by surprise and verbally she was still telling me she loved me.

 

Women are more action oriented? I actually laughed at this.

[GrowingIn]

You may not like to hear this or you might, but it really depends on the people involved in the relationship.

 

There IS, believe it or not, a PERFECTLY good explanation of how someone can do that. And why they do it. Sometimes they do it because they are mature enough, and know you well enough and care enough to not give you hope. They do it to make it easier on you and not string you along. If they feel like if they do the whole hugging thing and are compassionate you will take it as hope to chase them and get them back, they will chose to act very cold and hurtful and be very frank.

 

So it does feel like they do not care, and sometimes this is the case. But other times, a dumper will do that, which is VERY, VERY hard for them to do, because they know it is the most sensible thing to do for you. I know it's weird. But it's like they are hurting you deeply once and at one time versus dragging you along in misery for a long period of time.

[corgidude]

Do you ever REALLY get over a LTR? Especially when you were really in love with the person?

 

As hard as it is to believe in your present state of mind, yes they do. I'm struggling with this concept myself, but if we never got over LTR's, there would be a lot more single people on this planet. My own dad was engaged, and while he was working away in Alaska one summer, she sent him a 'Dear John' letter and broke it off. Years later, he came home to find his girlfriend at the time waiting for him, who told him it was over, then left. He said it took him over 5 months to get back to where he felt like himself again.

 

So how do I know if people really get over an LTR? Well, he met my mom, and my sister and I are both proof that there was enough love between him and my mom to have a family and remain married for over 30 years. (they're still together to this day) He's told me on more than one occasion that while he loved the first two, neither could hold a candle to my mom.

 

It's hard, it hurts, and is as bitter as dragon tears. I'm still struggling to accept that my life will no longer have her at my side. I'm doing better than I was, but I still love my ex deeply. All I can do is try and remember that in time, this will fade. -Unfortunately, some days just aren't as easy as others.

[joswsieg]

The worst part about it is that she was my first love. We had so many future plans with each other. We even talked about getting married after college.

 

I think that is a big reason why it's so hard for me to accept her cold demeanor when she broke it off. I thought we had REAL love. The kind of love that could last through anything. Next thing you know she never wants to see me again.

[endy]

From what was described about the relationship, examine what you think real love is. I'm not saying you don't know, I'm just telling you what it is to me. It's an act, and when there is fighting and anger out of spite in a relationship it's poison. I advise reconciliation when I see it's possible or a good idea. It's really never a good idea right away IMO. If over time two people can move past everything that happened like 6 months to years later and they CHANGED that's fine.

 

You need to just look at the fact that when she did say she loved you, that's what she probably thought she really felt at the time. The reality is she cheated, she can do it again. I've talked about getting married with pretty much anyone I've ever been in a relationship with. The first love is always the hardest, and the reasons you did get above are valid reasons dumpers do that. They care about you enough to not string you a long anymore. I remember my first love. I never thought I would love a girl like that again in my life. I never really did to this last one. I've ran into the first ex, and my heart still jumps when I see her. I put myself through hell chasing her. Please don't do that, especially with someone that cheated. Look at the reality of things. Could you ever trust her again? Also was she really THAT great. Start thinking about the bad things she did, and how she treated you. How she talked to you sometimes.

 

Reasons and answers usually come in time. It's probably going to take you a decent amount of time to completely move on. With all the hell I put myself through with my first love it took me like a year and a half. Check out that guide in my signature too. It will help a bit. To answer the original post, a lot of people are cowards, a lot of people lie, and a lot of people are very selfish. Some people just can't stand hurting other people. It could be all of those reasons.

 

What you need to notice is the reason doesn't matter. She made the decision, she cheated, and it's just better to find someone else you can really trust. Trust is vital to any good relationship. Keep your head up and stay NC. You'll love again.