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How is this even possible??


joswsieg

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I'm trying to get a better understanding of how someone can tell you they love you for 3 years and then breakup with you in such a cold manner.

 

How can you look in someone's eyes and say you want to be with them forever and then not even hug you or tell you they love you when they're breaking up with you? It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

How can you tell someone you want to marry them the week before and then say you don't want to speak to them or seem them ever again a week later?

 

How is this even possible??

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possssibly the person in question will come back around but It's also very possible that the person's promises of love were out of a sense of denial or guilt that their feelings were going away. If it was a 3 year relationship this sounds like the case. Around 2 years the biological chemical love starts to change and some people lose feelings. My fiancee made me something saying she'd love me until the day she died, about 2 months before she broke up with me

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You probably don't care about this right now and maybe already know this but the quote in your sig from George Harrison is actually derivative from "this too shall pass", which supposedly originated in the writings of the medieval Persian Sufi poets, so it's ancient wisdom

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Forget it, trying to analyze that would be like trying to find a pin in the ocean, never mind a haystack...

 

It will consume you, it did me, it does still to this day... Some how You have to try and forget it...

 

I just hope and pray there is true justice in Love... Some sort of karma... So those who makes us feel so, feel the same at least once..... But not just feel it, but know that they made some one else at one point feel the same... And that its just karma coming back to get them....

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this is the same boat i was in. my ex told me she loves me and that i was the best thing to happen to her. the day before she broke up. and when we broke up i would tell her that i love her. she wouldnt say it back but when i asked her to tell me she didnt she just told me that she couldnt lie to me. it hurts bad i know. if u need a friend pm me

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I just hope and pray there is true justice in Love... Some sort of karma... So those who makes us feel so, feel the same at least once..... But not just feel it, but know that they made some one else at one point feel the same... And that its just karma coming back to get them....

 

I really hope so too.

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possssibly the person in question will come back around but It's also very possible that the person's promises of love were out of a sense of denial or guilt that their feelings were going away. If it was a 3 year relationship this sounds like the case. Around 2 years the biological chemical love starts to change and some people lose feelings. My fiancee made me something saying she'd love me until the day she died, about 2 months before she broke up with me

 

I personally don't think that I could ever look someone in the eye and say things like that if I REALLY didn't mean them- especially out of guilt. People just expect the 'magical love feeling' to last forever and it doesn't. So they throw us away and move on to the next one.

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Worrying about justice is just a distraction from what you could be doing to heal, improve your life, and understand things better so you can act more prudently in the future. Obviously anyone would want to go things to go well for themselves so it's best to be proactive about it rather than passively counting on the universe to handle it for you

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I personally don't think that I could ever look someone in the eye and say things like that if I REALLY didn't mean them- especially out of guilt. People just expect the 'magical love feeling' to last forever and it doesn't. So they throw us away and move on to the next one.

 

It's my sense (and this might be a stereotype) that women are more action oriented and less verbally direct. My fiancee seemed to think I should have seen it coming even though it totally took me by surprise and verbally she was still telling me she loved me.

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I think sometimes is that the ex was trying to convince themselves that they did love because they had doubts and finally realised that it wasn't true and they didn't in fact love their partner after all.

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I think sometimes is that the ex was trying to convince themselves that they did love because they had doubts and finally realised that it wasn't true and they didn't in fact love their partner after all.

 

That's a great theory for sure. Although, her words of love always seemed to be backed by actions. She always wanted to kiss/hug/sleep with me/spend time with me and so on. Those words were always backed with intimate expressions of love. It's like suddenly a switch went off in her head and that was it- the love just vanished.

 

Maybe she's just trying to convince herself that she doesn't love me so she can move on easier. Or she could just be saying she doesn't love me anymore just so I will leave her alone. IMO it's possible to love someone but still want nothing to do with them.

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You probably don't care about this right now and maybe already know this but the quote in your sig from George Harrison is actually derivative from "this too shall pass", which supposedly originated in the writings of the medieval Persian Sufi poets, so it's ancient wisdom

 

That is very interesting. I will have to look into that more.

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That's a great theory for sure. Although, her words of love always seemed to be backed by actions. She always wanted to kiss/hug/sleep with me/spend time with me and so on. Those words were always backed with intimate expressions of love. It's like suddenly a switch went off in her head and that was it- the love just vanished.

 

Maybe she's just trying to convince herself that she doesn't love me so she can move on easier. Or she could just be saying she doesn't love me anymore just so I will leave her alone. IMO it's possible to love someone but still want nothing to do with them.

 

like i said erlier i was in the same boat. my ex would be clingy i would tell her to spend time with her mom because all she would do is spend time with me 24/7. then her mom blamed me for not letting her spend time with daughter which is like wth

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I think you may not have had the same perception of the quality of the relationship as she did:

-She cheated four months in

-You struggled to trust her (understandably)

-You snapped at her a lot (my number 2 pet peeve ... I HATE that in partners)

-Lots of fights (huge sign of incompatibility)

-She told you she is not attracted to you and doesn't see a future with you

-In another post you mentioned that you had been depressed for a semester

 

Sounds like a pretty bad situation. I think DN might have been spot on in this case.

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I think you may not have had the same perception of the quality of the relationship as she did:

-She cheated four months in

-You struggled to trust her (understandably)

-You snapped at her a lot (my number 2 pet peeve ... I HATE that in partners)

-Lots of fights (huge sign of incompatibility)

-She told you she is not attracted to you and doesn't see a future with you

-In another post you mentioned that you had been depressed for a semester

 

Sounds like a pretty bad situation. I think DN might have been spot on in this case.

 

So are you saying that it's really not even worth it for me to pursue a reconciliation with her?

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I wondered this with my ex too, she moved in 1 month earlier and we had just come back for ma romantic couples vacation. During that vacation she told me that she loved me, can't wait to start a life together and that I was the best thing about the vacation. Then 2 days later she made out with an old flame and dumped me. I don't get how someone can be either that fake or change their mind that quick. It really scares me because i thought she was the one and an honest girl at that. Then she cheats on me and breaks up without trying to work things out. and the kicker is the kid she cheated on me with she now hates and is ignoring all his phones calls. Amazing how you think you really know someone.

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Same Same!!

5 days before "I love you so much, I cant wait to meet our future children" "ahhhhh I just wanna grow old with you and be together forever"

Then....... "I dont think we're in love as much as we used to be'

This girl never cheated, never told me ONE lie!

Until then.

 

People believe what they're saying, even if its not true sometimes.

That's how they can say these things.

The mind is a very confusing thing joswsieg.

 

Best to move on as she is not to be trusted anymore.

It's not her fault either.

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a reconciliation is never worth pursuing if two people are not wanting it.

 

I agree with that completely. But in my mind, she isn't wanting a reconciliation at this moment. For all I know she's wanting to call me but is too prideful/afraid to do so. Even though we fought a bit more than usual and had some issues, we still really loved and cared for each other (at least I thought so) but she was just tired of the drama.

It could just be my denial/delusion kicking in at this point trying to convince me that she will change her mind or that she didn't really mean what she said when we broke up.

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Would you really want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you? I cried and begged when my long term bf (4 yrs) broke up with me and so in the next breath, he said he had changed his mind (obviously to stop me crying coz he couldnt handle it!) but his heart was never truly in it since then and inevitably he broke up with me again a few weeks later (via text!).

 

During those few short weeks it was not fun for me at all - he was never really 'there' - he obviously didnt want to be with me and so I just treated him like a king to try and make him really want me again - but to no avail.

 

This is true with all relationships - once someone has made up their mind - there is really no point in trying to change it back.

 

Remember - the first stage of grief is denial.

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