3 Years relationship break up. how to cope?

[JasonUK]

Hi , thanks for taking interest in the threat.

 

I am going through such an hard time coping with my breakup after 3 years. ill tell you the story:

 

Basically i am 19 years old just turning 20 this month. My girlfriend (ex) is 18, we have been together since september 2008. She moved in with me in 2009 and we was working so great and was in love with each other. in 2010 we drifted apart and i got sick of the same things with her, me coming home from work i was just getting angry all the time, she didnt seem much interested, anyway we spoke about this and she moved back to her own home with her parents at the end of 2010 around christmas time.

 

When doing this, all was OK, i was seeing her late on the nights, only staying with each other a few nights a week. We slowly got back into the routine of staying with each other every night.

 

This got to much once again, in the mean time she was saying how much in love she is with me. She said she wanted a break to clear her head to see what she wants, so i let her do this. this was end of Feb some time. She moved in with her sister in a complete different area for a week, while she was there i called once in a while asking if shes ok and if everythings ok, general conversation no anger involved. She started saying i cant do this no more i dont want to be with you.

 

I obviously got upset and abit obessive over her when she said this, towards the end of the week i called her and said, im done trying, if you dont want me theres nothing i can do, im in love with you but ill have to accept you dont want me. She said OK in a crying way and put phone down. Later that day she told me shes back at her home, i told her i will take all her stuff that belonged to her, back to her as she lived with me. Upon seeing her she was crying, i said if you want me you need to decide and not lead me on. she said OK.

 

Next day when i was at work she texted me saying she will take me back and try harder. which she did. a month down the line in march she fall completely in love and so did i, we was fine and got on great. April was fine, then May came. The worst month of the whole relationship.

 

She started telling me shes loosing feelings towards me, doesnt want to see me as much but never gave me a full reason. I had to accept this but said to her please let me try, ill try make it work. She said ok and we did this for 2 weeks, finally she said in the middle of may, im giving it one week and if i dont feel nothing we cant be together no more.

 

I accepted this, i tried my hardest, i took her places like cinemas and meals, not texting much either. she didnt show me much interest but always willing to talk to me and go out if i ask her. Always wanted to hold my hand and kiss me.

 

I went on holiday on the last weekend of May, some other girl approached me and we had a drink in a local pub. we was talking but not in a flirting way. Her family left her to go back to the caravan while she wanted to stay with me and talk as i showed some interest. I asked me to walk her back as it was dark, as im caring and felt bad i said ok.

 

I took her back and she kissed me and said bye, i knew id never see her again and straight away i felt guilty.. I went back to my girlfriend after the weekend and told her what happened, at first she couldnt believe it and was crying, then she accepted and said it was her fault i did it as she was telling me she lost feelings. i said to her thanks for understanding, she told me to leave her for a day or so to clear her head so i did.

 

After 2 days i saw her, she said "ive got over you i want you to move on with your life and be happy, i want to sort my life out, find a job and meet new people, please be happy, dont forget about me lets be best friends, we can still go out to places, not stay with each other but spend a bit of time still and text if you want to, but i cant be with you no more i dont love you in that way, ive lost all my feelings"

 

this happened yesterday. ive had a day to think and i cant seem to get my head round whats happened. im so in love with this girl and i can clearly see a future with her.

 

I recently texted her saying i never wanna loose contact and wish we could be together, she replied we will always have contact your to special to me"

 

i need serious help on how to get rid of these feelings for her, im getting hurt so much.

I go out with friends, but shes always at the back of my mind, and i still wounder if shes ok. and need to text her. i sit here crying out loud, after crying i feel a bit better but then start again. i go out and drive to another area but still the same.

 

please i need some advice, im sorry if this is long but my head is a complete mess.

 

One last thing, ive saw her today and all she says to me is, "please find someone else and treat her good as you did me, but please never forget about me"

[Luigi68]

Your situation has many similarities to my own. read some of my threads as there are some good responses from people. I am in a similar position and understand the feelings only too well. Time seems to be the only healer, but time will have to tell!

[IStandoutI]

I feel your pain, I was in a 3 year relationship as well, to be honest with you there's nothing that can fix a broken heart but time. She will stay in the back of your mind for as long as she's in your life. Your heart is telling you to stay in touch but the only way your going to stop hurting is if you separate yourself from her. As much as it may hurt at first, it will help in the long run. Once you feel your over her it's up to you if you can talk to her again as friends, sometimes it's best to not be friends after being in deep mad love. This is a lot easier said then done but I know your strong enough to do it, it was hard for me to but I moved on and now I have someone else, I really hope this helped you!

[onemoretime]

"always have contact" recipe for misery. Move on, don't talk to her. The feelings you have for her are the problem, not the solution. If she was right for you she wouldn't have lost feelings for you. You can work on your relationship skills and try to make things work out better the next time with someone else, but things are done with this girl...

[delboi]

sometimes mate the heart wants what it cant have.

By the sounds of things, you tried hard, you've been through a lot, together, but it didnt work out... if its not meant to be dont force it, you shouldnt have to.

Its hard to kick the habbitual lifestyle you had with your ex but sometimes theres nothing you can do, but do it. Just accept things for now, who knows what will happen in the future.

 

That being said dont hold on to false hope, i did, and it prolonged the healing process, although i got a reconcilation attempt but decided it wasnt going to work so i bailed.

moral of the story, MOST of the time, after the relationship is over... its really over. If your not on a breather, then leave this chick behind you.

 

Sounds like you ending on good terms, which makes it even harder man but you will be fine... it will be an emotional rollercoaster for you, up and down for a while but you'll make it just give it time and embrace the feelings your going through

hope some of that advice is useful, we've all been through it, its a great experience isnt it

[hausser]

Am in exaxt same boat time wise.

[JasonUK]

Many thanks for all your replies..

 

Greatly appreicated.

 

A few things happened last night which id like to discuss when i have time to think properly and clear my head

 

Ill keep you updated soon

 

Thanks again