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Must things always end before they begin?


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I'm a 25 year old virgin who's never even kissed a girl, and I've never been on a second date. My history is nothing but relationships that ended before they even began. The last time I posted was last July after I found out the girl I met speed dating was a lesbian. I took a long break after that and then just recently decided try again and signed up for a link removed account.


This past Monday, a girl winked at me on match, and a couple emails later we scheduled a date. The date went well, or so I thought. We talked and exchanged laughs for 2 1/2 hours at a restaurant. I got her number and a hug at the end, and we left things like we were going to go out again this weekend. We had a lot in common and I was looking forward to seeing where it could go. I was confident enough that I went and told my friends and family about her yesterday.


After contacting her last night to finalize the second date and not getting a response, I wake up this morning to a text saying she had a great time, but wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I don't know what happened. She came accross a bit shy, much like myself, which had made me more comfortable with her than I usually am around women. Perhaps too comfortable. My gut tells me I was moving too fast for her, but for all I know she just didn't want to hurt my feelings with the real reason.


I tried texting back that I was willing to take things slower and just wanted to date casually and have some fun, but given that she hasn't replied yet, I don't think it will do any good. I just don't understand why I can't seem to get over this hurdle. I know I can just try again with someone else, although part of me doesn't want to give up on this girl. What should I do?

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Too intense perhaps, calm it down, take it sloooow at first... She may have liked you and after a few days if you had not contact her she may have got back to you...


I would say leave her for a while, see if shes interested in a week or so, if not forget her! In the mean time, go find another girl and go on another date... But this time take it slooow..

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You're doing something wrong if you're attracting a lot of attention and losing it just as fast. I'd google a bunch of stuff on dating and attracting women. Even if there's no perfect set of rules you can probably learn enough to get past the early stages and then you'll have more experience that will pay off in knowledge and confidence.


I think as a general rule of thumb (for people who are inexperienced and shy) you shouldn't act overly eager, and just come off as relaxed and confident. Humor is good. Let her call you after or wait at least a few days so you don't seem too clingy. (This is all stuff you can find better described on the internet I'm just summarizing)

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  • 3 weeks later...

So here's an update. I moved on and met another girl on link removed, and we went out earlier today. I discovered upon meeting her that she had put on a good deal of weight since her profile picture was taken and I wasn't attracted to her at all. She had a good personality and we still had a decent time, but I can't see it going anywhere. So for the first time I feel like being the one to end things before they begin. It's kind of strange, but also a nice change from I'm used to. That said, I'm still not going to get that elusive second date.


Meanwhile, I managed to get the first girl to accept a Facebook friend request, and she viewed my link removed profile today. The date I had today made me realize even more what I liked about her, so I'm debating about giving it another shot. If it really was that I was moving too fast, should I just try to reach out to do something more casual as friends and see if it can grow from there? She's obviously shy, so I don't want to make the same mistake again and push too hard, but I also don't want to let a possible opportunity slip away. Seeing as it's been 3 weeks since we last made contact, I feel like I'm given her enough time and space to not feel like I'm desperate for her. How should I proceed?

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