Boyfriend has no money.

[ashley001]

My boyfriend literally has zero money. Because of this, he never asks if I want to hang out. I don't mind doing things that are free--like staying in and watching movies, cooking together, etc. But it's been 4 months! You can only stay in for so long--Going out to dinner would be nice every once in a while. The problem is I have a great job and I have the money to spend, I just feel like it'd be wrong to pay for everything all the time though--like going out to dinner with him because I want to, but I'll end up paying for it. What to do?

 

He likes to play online games, so that's free. This morning i asked him what he was up to this weekend to see if we could maybe do something and he says, "nothing at all, but i'm broke. miss you though" ???

[ferna3069]

well if he doesnt have a job right now he needs to get a job. and about paying for everything all the time i been there. just invite him out every ones in a while. go out for a walk have fun you know it doesnt have to cost a thing. u can go out to the mall and walk around buy cheap things.

[DN]

Why does he have no money?

[quirky]

My bf is pretty broke too and I would love to go out on a date, a dinner, maybe a little dance. Mine has accumulated some debt and has bad money management. We do stay in together though and cook and watch films. What do you guys do?

[prettynthecity]

Does he live on his own? If so, how does he pay his rent? If he lives with his parents, why aren't they pressuring him to get a job?

 

If he won't get a job because he is simply lazy, that would be a deal breaker for me.

[CatsMeeoow]

Yes I think we are all curious to know if this is a temporary situation with no money or if he just lacks the drive to change his circumstances. This is tough economy and many have been without work for some time, however there are quite a few people happy not be working so long as they find other ways to get by.

 

You need to look at the reasons why your bf hasn't any money.

[lavenderdove]

This sounds like more than being broke... what is he doing to get money to support himself? the economy is hard, but he can always do some kind of job or spend the effort required to find a job.

 

If he is actively and aggressively seeking a job then his having no money is understandable and you should be patient, but if he is just hanging around playing video games all the time, then you have a larger problem that he is lazy and doesn't want to be a responsible adult and is willing to let others take on his adult responsibilities and to pay for him to sit around acting like a teenager all day playing video games.

[Cmaj7th]

How old is he? If he is actively looking for work then disregard the rest of this post. But he sounds kind of useless to me, he hasn't worked in 4 months? that's insane! mcdonalds is always hiring, while I would never work there my point is not working for 4 months almost sounds like a choice to me. I'm not even 21 yet and I work full time while going to college full time, there's no excuse for a grown man to not have a job IMO.

 

you have to ask yourself is this the kind of man you want to get emotionally invested in. I do not like that alot of women look at men with dollar signs in their eyes, but a man is supposed to work and be a provider. and know I do not think you should pay for everything all of the time. any man with pride wouldn't allow you to do this either.

[HeartGoesOn]

How is he paying for his internet, in order to be playing online games?

[21YD]

maybe hes depressed... and thats his way of expressing it by isolating himself???

i may be wrong.

does he still spend time with his friends?

if hes spending time with his friends and not you .. thats suspicious ..

[metrogirl]

But if he had money and paid for everything all the time, would it be equally wrong?

 

I just feel like it'd be wrong to pay for everything all the time though--like going out to dinner with him because I want to, but I'll end up paying for it. What to do?

 

I guess I am trying to understand, are you currently paying for all the dates and you are tired of it or you don't want to pay for any dates?

[BriarRose]

It would matter to me the reason why. For example, if he was just lazy and not looking for work or if he was working full-time but strapped with bills, child support, etc - that I would be more understanding of. I dated a guy once who was always broke. But he worked full-time and worked hard. But he had a nasty divorce and paid a lot in alimony (plus child support).

[ashley001]

MORE INFORMATION:

 

He's 21 and he just isn't looking for a job just because he's lazy. He always says, "I should look for a job...I need a job, etc" but nothing happens. He lives at home with his parents, so his parents pay for the internet.

 

I pay for dates--mostly dinners, but I'm tired of it. I'm 20, work full time, go to college full time--I work my butt off, he can do the same!

 

I would like to go out with him but since he says he has no money he never wants to hang out. He does hang out with his friends more than he does me. He plays online games with them and goes to bars with them (apparently he knows people and his friends hook him up with free drinks).

[Stay_home]

He sounds like he doesn't have a lot if any ambition. There's still time for him to come around in his life, he's young, but he needs to get started and stop jiving around. If I were you I wouldn't expect too much out of this situation, meaning that the relationship probably won't grow beyond the state that it's in now.

[HeartGoesOn]

As long as he's getting free handouts, and others are paying his way, he's not going to get a job anytime soon. It's up to you to either call the shots, or tell him this is not working for you. It sounds like he's comfortable just the way things are, and it's not your job to raise him.

 

I'm assuming that he doesn't have a car either?

[DN]

He's taking financial advantage of you and others. Don't let him do that to you.

[ashley001]

He has a car. So he does drive us around.

[mouseno4]

Girls cost money. No not to purchase. That would be immoral. To actually treat kindly. I play online games too. If he has you, but still plays his games... wow what a douche. He has his priorities upside down.

 

I am not advocating him stop playing his games, no. But if he wants to keep something as valuable as you (yes everyone is valuable), he needs to shift his focus to you. In order to do this, he needs a job or at least make the attempt (real attempt, not just pretending for your benefit) to find one. Right now, the relationship is one sided. And that smells of unfair. You need to make it fair. You should be his top priority.