dreamer1109 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Its been almost 3 months that I have been seeing this guy. He is a coworker and I've known him for almost 2 years. We kinda started things the "wrong" way because I was still in a relationship at the time we began having casual sex. Since then I've broken up with me ex and continued seeing my coworker. All along though, he has been adamant about making it clear that hes not interested in a serious relationship. I know he has thought about it though because we got really drunk one night and we all know that the truth comes out when we are drunk and he said he wasn't sure where this could go because he doesn't trust me. I dont blame him for not trusting me. I cheated on my ex, what would stop me from cheating on him. Little does he know how much I like him and enjoy spending time with him. My question is lately, esp since I've broken it off with my ex, my hookup has become increasingly affectionate and I feel like i have almost become his pseudo girlfriend minus the title and dinner and a movie. We spend about 5 nights a week together and have done more than just have sex. For example, walks on the beach, drinks out and watching movies. He's even begun showing affection toward me in front of his roommate. I guess Im just looking for guys perspective on this. Could he be feeling something more? Should I stick around and wait for him to be ready or end it now before i like him more and get my heart broken. Please help I'm not sure what to do... Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Sounds like he is showing more interests but I'm quite sure he has his guards up. Oh and he isn't Mr. Innocent either considering he knew you were in a relationship and still persuite you.. Link to comment
dreamer1109 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 I am 100% certain his guard is up. Hes had a really tough life, mom left when we was 6 months old, raised by his grandmother, living on his own since he was 16. I could go on. I think one of the biggest reasons he is so hesitant is because the last "relationship" he was in the girl broke his heart. This was almost a year ago. I agree he is not Mr. Innocent he even told me one of the reasons he was so interested in a sexual relationship was because I was in a relationship. But I'm not anymore and were still seeing eachother so there must be more there that he likes. I just wish I knew if this was a hopeless cause. Link to comment
Sagreras Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Hmmm, infidelity, promiscuity, coworker… Like erecting a tower on quicksand. Link to comment
Reset Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Yes, sounds to me like he is feeling more but is also feeling conflicted on what to do, especially now that feelings may have developed. It will take some time (I don't know how long) for him to trust you completely but if you're willing to wait he'll probably come around. Just keep doing what your doing... but when you grow tired of him and want to sleep with someone else, don't cheat, just tell him and break it off! Link to comment
dreamer1109 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 Sagreras under normal circumstances I would agree with this 100%, on the surface it seems the right answer. But there is something else between us that is unexplainable. It just works so well. I almost wish I had not started something with him under these conditions because even before we started sleeping together I remember telling a friend I wish I could set him up with my sister or someone close to me so that he could be in my life forever even as a friend, because I didnt see him as anything more than that at this point, he just makes me so happy. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I think one of the biggest reasons he is so hesitant is because the last "relationship" he was in the girl broke his heart. Um...he's hesitant because he knows you're a cheater. That's why he's going to keep you as booty. When he told you he wasn't sure where it could go, I'm sure it's because you ASKED him this, correct? Being put on the spot, he gave you an evasive answer, but enough of a hook so you'll keep sleeping with him. When a man tells you something - believe it. Don't keep rationalizing and twisting it to suit your purpose. He's told you he doesn't want a serious relationship with you, and that he doesn't trust you, and that it's because you're a cheater. LISTEN TO HIM. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Sagreras under normal circumstances I would agree with this 100%, on the surface it seems the right answer. But there is something else between us that is unexplainable. It just works so well. Everybody thinks they are the exception. My concern is that he'd leave you for anoter girl in a relationship. He is morally dubious for specifically wanting a sex. relationship with a girl who was taken. Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Im pretty sure he is interested, just keep working at it. Maybe ask him about it? Nobody wants to be dragged through mud in order to find out the truth. Just work slowly. You should be ok in the end. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I think the biggest hurdle for you, is the serious lack of trust on his part. If you ever want anything to become of you two, you need to EARN back his trust. Prove to him that you are in fact trustworthy. He obviously knows you HAVE cheated on someone in the past. Some people say, once a liar always a liar. I dont agree completely. Some people are capable of recognising their mistakes and make the attempt to solve them. If you want a future with your guy, do whatever you can to earn back his trust. Prove to him without a doubt you will not crush his heart if he lets you in. By crushing him, i mean cheat or otherwise hurt him if he lets you past his barriers. I can relate to this guy when it comes to trust. I have a real hard time trusting people, but that is a fallacy on my part. I have to prove someone is really trustworthy to myself, before i let them in. Much more than what other people require. My barriers are pretty thick, and i would imagine your guys barriers were at one point also very thick. Each time you prove yourself to him, that barrier gets thinner and thinner. Link to comment
dreamer1109 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 I appreciate all your responses. I completely understand why he doesn't trust me and that I need to earn his trust. I guess my only option is to take is slow and see where things go. Mouse I really appreciate your response because I hate the saying once a cheater always a cheater. I know that I am a good person and maybe I didn't make the best decisions in the past but I am about to say without certainty that if I were in a serious relationship with someone I was truly in love with, I would not cheat. On a happier note we had a great weekend together. Kinda our first "date" if you want to call it that, I say date because he paid for my ticket to get into this beer tasting thing we went to. He was a complete gentleman the entire time. Making sure I was having a good time, wouldn't leave my side, etc. I really hope this was a step in the right direction. But only time will tell I guess. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 It seems as though you want his actions to mean more. Unless he makes a step in the direction (which he hasnt) that he wants a serious relationship with you, then you know it is just a hook up. Link to comment
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