The Ex contacted me again months later

[justagr]

Hello everyone!

My ex and I broke up suddenly in the Fall (after 3+ years and living together), after I was told he "did not love me enough" and he "needed time alone" so during that time alone, he slept with a mutual friend of ours, in our bed, and tried to keep it a secret because he wanted to stay together/tried to get me back. I also found out about a lot of other women he cheated on me with. I, of course, moved and stopped all contact, after telling him I knew what he had done. (Meanwhile, his newest fling also knew and was ok with it.) I received several messages trying to force me to talk to him, claiming I left behind things in my move and also we should "chat". In my mind, there was nothing to chat about, after what he did was so dishonest, selfish, and unloving- and it put me out of my own home so I was without a place to live for some time.

It's been a while and I spent the time working on myself and getting stuff done in my life. I have not yet had a real appetite for dating, but I do miss being in a relationship, and I realize our relationship was more in my head than in reality, apparently, and he took advantage of my love for him as an opportunity to cheat on me without me suspecting.

Never has he said sorry or acknowledged what this did to me. Instead, he stayed with his fling and sent me the periodic emails and other forms of contact. I blocked him on most things, and finally stopped hearing from him a few of months ago.

 

Now, out of the blue, there is another email. It makes no mention that he is still with the other woman. It says nothing about the suffering I went through. It asks why we cannot talk. It is prosy. I deleted it and ignored it. I know the right answer. I am just wondering if anyone else has had to go through this- being reminded of your ex's existence by your ex, while he is with the person he cheated on you with. What is the point? I almost feel like saying "It is too late to chat." Seriously, what is there to talk about? Nothing! You're a loser. There, I chatted!

Yes, I once loved you tremendously and I still feel the connection we had- but you ruined that, and I realize now it was all on me. It was my perception of a connection, not a real connection. That is my thing to deal with.

 

Anyway, so I am still recovering, and at this point, this is where I am.

[Silverbirch]

Yes, I went through something very, very similar with an ex ex around 5 years ago. In the last session of contacts he made with me, he said he was wrong about things and hoped I wasn't still angry and upset with him. Even though I was, I just said: "No, life's too short to hold onto those things. I've moved on - I'm happy." He did try texting me more, but I didn't respond and haven't heard anything from him since - which is how I like it.

 

I personally am glad I didn't engage in an indepth conversation with him or discuss my emotions - there had been a time he had my emotions on a platter and just went in for the kill. Why let him have access to my inner self?

[justagr]

I think it's really selfish of him to be contacting me after what he did. I am trying to move on with my life and that means my life without him in it. Reminding me of his existence is totally selfish. I almost want to talk to him but I DON'T because I think he is crazy and he made my life hell, so I see talking to him in any way as putting myself in a bad situation. Like you, Silver, I have nothing to say to him and if I saw him, I would be inclined to ignore him completely. I don't get why he feels the need to contact me- I think it is to redeem himself, which is just awful.

[Silverbirch]

Who knows justagr?? Sounds like your ex was like my ex ex in that he was a real cheater and chased after a lot of women. I think there lives are so boring that they need cheating and drama to put some color into their dull worlds. Maybe he likes life to be like a soap opera, and is trying to lure you back in because things are especially dull right now.

[justagr]

Yes, that is what I am thinking! My first thought was "oh, guess there is trouble in paradise". I wouldn't be surprised if he is trying to play me off his other lover now that he only has one, and since it's been more than 6 months, it is likely to be getting boring for him now. Really SAD.

[nekoxchaos]

wow the ex sounds really selfish , you did the right thing and you seem very strong so far =)

sometimes I can't believe people can use or go through people so easily , I'm guessing he doesn't want to be alone with himself because he probably isn't comfortable or fears dealing with his own issues that he has to go about his life chasing women, thrills and what not. I'm sorry but that sounds like a headache and your way better of !