nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Well I thought I had it under control...I really did, I thought I accepted it... 3years, I leave due to her lying about another guy....2 weeks later she's now in a relationship with him.... Nc has been weeks. I'm now starting again...thinking.. if it was so bad how come she never talked to me about anything? Why string me along? She blames me for it being over...yet if I didn't leave, the outcome would be different? She said nothing...not one word...no goodbye, she refuses to say goodbye to me. Ugh...my mind playing tricks....I wanted her, thought about her for 13 years, even through a marriage and relationships... We had some of the best times...and some of the worst... I want to....I want to so bad to tell her I don't want to move on...I want to try again...we come this far... How can you just be with another so fast...like we meant nothing special.... I feel desperate to get her back....maybe its just the challenge.. Ugh I was doing so well. Link to comment
onemoretime Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 You did the right thing. The relationship that was going no where ended and just as bonus you got the dignity of ending it yourself. All this pain you're going through is part of a process that's going to result in you having a better future. If you were still with her right now you'd just be chained to a sinking ship. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 If things were bad why didn't you say anything? Why did you want out instead of talking to me? Make it better? Neither of us were perfect...but I tried. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 Everyone says nc nc nc....but how is she going to know how I feel....how is she going to know that I still think ages the one and that despite everything I still believe in things... I keep thinking that nothing comes cheap....that theres must be something still there... I dont want to move on... Link to comment
Danny77 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 NC. Your feelings are yours. It doesnt matter if she knows how you feel or not. Wanting her to know how you are feeling is just a way of trying to make her feel a certain way. She will do as she does. And you........ you're gonna stop thinking about her and move the **** on. You left with dignity. You may never get your goodbye. Find a distraction for when you feel like this. She went with another guy two weeks later. This is someone you should never never never want to be with. She proved who she really was. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 I know... * * * * I'm so much smarter than that...and I been doing so well....I mean going out...writing..photography...reading book after book....its because our would be annivesary is tomorrow... I'm really kicking myself for this frame of mind...I'm better than this..have been.. Link to comment
onemoretime Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 It's going to take some time. You're not stupid you're just under the influence (not alcohol obviously). Your brain can't really function the way you want to but just try to push through it anyway. Any attempts to win her back won't make you look good in her eyes, if anything she'll just miss you and come back on her own. Thinking about that though will only make it worse so there's no point in doing anything other than assuming it's over. Link to comment
livestrong23 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 So tomorrow will be tough, just be prepared to be down,cry and struggle mightily with nc. I know because yday was my exes bday (I have a thread in healing forum) and the day before was hard,day was brutal and today was just a little better because I made it thru maintaining nc. Tomorrow will be better for me etc... Get thru tomorrow and it will get better each day, I promise...I know because I'm living it too...and I am 50 something days nc. Livestrong Link to comment
livestrong23 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Oh, and bday/anniversary/special day, they are all the same...tougher then "normal" days. Link to comment
LN1987 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 It sucks as my birthday is our anniversary... How unlucky Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 I just don't get how this timeframe happened.. Goes from, planning a life, in love with me, cant wait to move intogether and get married.....to ignoring me and me getting pissed at her....then 2 weeks find out she's emotionally involved with another ..I even still fought for another 2 weeks...then left the relationship...to her getting into a new one 2 weeks later.. and blamed me..saying i walked out... * * * ? She went to new orleans for a conference...when she got back this all started...this guy is from there...and now shes moving there. She just up and left. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 I know it doesn't matter.. bit today I just tried to make sense...I mean who acts that way. Is this like insecurity and needy and has to be with someone? Shes moving there so is this guy a new security blanket? Link to comment
Mustachio Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I think you need to try your hardest to stop analyzing her behavior. You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why. In addition, you will find false hope in tiny details that really dont matter. We tell you to go NC because do you really think telling her your feelings is going to make her reconsider things? The past is the past and you cant change it, and instead of coming to you and telling you how she felt, she did something selfish and cowardly, hurt you in the process, then blames you for the pain you are feeling. Do you really want to be with a person like that? I know the answer to my last question is yes right now, but in 6 months you will feel differently. You are at a critical time right now, a time where you need to start adjusting to the fact that you two are not together. I am not saying you should never be friends, but if you keep her in your life, you are you going to make the transition harder... and for what? The hope that maybe you two can get back together, without both of you learning and growing from your mistakes and past what can you possibly hope will be different in the future? Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 Today would be 3 years....3 years of a fake empty relationship...as I reflect then and now, people around me have noticed the following.. I'm in a better mood now I'm happier I'm more compassionate at work I'm more patient I'm more friendlier I look better I'm back to my old self Several members of my family say they never liked her There was always something "just not right" That she had, has, and will always have emotional problems. I left her 3 times...i guess the. Only reason she came back was because there was no one else... Link to comment
damagedatbest Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I know it doesn't matter.. bit today I just tried to make sense...I mean who acts that way. Is this like insecurity and needy and has to be with someone? Shes moving there so is this guy a new security blanket? I've been where you are. 11 months ago in fact. I was just up and left for someone else. No goodbyes, no explanations, no reasons. It literally tore me apart inside. I blamed myself, wondered what was wrong with ME, rehashed the whole relationship in my mind day after day. I did all this for about 9 months and then I got tired. Tired of wondering why he did it. Tired of wondering what she has that I dont. Tired of trying to figure out why I loved him more than he loved me. I had to let it go and I have. He still crosses my mind. I think of him at least once a day usually and I miss the great times we shared but I dont wonder why anymore because the answers will never come. I still havent dated but after almost a year, I finally feel ready! When I think of him, I try to wish him well in my mind and move on. I totally understand where you're at. The wondering, wishing, second guessing. It's a process that you have to go through. Everyone can say stop asking why and move forward but you wont because it's something that you have to go through to get to the other side. I will tell you that you will stop pondering it all when you are tired of how it all makes you feel. I couldnt stand how sad it still made me feel anymore so I really did just have to accept what it is, and who HE is and move forward. I realized, as you will one day that I dont want a person who replaces people that they claimed to care for in a matter of days or weeks and if his heart would have been where mine was, he would have communicated and fought for us. Pm me if you want to talk. Link to comment
Bcom Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 If things were bad why didn't you say anything? Why did you want out instead of talking to me? Make it better? Neither of us were perfect...but I tried. Some people are cowards and they can't grow a back bone and be honest! Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 Today is anniversary... I just want to talk to her...ask her if she can forgive me....it wasn't supposed to be this way..on an instant it all happened...like a drive by shooting.. one minute its all good...next second its goodbye forever. Link to comment
atlanticstar Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Yuk, I've been in a similar situation myself a few years back and yes this SUCKS. Big time. The truth is, she'd already been preparing things with this other guy long before you found out and by the sounds of it you only found out because of her lying. You need to focus on accepting that she'd rather be elsewhere. Trust me, stay away, preserve your dignity and masculinity by going in the opposite direction to her. You will thank yourself later, I promise you. Your emotions will be all over the place at the moment with jealousy, anger, sadness, etc. This is just a temporary state in which the best thing you can do is nothing. You can't make decisions on what-if, you can only go with what you know and that is she lied to you and choose to leave. Those are the facts, forget the emotions. As another poster mentioned, you need to try to stop your mind occupying itself with analysing this over-and-over looking for the smallest scrap of information that will explain everything. I know that is easier said than done! I've found that listening to music that you liked before you met them helps. It is only as time passes that you gain clarity and mentally step back and realise the reason is simple. She thought more of being with the other guy than you. Thats the best way to summarise it. Its not a reflection of you, just a decision she made. Would you want to marry someone with that kind of decision making ability? You sound like a decent guy with good qualities from the interests you mentioned. Hang in there fella. Its hard knowing they were stringing you along for so long, but as I've found out myself in life, so many people are shallow, only interested in the now, what they can take from the relationship and couldn't care less about anyone else. Dents the ego a bit but dust yourself down. You'll find someone else in time. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Ugh...just listing to give myself something to do. Sitting at work bored put of my mind really....there were a few moments were I really wanted to contact....I didnt it has just been a day...posters your right...all of it is right....why would I want a girl who would do that to me...play the cold * * * * * ...till i leave then play the victim card...its just....in all honesty I'm rooting for the two of them to get married.. get her off the market. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Today is anniversary... I just want to talk to her...ask her if she can forgive me....it wasn't supposed to be this way..on an instant it all happened...like a drive by shooting.. one minute its all good...next second its goodbye forever. I just thought I would point out that it obviously wasnt all good. You mentioned up above that your family and friends didnt really like her. You said she has emotional problems. And you left her 3 times! There must have been reasons you left. Just remember those things as you move on. You are in a phase of idealizing everything and missing it all, and you need to get past it. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 * * * * ... what is wrong with me? i mean seriously... something is telling me to contact her. something is just telling me so. like a whisper in my ear.. a constant whisper. i know shes with this other guy for all the wrong reasons... shes looking for a net.. i keep telling myself we belong together.. this cant be... it want supposed to be this way... we werent supposed to be separated.. we just werent, there has got to be something i can say... something i can do... i just cant accept the way things are to be real... i have had several relationships and nothing in the past compares to how it is now... that has to say something doesnt it? i didnt ask for this... i asked for her... i asked for a chance with her. for 13 years, I had asked for her... I just want another chance.. Id give anything. I would do anything.. I dont care about the past or about the present.. the mistakes... i dont care... this cannot be the way it all ends... I just want her back is there nothing i can say? or do? Link to comment
nekoxchaos Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I think you need to get yourself back first, while it is ideal and romantic that she will just stop and realize how much you mean and come running back ..... shes already with someone else and from the looks of it she doesn't seem that stable. You can't make a person feel something they don't , its not our choice but its theirs to feel for themselves. The best thing we can do is come to terms with ourselves and realize that we deserve better, what happens if she does come back only to string you along ? youll just be stuck in a cycle and the only way to end it is to cut her out. Who knows what will happen later on , but do the best for yourself and forget about her. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 i will not contact i will not contact i will not contact i will not contact i will not contact grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, just let it go.. please... please... do not give her the satisfaction but if i dont say anything how will she know how I feel? she doesnt care anymore.....shes moved on how can she move on in an instant.. its all lies that may be, but its her lies now but i dont want to let go... why? because, if i let go then it truly is over. its over now dont say that, please just dont say that why? i dont want it to be over then why did you leave so many times? she did the best she could and it wasnt good enough for me. i pushed her away, its all my fault your going to be lost... be careful im already lost no your not... you have only just found yourself. id rather be lost in love. if you go after her, you will lose but how can i win? you win by letting her go how is that winning? SHE IS NOT THE ONE, SHE WILL NEVER BE THE ONE then who is the one? she will be next how do you know? because you now have been through it all, you know what it means to love, to be patient, to be humble, and soon when you learn to let go and gain acceptance she will come god why are you being such a * * * * * .. seriously, look what i have given you! you have an endless supply of females to occupy your libido, your working non stop, your reading constantly, learning, growing... your getting more fit, and stronger... you have attention.. cant you just be patient?? what more do you want? to move on.. to let go... SHE DOESNT LOVE YOU ANYMORE.. THIS ISNT SOME HOLLYWOOD CRAP! THIS IS REAL LIFE. AND IN THIS LIFE SHE IS * * * * ING SOME OTHER GUY, LOVING HIM GOING TO MARRY HIM.. YOU ARE NOT WHAT SHE WANTS OR NEEDS... AND IM TELLING YOU YOU DONT WANT HER! SHE IS NOT FOR YOU.. you have been given your chance to be with her.. you asked for it.. you asked for all of this... you said 5 years ago " i dont care if it works or if it fails, i can handle it, im strong enough to endure anything.. all i want is the chance to try" sound familiar? you got your wish, its not meant to be, it never was meant to be, it will never be again. ........... ..................... ................................. i want her back if you wish for her again, you will regret it..... you cant just play with nature like that.. you cant do it... You ask for her again.... your not only going to destroy yourself, but you will take her with you. let her go. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I am so sorry for how you are feeling. I KNOW how it feels! I wanted my ex back desperately just as you do. I could not accept it was over and that she did not love me the way I loved her. I mean how could she not feel the same way after all that we had shared? Well the truth is people change, feelings change. She did not feel that way about me anymore or she would not have left. I struggled for a year trying to get her back. It was the worst year of my life. You must remember just because YOU feel a certain way about someone doesn't not mean they feel that way about you. I know it hurts but it is the truth. At some point you will have to accept she is gone and move on. Maybe one day she will come back but don't count on it. Act as if she is never coming back. You need to get your life back. You need to go NC if you are not already and do not reach out to her. I know it's really hard but what choice do you have? You can't make her want you back. But if you beg and keep trying to get her back you can def push her away even more. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 I just feel I need to tell her I want to reconcile....that I understand where I went wrong. And Iam befter than what I have allowed myself to be. I feel like if i dont say how i feel it is certain there will be no chance Link to comment
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