oneroad Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Well I saw him today for the first time all week... we work in the same company and as i was leaving I saw him in the car park... he saw me, smiled and waved and i waved back and headed straight for my car. I then drove off out the car park and didnt even glance in his direction. 2 seconds later he drove out behind me and that was it... my heart was racing and i got nerves in my stomach Its been just over a week of NC and im doing my best to remain this way. Its also just over 2 weeks since we broke up... it was his decision in the end although i did force the issue as he was clearly very confused as to what he wanted and i saw no other way as i really didnt want to put my life on hold any longer. He seems to lack confidence quite a bit and im not sure whether he got scared or what happened. Without being big headed, i do get quite a bit of male attention although i dont act on it. All the guys ive spoken to say hes mad and hes clearly messed up. I really want to give things another go but i just cant see it happening. Link to comment
professorplum Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 You sound as if you are doing fine. What do you want exactly? If you work together there are going to be all kinds of opportunities for you to re-connect if that is what you both want. How exactly has he messed up I suppose is the question and is he capable of learning from this. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I wouldn't consider the "male attention" you are getting and focus on creating a life as a single woman. Just continue NC, but don't start anything new. Link to comment
oneroad Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 You sound as if you are doing fine. What do you want exactly? If you work together there are going to be all kinds of opportunities for you to re-connect if that is what you both want. How exactly has he messed up I suppose is the question and he is capable of learning from this. I want to get back together and give things another go. I was hoping that by giving him space he would sort his head out but i guess its only been just over a week. I find it hard seeing him in work sometimes and just waving or saying hi Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 What's he confused about? Did he say? Just be careful with all the waving hi and bye stuff, because he might think your ok with the situation. Then if he starts dating someone else and you suddenly stop waving then he knows it was all fake. So whatever behaviour you are displaying now, you will have to follow through with, because you are already doing it now. If you are hurt over this, waving at him isn't going to help. (I've been in this situation before). Link to comment
professorplum Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Yes I know exactly what you mean about seeing them at work because it was happening to me and I found it necessary to avoid the woman in question as much as possible which was hard work at times. I am a novice with NC but am currently trying to put it into practice myself. If you read most of the threads on here over a period of time, you are right a week is nothing. The advice is usually to let go and if possible try to start again once any issues have been resolved. We could be talking months which in your case is harder if you are seeing him regularly. A simple wave etc suggests to me there is no animosity on your part so as the dumper kind of, he really ought to be looking at initiating some kind of reconciliation at some point. However, as most people will state here that is by no means guaranteed. The length of your relationship and the nature of the split will also come into play. I think the answer is plenty of space and see whether he wants to reconsider or even fight to get you back. Not easy when you don't know what is going on inside his head. In the meantime try not to dwell too much on it and fill your life with other things. Great advice I have been given but not easy to implement I know. Are there any colleagues who know anything about how he is feeling? Link to comment
onemoretime Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 It's natural that you're going to have feelings for him after a relationship. The idea is that you want to have feelings for someone who appreciates you so your goal should be to get rid of those feelings not drag them out. Feelings for someone who makes you happy are good, but a person who breaks up with you doesn't make you happy and no matter what you might imagine, doesn't appreciate you. A guy would bend over backwards to fit you in if he really liked you, but he clearly doesn't any more. Link to comment
oneroad Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 What's he confused about? Did he say? Just be careful with all the waving hi and bye stuff, because he might think your ok with the situation. Then if he starts dating someone else and you suddenly stop waving then he knows it was all fake. So whatever behaviour you are displaying now, you will have to follow through with, because you are already doing it now. If you are hurt over this, waving at him isn't going to help. (I've been in this situation before). He seemed very mixed up with everything, he didnt know if it was because he had been single for so long that he found it hard to adjust (hes very much a lad's lad and his friends are very important to him) or whether he was scared of getting hurt so put barriers up meaning we didnt get close. Itwas all a bit of a shock for me as things had been going well between us. When we met up to discuss things he claimed his feelings for me hadnt changed but he didnt know how long he would be feeling in his odd mood for and if he broke it off whether he would regret it, he just didnt know! Should i not wave at all then? im trying to keep things on a ok level as we work together and share mutual friends. Link to comment
oneroad Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 When you saw her in work did you say hi or anything? If im honest i think working with someone and dating does not go, and im sure this had some sort of effect on our relationship. Ive asked one friend and she said hes said nothing, i dont think anyone knows, im trying keep work and personal life separate now. Would you say to not contact him at all? Link to comment
professorplum Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I think by waving you are showing you are ok with things, you are not ignoring him and should he want to approach you it suggests he will not instantly be rejected. If you don't work in the same area at work, then to some extent you can still avoid him. I work at a school so I used to see her in the corridor sometimes. I did try my best not to see her though because by doing so it unsettled me. I am her boss for 5 hrs a week so we still communicated by email. Yes, we did talk if we met but it was usually superficial stuff which in a way is worse because you know there is another conversation going on which is not being articulated. She often used to start the conversation. I would say give it some more time and try and remain elusive. Give him the chance to miss you and hopefully act upon it. In the whole scheme of things , this is very early still. How long were you together? Link to comment
oneroad Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 8 months but offically only 6. Before that we were friends and hanged around with the same group of people from work. I feel like i have a feeling i want to check hes made the right decision as it all ended on him not sure what he wanted. Im guesing this isnt a good idea? Link to comment
professorplum Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Hard to say without knowing the person himself. I know if it were me and I was regretting what I had done, I would risk rejection / swallow my pride and do what it took. I would want to fight for you - apologise etc. Now some people might see that as weakness but if it mattered then I would try and surely as the actual dumper here that is his role. It might be too early for him to do that yet although I can understand your impatience. It depends what you are going to do or say. I don't think there is any real harm in chatting generally if the situation presents itself and then this gives him an opportunity to say something about the relationship but it obviously has to be at the right time when work does not intrude and there is no one else around. I think the key is to show you are getting on with life but are open to his overtures. He needs to appreciate what he has lost and if he doesn't then as sad as it is you were not meant to be. Link to comment
oneroad Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 Its hard as well as ive not deleted him off facebook completely but i have hidden all his posts. One of my friends thought he would have realised by now and tried to get me back but im not sure hes thinking like that at the moment. Oh well time will tell! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Its hard as well as ive not deleted him off facebook completely but i have hidden all his posts. One of my friends thought he would have realised by now and tried to get me back but im not sure hes thinking like that at the moment. Oh well time will tell! Why not block him? He can still read what you write if you merely make it so you hide his posts. Link to comment
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