browney2 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 What are the rules here? Background. I met a guy. He seemed ok. We were getting along. He sent me the link for me to add him on some other social networks and I did. So I decided to Facebook search him and he's married with 2 kids. I confronted him and he told me he's not really married but his girlfriend created the facebook page ... and he simultaneously blocked me. Obviously he is lying and badly too. What I want to know is whether I crossed a line by searching for him. It just seems foolish to have all that information at your fingertips and ignore it. On the other hand, my friend who encouraged me to do the search isn't known for her scruples. I'm happy to get the information before I get attached to him but I wonder if I crossed over to the dark side. Any thoughts. Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Nope, you didn't do anything wrong. Dude is dumb. Years ago, in college, I had a blog in which I one day proceeded to talk about a guy in my class with whom I was "friends" but who made me very uncomfortable (he was nice, I just found him odd.) I mused in my post about how I didn't understand why this guy continued to try and be my friend when we obviously had nothing in common. Not surprisingly, one day I checked the comments on that blog entry and found a comment from my "friend" saying not to worry, that he wouldn't be bothering me again in the near future. I had never given this person my name on the blogosphere nor was the fact that I maintained a blog a known fact but hey, he had my e-mail address and that's really all he needed to do a Google search and thus our "friendship" ended (as well it should have.) I learned a little something about the Intarwebs that day...give someone your shoe size and they'll track you down on the Internet. Duh. In other words, the Internet is public domain and people should not be giving out info that can be easily searched and traced back to things they don't want anyone to see. You did nothing wrong...he should not be giving out info to girls whit whom he's attempting to cheat on his wife, which will lead them straight back to his Facebook profile showing quite clearly that he's married. Good for you for calling him out on it! Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 What a liar!!!! no, you did not cross any 'lines.' i think what you did was reasonable. I am glad you did this early on, rather than waste any more time with him!! Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Nope you didn't do anything wrong. We are all curious by nature and will look up information on those we like/have a crush on/just to be nosey lol. It's just human nature. He was beyond dumb! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I googled my boyfriend when I was going to go on a date with him. Now, if I had searched for him, found him and messaged him on a site or with an email address he hadn't yet given to me, then that would be crossing the line before a first date. I would be creeped out if a guy came to a first or second date and gave me info about myself that was on the internet. As far as what you did, you were within your rights to search - if it were something mundane like where he worked and he didn't reveal that to you yet or what his favorite band was, I would keep quiet and let him tell you those things himself. But being married is a bigger deal. I might have played it a little differently - met up with him the next time as usual and talk to him about it and told him you knew and dumped him - if he blocked you immediately, it seems you told him over email? ANyway, I am glad you found out as soon as you did. btw, if his girlfriend did create it - then if he isn't married - he's cheating on her, right?? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Good for you, honey. You did the right thing. Maybe he'll think twice about cheating in the future. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 What are the rules here? Background. I met a guy. He seemed ok. We were getting along. He sent me the link for me to add him on some other social networks and I did. So I decided to Facebook search him and he's married with 2 kids. I confronted him and he told me he's not really married but his girlfriend created the facebook page ... and he simultaneously blocked me. Obviously he is lying and badly too. What I want to know is whether I crossed a line by searching for him. It just seems foolish to have all that information at your fingertips and ignore it. On the other hand, my friend who encouraged me to do the search isn't known for her scruples. I'm happy to get the information before I get attached to him but I wonder if I crossed over to the dark side. Any thoughts. Something else to note - you didn't pull any super secret spy moves. You just did a simple public search. If he didn't want some information out there, he should not have created a facebook page. or should i say, his "girlfriend" should not have created him a facebook page. Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 What are the rules here? Background. I met a guy. He seemed ok. We were getting along. He sent me the link for me to add him on some other social networks and I did. So I decided to Facebook search him and he's married with 2 kids. I confronted him and he told me he's not really married but his girlfriend created the facebook page ... and he simultaneously blocked me. Obviously he is lying and badly too. What I want to know is whether I crossed a line by searching for him. It just seems foolish to have all that information at your fingertips and ignore it. On the other hand, my friend who encouraged me to do the search isn't known for her scruples. I'm happy to get the information before I get attached to him but I wonder if I crossed over to the dark side. Any thoughts. All's fair in love & war. You did right and didn't get played....you win. You did right. Link to comment
browney2 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks. He was really stupid. I think I may have inadvertently made him a better cheater. I wouldn't have said anything at all except for the fact that he spent so much time going on an on about the truth and talking to the "real me" so I was a little annoyed. Not enough to go meet him in person but annoyed enough to say something. i'm glad I didn't get played but I was wondering if this should be routine or if its a bit paranoid. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I always check my dates against the local court database. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I always check my dates against the local court database. I thought I was the only one who did that.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 one of my friends thinks that is wrong - she says you shouldn't even go out on a date with a guy you would be worried might have a record. i don't care. i want to know if he has some skeletons. Link to comment
browney2 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 I always check my dates against the local court database. lmao. I've never thought to do that. Thanks. I don't usually do checks until something seems completely off but I think now I will do them as a matter of course. Save myself the trouble of finding out later Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 one of my friends thinks that is wrong - she says you shouldn't even go out on a date with a guy you would be worried might have a record. i don't care. i want to know if he has some skeletons. The thing is, you could end up with a false negative (had to throw in the science term!). The person may still be up to no good legally, but hasn't been caught yet so he doesn't have any kind of record...YET. Also, there are lots of people who are just several shades above the law...in other words, what they are doing is legal but not necessarily ethical. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 The thing is, you could end up with a false negative (had to throw in the science term!). The person may still be up to no good legally, but hasn't been caught yet so he doesn't have any kind of record...YET. Also, there are lots of people who are just several shades above the law...in other words, what they are doing is legal but not necessarily ethical. Yes, that is an excellent point. Or, they may have a record, just out of the state. Or they might be married and have 2 kids, and you would never know unless you check their facebook. I don't use it as the 'gold standard.' Link to comment
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I always goggle people before meeting them or I check court records. Knowledge is power! I do hate how facebook is private now like unless you are friends with them you can't see their wall posts,etc. Same goes with Myspace ( back in the day) I hated when people made their myspace private. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 If I was dating someone new, I'd search for their facebook and google their name, and their email address. Link to comment
ladyninja30 Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 It's not really wrong to try and get a better sense of who your dating..what if you log on to their page and it says married or in a relationship... Link to comment
jengh Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I always check my dates against the local court database. Oh, I go all out.... sex offender registry, department of corrections.... I creep on the guys before I date them Link to comment
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Well unfourtunely like I said if their FB is " private" or they are not in your network,etc you cannot see their relationship status same goes with Myspace ( I know so yesterday lol) Link to comment
Glowguy Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Are there any specific events that caused you to start checking court records? If so, I'd be interested to hear about it, haha. That seems a little paranoid to me, but I guess it never hurts to be careful. Link to comment
Happyhappyjoy Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Well in my case my dad was a cop and he always told me the horror stories and I watched alot of Forensic Files. He always gave me the lecture Katie I am going to tell you how important it is to be safe and not wind up with a toe tag on your foot. So after all of his horror stories I became more and more cautious. Link to comment
browney2 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 Are there any specific events that caused you to start checking court records? If so, I'd be interested to hear about it, haha. That seems a little paranoid to me, but I guess it never hurts to be careful. My sister was dating this guy she was madly in love with. She surreptitiously moved him into our house and was making plans to marry him. They dated for years. My mother was ecstatic cause the guy said he was a doctor. My mom and my sis brought him lunch at the hospital where he claimed to work. Well things were a little off ... not a lot. Its just that for someone who was a doctor this chap was broke and owned nothing. Didn't have a gambling problem to speak of. Just a leech. Then after awhile he stopped working at the hospital and started working at a high school. Said it was part of a project funded by the health ministry. Well thieves attempted to steal his car and the police came. They asked me a bunch of questions about his job and where to find him since he left for work already. Just saying all the info out loud sounded so ridiculous to my ears [and it didn't help that the policeman was giving me a "is this girl serious" look]. I checked with the local medical board. The whole process took less than 5 mins. Sure enough he wasn't a doctor. Apparently he has been running this scam for years with other women he leeched off of, got pregnant and left. For years I thought something was off and I did nothing when the info was right there. I'm telling you it was less than 5 mins!!! Link to comment
WildChild Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I worked for an attorney whose husband was also an attorney for the Attorney General's Office. I had started talking on line to a guy I was matched up with on a dating site, and chatted for about a month before we even talked on the phone. We did a secured call, and he seemed even nicer on the phone than in our written convos. My boss was very protective of me, and had her husband do a background check. Thank the dear Lord above...turned out the guy was a convicted felon for having held his now ex wife by gun point with a stand off with police, and had supervised visits once a month for an hour with his children Needless to say, I found a 'quick' reason (lied, but wanted a sure way out)...told him my ex husband wanted to work things out, and deleted my account. Happens more than people realize. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I dont think that it was wrong of you to look at information available to you. Personally, I havent used such resources to look up information of people that I date. Link to comment
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