I think he is going to break up with me, and I don't know what to do.

[Madamdiva007]

I have this really, really strong feeling that my bf wants to break up with me. I just don't know how I should handle it, if I should do anything preemptive to try to protect myself, just pull back and give him distance, or just let it go and act like everything is ok. I'm sad, really really sad. And really, really worried.

 

Thanks guys.

[TakingtheBlame]

This may be a really broad question, but why do you think he's going to break up with you?

[ZeldaB]

It really depends on the situation, why do you think he going to break with you?

[Jd1983]

This is where good communication comes to play. I'm with everyone else, why do you think he wants to break up with you?

 

If something is on your mind, it's best to talk it out, rather than just assume.

[Madamdiva007]

Well he's gone through a few phases in our relationship where he has gotten distant and kind of cold. It's only happened maybe twice, but he hasn't been like that since February. Everything has been absolutely wonderful between us, we were getting along so well, and he was constantly telling me how much he loved me and being so sweet and acting so "into" the relationship.

 

But he's been in one of these "moods" for the past week now. He's never mean to me when he gets like this, just not as lovey dovey as before, doesn't really use pet names, etc. He just seems irritated and stressed. And actually kind of depressed to be honest with you. I'm a very insecure person, so I pick up on this, and automatically assume its me and he's tired of me or something. He always says its because of his job (he hates it) and that basically he's just stressed.

 

But he has been super distant to me today. I got really worked up about it and asked him if everything was ok with us, and he said it was. He just hates his job so much. He also said he's very stressed about money, and feels like he can't do what makes him happy in life because of financial constraints. He told me it just really has him down and people act differently when they are concerned about money.

 

The thing is, he just doesn't really seem like he wants to be around me tonight. I work overnights on Friday( 10pm - 8am) and so he usually goes out with his friends but I usually spend time with him before I go in. But he just doesn't seem like he really wants to get together tonight.

 

I guess he is just reminding me of how my ex was right before he cheated on me and broke up with me. Was super distant, but said everything was ok, and then boom.

 

Everything seemed ok yesterday for the most part. I just don't understand why today is so different.

[corgidude]

I can't tell you if he is or isn't. I can't even tell you how to prevent it, because I don't know what or how he's feeling.

 

I CAN tell you this: Communicate with him. You've listed several reasons as to why he *might* be considering breaking up, but he's also said everything is okay with your relationship. It sounds like your communication isn't at 100% at the moment. He needs to feel comfortable talking to you, so badgering him about it or giving him high pressure questions like "Is everything okay with us?" are going to make him feel uncomfortable. Instead of asking if your relationship is okay, ask him what you can do to help him feel better about his situation.

 

You also need to talk about YOUR feelings with him. Again, don't pressure him, just let him know how you feel when he's this distant with you. Do NOT mention anything about your ex in that conversation. That will come out too strongly as an accusation. You might mean well, but he'll hear it as, "My ex did this to me, so I expect you're going to as well." You both need to let each other know your feelings, and both need to feel comfortable that you can share them with one another. Good communication is a cornerstone on any relationship. If you're not able to communicate with one another, things can become difficult very quickly.

[ZeldaB]

I went through a similar situation when my bf and I were about two years in, he had just been laid off and was really stressing about money - he was also upset that even though he had a degree he still wasn't able to get work in his field. He got very distant, wanted time for himself and kinda shut me out of a point. Point I'm trying to make is, people act differently when they are "concerned" about anything. Stress can really bum you out. I would continue to act as you normally do, maybe ask him if he wants to talk about anything that's bothering him - don't pester him about its, just let him know your there to listen if he wants. If he is concerened about money and wants to change jobs or even start a new career be supportive and encourage him to look into options that would allow him to pursue something he enjoys.

 

Don't assume the worst. Stay positive.

[Madamdiva007]

Thank you for your responses. I do ask him if everything is ok in general, without bringing "us" up. He will usually just say yeah, just hate my job or something like that, but I always feel like there's more to it. But that might just be me. I also do ask him what I can do to help him or make him feel happier. But he usually just says nothing.

 

He didn't call me tonight like he usually does when he gets off work. But he did text me a little while ago. I told him he could call me so he did, but man did he sound miserable. He didn't say anything about seeing me tonight so I guess he doesn't want to.

 

But now I'm just starting to get frustrated. I don't understand why he is so down, and what's bothering him. I wish he would just tell me. I'm just sitting here crying. I wish there was something I could do. I hate this.

[hrtlsngl7]

If it happens it happens. That means it wasn't meant to be. Don't base your whole existence on a bf. Get some hobbies and hang w/ your girls.

[ZeldaB]

I know it's hard when he is distance and all you want to do is make him feel better but sometimes all you can do is wait, maybe he isn't ready to talk about whatever it is that's on his mind. In the mean time, try not to dwell on it. Go to work, hang out with friends, make sure you taking care of you. I think sometimes in relationships were so busy trying to make sure the other person is happy that we forgot about taking care of ourselves. Be patient, everything always has a way of working itself out.

[endy]

Walk up to him... Take his hand... Look him in the eyes and say dear, I see that you are suffering or in pain. I love you, how can I help. Listen to him with compassion.