beachbum642 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. In July in would have been a year we were together. We lived together and when we broke up I moved to my own place. But he still calls me and comes over all the time. We still go on dates and do many activities together. Right now he said he is just very stressed and doesn't want to drag me into his problems he has going on with his house etc right now. He said he knows that I will be happier in my own place. And at times yes I am, but I still would much rather be living with him. He will usually come over and stay for a week and then go home for a week but still has a lot of communication. He still also says that he loves me. We had talked about moving together to Texas if he gets transferred for his job but we were just waiting for an opening, and now he interviewed for the position and waiting to find out if he gets the job in Texas or not, I am wondering if that has something to do with it. He basically still acts like I am his gf and cares for me a lot. It is just hard not knowing if we will get back together or not. I just would like some advice on the situation, it has been hard but I have been holding myself together even though I have no idea where it is gonna go. I am just afraid that he will end up moving to Texas and then we will be done for good. I can see him as someone to spend my life with, I just don't know if he sees that with me. Basically he just said he needed his space yet he doesn't take his own space very often. Please help. Thanks, Link to comment
elcie Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It seems as if your ex has a problem with commitment yet still wants the benefits of a relationship. Problems outside of a relationship shouldn't be a reason to break up. In fact, one of the benefits of a relationship is that you have someone to support you when times are bad. You definitely shouldn't allow this situation continue. You're letting your ex have his cake and eat it too! Link to comment
LaceWing Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It sounds like he treats you like a girlfriend still in some ways...which is highly unfair on you because it's inevitably going to mess your feelings around. He obviously cares about you, but I actually don't understand this set-up. If you are now friends-only, why do you need to move to Texas with him? And if he wants you to move to Texas with him...then under what conditions? As his girlfriend, as his friend? Maybe you need to make him understand that there is a difference between a girlfriend and a friend, and that he needs to decide which one he wants you to be. Link to comment
NANsense Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I notice you made two statement regarding being in separate places.... he just said he needed his space and He said he knows that I will be happier in my own place. ...just my opinion....but it sounds like he was hoping you'd be happier apart--because he likes it this way...for whatever reason he needs more breathing room....you, on the other hand don't & want to be living together... It does sound like he cares abt you & wants this rlshp to continue...but it also sounds like you are very unhappy that it isn't working out the way you imagined... Do you believe that the move to Texas would relieve the outside "stress" and make it possible to live together again? Would you want to make the move and live apart if they didn't? Do you feel the stress is environmental & would go away when/if you move? OR do you feel his anxiety is triggered by personal issues he needs to work on? Just some things to consider and maybe chat with him abt to get a better understanding of where the two of you stand...IMO if the problems are purely environmental: work, locale, low pay, etc...then maybe the move would set you back on course? I hope this helps & good luck to you Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It actually sounds like you moved in together way too soon. If July would have only been a year together and you had broken up a month ago, that mean you moved in together very quickly...probably before he was really ready to share his space with a girlfriend. However, if he chose to break up with you, then why are you continuing to act like his gf when you are not given the "status" of being his girlfriend. In other words, you are the person he comes to for sleep overs but he won't call you his girlfriend. A relationship can take a step back if it was rushed...like in this case you moved in together too soon and he needs breathing room so you moved out. However, just because a couple choose to live separately doesn't mean the relationship has to end. He ended the relationship period. He no longer considers you his girlfriend...yet you are good enough to have sleepovers with until he is ready to move on. My suggestion is for you to end things now. Don't put up with being his temporary entertainment until he is ready to move on. Link to comment
going2crazy Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 There is nothing wrong with slowing your pace. Perhaps he is saving your relationship from destruction by doing this. Sometimes there is too much pressure living together. Link to comment
beachbum642 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Hi thank you for your response. Well I am not sure about if he is going to move to texas or not if he gets the job, but as far as I know we had talked about me moving there before and now since the break up he would be going alone. I know he has a lot of his own stress and things he says he is trying to work out on his own, he said that it is easier for him to do it without having me involved. Yet im still always there. And we did move in together quickly so im sure that could be y he needed his own space. But even now that i have my own space back too id like to have some space as well, but i miss him when he is gone and enjoy when he comes over to visit even if it is for a week at a time. In a way i feel like we are taking a step back because we hope that we can work this relationship out and be bf and gf again. What doesnt make sense though is when i first moved into my place he kept saying how much he liked it and if he moved in he would love it at my place...so that can be even more confusing. And he still hasnt bought a bed for his place...its like he is waiting to see what he is going to do before he makes any real decisions. Maybe all the moving to quickly threw us off balance and we need to get back. Link to comment
beachbum642 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Hi thank you all for your responses. Im new at this whole thing so im not sure how it works, here is my reply...still would like any feed back you have. Thanks Well I am not sure about if he is going to move to texas or not if he gets the job, but as far as I know we had talked about me moving there before and now since the break up he would be going alone. I know he has a lot of his own stress and things he says he is trying to work out on his own, he said that it is easier for him to do it without having me involved. Yet im still always there. And we did move in together quickly so im sure that could be y he needed his own space. But even now that i have my own space back too id like to have some space as well, but i miss him when he is gone and enjoy when he comes over to visit even if it is for a week at a time. In a way i feel like we are taking a step back because we hope that we can work this relationship out and be bf and gf again. What doesnt make sense though is when i first moved into my place he kept saying how much he liked it and if he moved in he would love it at my place...so that can be even more confusing. And he still hasnt bought a bed for his place...its like he is waiting to see what he is going to do before he makes any real decisions. Maybe all the moving to quickly threw us off balance and we need to get back. Link to comment
NANsense Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thank you for adding this If I'm hearing you correctly it sounds as though you understand there are things you both need to work on and you're very hopeful that this rlshp will work out....but at the same time you're saddened by the fact that you feel like the rlshp is in a state of limbo....everything is uncertain Taking that into consideration--If you were to finish this sentence--what would you say? "my biggest fear is...... Link to comment
beachbum642 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thank you for adding this If I'm hearing you correctly it sounds as though you understand there are things you both need to work on and you're very hopeful that this rlshp will work out....but at the same time you're saddened by the fact that you feel like the rlshp is in a state of limbo....everything is uncertain Taking that into consideration--If you were to finish this sentence--what would you say? "my biggest fear is...... Thank you for responding again. Yes the state of being in limbo is very hard. My biggest fear is I will lose him and we wont get back together and do all the things we planned. Second fear he will move away and find someone else. Link to comment
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