imonlyhuman Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 It has been, I don't know, over 60 days of NC. I've been strong and I've been working on me and being happy. I've just gone on a few dates with a new girl... She emailed me tonight. She said, that I probably don't want to talk to her but her friend has a job opportunity for me. I don't want the job, and I don't particularly want to talk to her. I deleted the email permanently and I'm trying very hard to just let go and not email her back. A part of me wants to email her and say "Thanks, but no thanks. Please don't contact me unless you'd like to reconcile."... because I never did that at the beginning of NC, I went with disappearing without letting her know I was going NC. Should I? Or maybe it's just better if I don't email her at all...? ](*,) Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 don't do it. You're doing great. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Im not a NC-fanatic at all, but if I was in your shoes... I`d most likely not respond to this. It has no information in regard to your relationship so sit still. That will give her something to think about, and you can keep moving on... Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 You don't need her to get you a new job. Besides, the job might not even work out. So stick with NC since she is not a part of your life anymore. Link to comment
LittleRedBird Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I agree with all of the above posters, don't respond. Besides, you don't really want an ex doing you favors and then guilt tripping you to remain "friends" because they have helped you out in the past (with a job, etc.). Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 ok, i havent contacted her. email is gone. i noticed her address in my paypal account today, deleted that. thanks for the help everyone. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Anytime. Keep going my friend. Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 im still thinking about this. its stupid, i know. what if this was sort of her way of reaching out and testing the waters? its not just a "hi, how are you?". this was a job opportunity, working for one of her best friends. the job isn't important to me. in fact, my current bartending job has a new shift opening up that i will be taking. but what would be important to me is whether this could be that miniscule chance of re-connecting and getting back together. i know im being ridiculous in thinking that, but there's still that part of me that misses her and has hope. Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Don't read into it, she is looking for a response. Some sort of validation you still care. I don't know your break up, but your clearly want to move on in some way without her dragging you down. Not enough time has passed. Working for HER best friends, give her control of your position in a sense and validation that you want to respond/talk/exchange words. Don't do it..."It's a trap!" - Admiral Ackbar... BE STRONG! Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 i totally need an Ackbar sticker to place on my laptop, reminder. Link to comment
apple89 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 It has been, I don't know, over 60 days of NC. I've been strong and I've been working on me and being happy. I've just gone on a few dates with a new girl... She emailed me tonight. She said, that I probably don't want to talk to her but her friend has a job opportunity for me. I don't want the job, and I don't particularly want to talk to her. I deleted the email permanently and I'm trying very hard to just let go and not email her back. A part of me wants to email her and say "Thanks, but no thanks. Please don't contact me unless you'd like to reconcile."... because I never did that at the beginning of NC, I went with disappearing without letting her know I was going NC. Should I? Or maybe it's just better if I don't email her at all...? ](*,) im sorry to say this but what A STUPID email.. she's trying to get your attention.. what out of no where she now cares about you having a good job.. well hmm thanks for your help but no thank you.. i hope you didn't answer and keep it up with NC Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 im sorry to say this but what A STUPID email.. she's trying to get your attention.. what out of no where she now cares about you having a good job.. well hmm thanks for your help but no thank you.. i hope you didn't answer and keep it up with NC damn, i wish i read this right before i sent an email. i kept it real short. two sentences. i just felt weird not responding to something that seemed nice of her to do. "Hi, Thanks for thinking of me for that job, but I am not interested. I hope XX finds the right person for the position." now i feel like a * * * * * * * haha. its ok. no more stupid decisions on my part. Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 its funny, we all come here and ask for advice. and we get it. but our brains and hearts are just so... dumb, and we don't follow that advice. love is crazy. never thought i'd find it, and never thought it would make me so irrational and just plain stupid. Link to comment
apple89 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 its funny, we all come here and ask for advice. and we get it. but our brains and hearts are just so... dumb, and we don't follow that advice. love is crazy. never thought i'd find it, and never thought it would make me so irrational and just plain stupid. i totally feel you on this one.. i talk and preach about NC yet again i was STUPID enough to after 6 week of nc text my ex a dumb hey... nothing went bad all he wanted to know ws when i was gonna go back home (im away for school) and try to convince me to go this weekend..however doesn't matter.. i know that when it comes to the ex its like our weak spot.. and you know whats the right thing but you heart wants the opposite, i think thats what sucks the most about being heart broken.. the struggle between your head and your heart.. i think your response was awesome!!!.. really however when we are stupid enough to answer back we kinda always want a response back from them, and when we don't get it it just sucks and it kinda puts us back to day.. but if when we don't answer we feel good bc we feel like were on control of the situation by us choosing to not answer and leave THEM waiting.. thats why i always think ignoring is the best choice.. so we can feel like we have control.. and thats an awesome feeling.. remember.. "whoever cares less controls the relationship" Link to comment
Danny77 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 "Whoever cares less controls the relationship" what a sad sad thing to say. But so very true. One day maybe we'll meet someone that shares the control with us? Will that mean that we both don't care? Or maybe both will care but not take advantage of each others care? What a sad sad thing this is. Link to comment
nekoxchaos Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I'm glad you didn't take the job offer stick to NC, I was offered 2 jobs as well but the ex was starting to act distant and weird. If I took them then I would have just been dependent on him or give the oppurtunity for him to drop by whenever he wants to in my life . I was unemployed at that time and I sent out a lot of emails, there were times when I just wanted to break down and contact him but I'm glad I didn't because I managed to get something. But your response was pretty straight forward and you kept it short , I know I tried to ignore my ex but he kept texting for follow up until I said I was not interested in the job offers so don't beat yourself up over it at least you got your message accross. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 its funny, we all come here and ask for advice. and we get it. but our brains and hearts are just so... dumb, and we don't follow that advice. love is crazy. never thought i'd find it, and never thought it would make me so irrational and just plain stupid. ENA is not gonna live your life and make your decitions! You`re in total control of that yourself... Use the forum as am input-tool, get second opinions, think it over and then do what is right for you! Remember you are the expert on your relationship and have the details on it like noone else on here have. I think too many people, bc they are going through difficult times, cling to other peoples opinions about what to do. That is ok when the breakup is fresh, but you will at some point have to do the walking yourself. And I think that starts when you are making decitions for yourself without caring for what the person who left you will think about it... Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Just respond to her and say no i'm happy where I am thanks. If she initiates more of a conversation then you can decide to stay no contact. Personally a question like what she asked isn't really that big of a deal to go full on NC. If you respond and say no thanks will you feel any different then you do now? Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 yea, i did reply. it was very short. it's quoted in one of my previous posts. and i agree that people shouldnt just blindly follow any and all advice offered here. but the advice is still nice to have, to consider when making any decisions. and sometimes people want to do the dumbest of things and all the people from all the different camps, LC, NIC, NC, etc. are in agreement with NOOoOOooooOOoOOoOOOooo!!!!! i love it when that happens. i asked for advice. people offered their thoughts, i thought about it a lot. and then i decided to send my 2 sentence email because i dont like to just ignore someone's perhaps good intentions. i dont see it as black and white, completely right or wrong, but just what felt like i needed to do. and i totally agree that its pretty sad that not caring about the relationship puts you in control of it. Link to comment
apple89 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 i didn't mean that not cearing at all controls the relationship.. but whoever specially during a break up whoever has less emotional attachment controls it, because they have the reason taking control of themselves not their heart/emotions... therefore making smarter decisions and nor getting hurt Link to comment
irishgerry Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 my ex contacted me today after 28 days NC. she said i prob dont want to hear from her but she needed to say that her brothers wedding was great but she missed me at it. i replied because im at a good stage now where im practically over her. jsut kept it short. she sent another texts asking how my holiday was and i replied saying yeah had a great time thanks hope you're well. she may be feeling guilty and wanting to make herself feel better or she might regret her decision a month ago. either way im not reading too much in to it because im moving on. no problem in talking to your ex once you are moving on in my opinion. Link to comment
sadandalone Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I am not trying to be mean, but right now how I am feeling I really wish my ex would contact me.....sorry but I do Link to comment
mistojen Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 "Hi, Thanks for thinking of me for that job, but I am not interested. I hope XX finds the right person for the position." I think that is perfect. In fact, if I had gotten to this thread before you posted that, that's almost verbatim what I would have suggested you respond with if you were feeling uncomfortable about not responding to a potentially well-intended contact attempt. Nice work! my ex contacted me today after 28 days NC. she said i prob dont want to hear from her but she needed to say that her brothers wedding was great but she missed me at it. i replied because im at a good stage now where im practically over her. jsut kept it short. she sent another texts asking how my holiday was and i replied saying yeah had a great time thanks hope you're well. she may be feeling guilty and wanting to make herself feel better or she might regret her decision a month ago. either way im not reading too much in to it because im moving on. no problem in talking to your ex once you are moving on in my opinion. I'm in this boat. I only ended up doing like two weeks of NC, I think, before we started talking & hanging out consistently again. Part of the reason for that, I think, is that he'd gotten so distant the last two months of our relationship when we were still in it, that I had already started my healing process back then. But I agree, if you're moving on and are comfortable talking to your ex without the reason behind it being that you're secretly (or not-so-secretly) hoping you'll get back together, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with talking to/being friends with them. Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 yea, im not at that point. so i can't talk to or just be friends with my ex. congrats if people are there, im just not there yet. Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 I am not trying to be mean, but right now how I am feeling I really wish my ex would contact me.....sorry but I do you know, for some reason, as you linger and keep wishing for that to happen, it just won't. it seems to only happen when you have truly started on your journey to moving on. something in the air, the vibes you might be sending out in the vastness of space. its sick, i know. Link to comment
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