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I'm a typical 19 year old going through that "teen" phase...I need some wisdom!

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Hello everyone. I guess I'm the typical 19 year old college student....Sorry for the long post, hopefully someone out there went through what I am going through right now.


My parents are loving and everything, but I know I'm going through that "teen" phase. I just got done talking to my sister over the phone (she moved out and lives in california) and she just told me how it was when she was my age. She is currently 27 right now and her relationship with my parents are closer than before.


When my sister was 18/19, she would constantly fight with my parents because they would never let her out with her friends (not literally, but not enough as my sister would have liked). She then told me how she stopped talking to my parents for over 6 months when she was a teen, again on since she did not go out as much as she wanted to. Now she looks back, realizes the stupid actions she did, and how much she regretted doing it.


I'm going through that same thing.

Right "now", I hate my parents. It feels like they absolutely do not care about my social life. It seems they would rather have me sitting at home than having me going out /w friends. I can't even sleep over at a friend's house. At the moment, I want to move out...claim my "independency" from them...and be on my own, away from my parents.


But at the same time, I know that will result in a disaster. They pay for my tuition, give me clothes, feed me...but damn it, it feels like they don't care if I even have friends or not. My friends are going to places like Canada or staying the weekend at a cabin...not in a million years would my parents let me do that....unless of course if it was for academic reasons, but damn.....


I am 19 and am going to hit 20 in a few months... and it feels like they are treating me like a 12 year old. I don't act irresponsible OR immature.


Also: I don't fight with my parents, argue, or even done anything wrong. This has to be the teen phase because, right now, I just want to get the F@#$ out!....help

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Are these friends going on trips by themselves? do you work or do they pay for everything?


Yes they are going on trips by themselves, few of them have jobs.


I currently do not work, but would like to. My parents go by the "education first" way, they would never let me have a job during school. And yes, embarrassed to admit it, they do pay for everything.

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I can understand why your parents wouldn't want their 19 year old daughter going off on her own. That being said, you are an adult. But if you don't work they trip would have to be funded by your parents - and they have the right to say no.


do YOU want to go to school or would you rather have a job?

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My parents go by the "education first" way, they would never let me have a job during school. And yes, embarrassed to admit it, they do pay for everything.


So it is widsom you seek.


Okay, here you go.


My parents had the same philosophy when I was 19. They both had degrees and by goodness I was going to get a degree too. So they financed everything and, while I did build and restore furniture in a home based woodshop, I pretty much didn't work the entire time I was in college.


And you know what? If I could take my 41 year old tail back and have it that easy again, I would jump in with both feet.


They are doing all of this to you.....because they love you and want you to have an easier "go" of life than they had. Than others had or currently have.


They, in their wisdom, are enabling you to have it pretty darn easy.


But, if you truly hate them for doing so, then you aren't doing them any favors. Break the news to them that you are tired of it, you are chronologically an adult, and set out on your own.


Fair warning though. Life is hard.....and that is putting it lightly. I have a degree and work 56 hours a week to scrape by and make ends meet. I have a wife in nursing school, a son that adores the both of us, and I selfishly sacrifice any and all fun so that they can do things.


Camp for my son: 750.00. Tuition for her: 850.00. All stars baseball for him...another 100.00.


That is last week alone.


I want to go see Canada too. I want to see all sorts of things. Life and the responsibilities of life prevent me from having any fun whatsoever. In your case, you see your parents preventing tha fun.


You ever ask your sister if your parents steered her right? What is her opinion on it all?


Life is about balance. Surely you and your parents can come to some sort of compromise. Like you work a side job and put all that cash in a fund and then one summer you take a trip somewhere.


They may still see you as their baby...their innocent little one that they are clinging to with all their might. It's hard to watch your babies grow up. Joy and pain at the same time.


I doubt that you truly hate them. But if you do, it may be time to leave the nest and do as you wish.


Careful what you wish for....you just might get it.

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You're not going to like hearing it, but your parents are right.


Your friends aren't going to last forever. Your social life is not going to get you a job or pay off your car or your house. Parties and backpacking around a different country are not going to get you a promotion.


One day when you're older you'll look back and struggle to remember your old friend's names. When that time comes, do you want to be living in your own home because you worked hard at your studies, or living in a sharehouse and working at McDonald's because you cared more about going to the hottest parties.


Your friends have a place in your life, but it's not first place. It's not even second. Their place is after your family and your future.

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  • 1 month later...

that sucks man, my parents did the same thing to me when i was in high school, I would consider getting a decent job, convince your parent your losing time from gaining experience in the real world, college is definitely good education to get a better job, but your not out in society dealing with every day life. Plus, once your done with college, the better chance you'll be employed.


Or if your really desperate to get out the house, maybe start volunteering in projects for your community. Its a start. It help me alot to get out the house, eventually the people you meet there well invite to events and maybe your parent will give in. Then slowly maybe your parent well let you go out with your real friends. haha It worked for me. I'm 19 too, and dealing with the similar situation at time moment. I have one year left of college, then I'll be joining the military, hopefully.

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hey. im eighteen, sort of going through a similar thing. its hard for me to talk about because its SOO painful. remembering the details makes me have anxiety attack/hyperventilate.


Throughout high school i had an extremely limited social life. Counting up the time I was grounded, it literally totaled over two years. I wouldn't be grounded for having fights - im a submissive person and never have fights with anyone - or for doing anything bad like sneaking out, but for grades. I was expected to have straight As all the time. Friends would invite me to things but I could never go, either because I was grounded or because my parents would never let me do anything like go to a party. being a girl, i was expected to cook, clean, help raise my younger siblings, and always be aware of responsibilities, as well as providing emotional support for my parents. Fun and friends were regarded as a privilege to be earned, and on the off chance i did get to do something fun, i was made perfecly aware of what a favor my parents were doing for me and how much of a pain i was being asking this of them. i was never allowed to get a job or a driverse license, despite the fact that there was a total double standard and my brothers with lower grades would be grounded for way less time or not at all and hung out with friends every weekend and both got their licenses before me.


i went through a lot of depression, and developed eating disorders and got really sick. Howeer, at the end of my senior year of high school i put in a collosal effort to be a good daughter. i did everything my parents could possibly ask and was there all the time for them. i really began to believe that things could be good in my family if i worked hard enough. But then i guess i got too comfortable, because i thought i was giving so much, my parents couldn't possibly mind if i had a little fun. so after prom i drank for the first time in my life. i was found out a week later; some friends whod promised not to do so told my parents.


my parents did not forgive me. they told me everything id done that was good was a lie. they told me i wasn't welcom in the house anymore, that i couldn't talk to my siblings because i might corrupt them, that they hated the thought that i was going to go away to school and find myself and move on and be happy even though I'd told a wound in my family. That hurt so badly; it haunts me whenever i start to be happy.


my parents decided to send me away to different relatives and while they were preparing, thery would yell at me all the time to vent their feelings of betrayal. One day I just couldn't deal with it. I didn't fight bac because i couldn't but i had to do something or i was going to explode i felt. I would have run away if i could have made my feet move in that direct, but i couldn't. so i walked into my bathroom, took a razon and broke it open, removing three blades. i climbed into the shower fully clothed and turned on the hot water and sat there for over an hour trying to slit my wrists but i just couldn't get deep enough. my skin was starting to turn blue when i had to give up at last. i still have the scars.


now i don't live with my parents. they pay tuition but nothing else. i have no money, no driverse license or car, and while friends are really supportive they cannot help. i tried to get a job this summer and couldn't. i am depressed and lonely and trying to fight it. i miss my siblings all the time and am so sad. im not angry at my parents at all mostly blame myself but i know even if they gave me one more chance id still mess up eventually and be sent away again.


i dont know if this is helpful in any way. You should really appreciate and hold on to your family; on the other hand, families can also really hurt each other.

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