sherryberrypie Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Something went awry with student loans (long story) and although I am still a student, they are taking money from my account each month. This is money that should be going to next semesters' tuition, so it's a total gong-show. I'm working, bf is working, we've scaled down but it's just never quite enough. My question is, if someone (in this case, my SO's mom) offered to pay your tuition, would you accept? I'm torn. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Perhaps you could let her do this kind deed and pay her back at a later time when you are better financially. Link to comment
allsunny Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 if she's sincerely offering, I would take it. But, promise her that once you get on your feet again, you would pay her back. Don't be dependent on her help. Keep in mind that this is only a one time offer, and that you should continue to cut back on some spending, and get two jobs in the summer, if you don't go to summer school. If you really are struggling, considering joining ROTC or joining the national guard or reserves. They will pay your tuition and help you with books etc. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I would talk to the student loan people and ask what the issue is. It could be an error, or if you took a break from school, maybe it started deducting. Also, some student loans require no payment until you graduate, but some take out interest-only payments. Get the facts and get that settled. I would never accept a significant other's parents to pay for your schooling. It beholdens you to them. And let's say you broke up, etc., then you would have a debt to an ex's parents hanging over your head. I am not saying you will break up. Also, it feels better to do something on your own. Believe me. I would consider going part time before I'd consider letting them give you money. But I would contact the loan people first or also try to apply for scholarships. They do exist for people who have had a great first year, etc Link to comment
sherryberrypie Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 She loves to help in any way she can. She didn't have a career with decent pay until a few years ago, so she's loving being able to support her kids (and by extension--their SO's.) It makes her happy and she said it wouldn't be a loan, but it's hard to accept that there would be no strings attached. She's mom--she just wants to see all of her kids happy. I have a full time job and a part time job (that is unfortunately on hiatus right now) so I can't really take another job because I'm holding out for the part time job to start-- it's one that's relevant to my career field. We're doing okay right now, but there are some big expenses looming: The current goals are my dental work, new glasses for him, and a full year of car insurance for both cars. Both of us need our cars daily, unfortunately, and we're really hoping to be able to just pay it all off at once and avoid monthly (and more expensive) payments. I work at 6 am and buses don't start until 7:30 here, and he works outside of a transit route...definitely need our cars. I've talked their ears off. I really don't get why they can't accept the form now, but I've been told several times that I'm out of luck. I've gotten scholarships and bursaries in the past, but the opportunities have pretty much dried up. I still apply for a few on the off-chance, but even with A's, in my field, there really isn't much, which is too bad. I'm not worried about owing her or us breaking up. Not going to go into details there. It definitely feels better to do things on your own-- I agree. We're all just eager for me to finish school and not have to deal with tuition, having to find a new job every summer, etc... going part time would delay that, so I guess that's why she offered. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Sit and figure. Do you have a real life plan for paying her back? What are her terms? Can you meet them or exceed them - for sure? If she is offering it as a gift, I think that would be a bad idea, personally. What kind of person is she - what do you know of her history with dealing with money and personal loans like this? Could you live with it if it causes a rift somehow? What kind of relationship do you have with her? What are your other options? Turning to other family members? Money stashed away? Selling stuff? Talking to your loan people, the school? Cutting back on school if you have to until you can figure this out and afford it? Other options? Weigh the pros and cons of all the options. Sometimes a person is stuck, desperate. But sometimes we think we are desperate and we aren't really. Sometimes its not a problem that more money solves, but a way we are managing. It's worth considering, sometimes management tweaks take you further. I think it is almost always better to not take money from family and friends and the like if you can at all help it. But if you do go that direction go in with eyes wide open. And set up the payment plan before you even take a cent. If you do it well, you can build a trust with that person that will take you a lot further than the immediate. But you have to be clear and punctual as hell. One day she could end being your mother in law! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 She likes to help - then have her help out in another way, such as helping out with a bill that also benefits her son, such as picking up the tab on his car insurance so he can contribute more money to bills so you can focus on school, etc. She may be "being mom" but she's not YOUR mom. You are not married at this point. I know it looks like a sweet deal - but no matter how nice she is, I advise you against it. Link to comment
sherryberrypie Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 She is my MIL for all intents and purposes. We're really close. However, I have my doubts and money can really create problems so I think we are just going to keep on saving--or trying to-- and see how things go. Still have 3 more months until the new semester anyways, maybe I can work full time and go to school part time like I used to. It just takes a frustratingly long time to get finished Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Is there anyway if you accepted her money you guys could get something in writing to make you both feel better? I have a hard time accepting gifts like this as well but I know tuition is expensive. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Definitely take the help. It's not like you're not doing all you can for yourself. BUT, only if you really think you and he have a future. Otherwise, if you split, it could get a little ugly. Link to comment
OrangeSlice Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 If someone were to offer me financial aid, and I knew who they were, I would accept it. Link to comment
sherryberrypie Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 You guys are gonna go jinxing my relationship! Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Unless I was the mother of her grandchildren, I don't think I'd accept it. There's just too many things that could go wrong wtih that scenario. Link to comment
petite Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I would not accept money from a boyfriend or even fiances parents, husband maybe, and maybe if we had children - big maybe. Too many problems can come from it and I'd rather deal with my financial problems without involving future-in-laws. They aren't "family" yet, and even when the time comes for that I'd be weary because it can put a strain on the relationship, regardless what might be in writing. I've seen so many similar situations go really sour that I would not risk it. Link to comment
Ascending Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 If she doesn't need it, yeah, I'd take it. It'll help, and you wouldn't be rejecting her help as I'm sure she'd be glad to help. I'd owe her back eventually. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I'd have said no way at your age. Now I think differently. This lady thinks the world of you and has all faith you will repay her when you are able. Take the money, that's my vote. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 I would make this less about future MIL's money and more about actively resolving the student loan issue. I wouldn't settle for thinking of this in 'for some reason' terms--I'd get in there and uncover exactly what happened and why, and what I must do to fix it. I'd bring my best 'kind but tenacious' self into the loan office every single day until I had answers and a course of corrective action. If I'm not assertive enough to get my own financial affairs resolved, then what would make me believe that I'd do any better at handling a debt owed to a loved one--which could potentially drive a wedge in my relationship with her or with my fiance over time? Link to comment
sherryberrypie Posted June 4, 2011 Author Share Posted June 4, 2011 I think you're misreading this catfeeder. Their policy is that they cannot accept the "active student" form in between semesters. I could send them forms every day, but they wouldn't be able to do anything with them. The real bummer is that my payments from May-Sept equal enough money for a full semester's tuition. The loan office is accross Canada, otherwise that would be a possibility. Anyway, SO thinks it's a good idea. I talked about it a bit with two girlfriends and decided that I'll just wait and see where we're at in September when the time comes to pay for everything. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I think you're misreading this catfeeder. Their policy is that they cannot accept the "active student" form in between semesters. I could send them forms every day, but they wouldn't be able to do anything with them. The real bummer is that my payments from May-Sept equal enough money for a full semester's tuition. The loan office is accross Canada, otherwise that would be a possibility. Anyway, SO thinks it's a good idea. I talked about it a bit with two girlfriends and decided that I'll just wait and see where we're at in September when the time comes to pay for everything. Then call them by phone. But either way, it is very normal for a full time student to not attend classes over the summer - even so, you may find a live person who understands your predicament and even if you cannot file an active student form, since its only a couple months from september, they can help get the ball rolling or advocate for you. Even if they are at your school's counseling/curriculm/student aid office and not where th loan originates. It sounds like a glitch to me. Maybe something on their end was misfiled putting you on leave. I would not follow the advice of girlfriends in this situation unless they are financial aid advisors for the school. Don't wait until september to 'see where things are' - keep on it. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 I wouldn't accept money from my boyfriend's parents. But I would accept money from my own LOL. I agree with Petite that it can get messy since you are not married to him yet, and because they are not really your parents. I had a friend in a similar situation, and she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend early last year. Maybe accept the help, with a plan to pay the parents back when you can. I don't know it's difficult in this situation because they aren't truly your family. I'm a big proponent of receiving help and support from family, but not so much from people that didn't birth me. My dad paid about 90% of my education, and I took on the remaining amount, but if my bf's parents would have offered I wouldn't have felt comfortable even though I really enjoy his parents, it just wouldn't feel right. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 She sounds like a lovely woman who is just delighted that her son has found such a sweet woman to love. Of course she want to help. After all, helping you is also helping her son. The sooner you graduate the sooner the big bucks roll in... I would accept the money as a last resort. If that turns out to happen I would set up a payment plan before the money actually changes hands. Good for you for working toward your dream. Link to comment
pinkbriefcase Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 are you kidding me? Of course? That help is from GOD..GOD is using that person to bless you. Keep on keeping on... Link to comment
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