This is a must read for women 8 week challenge New Enlightenment. (men too tho)

[Lostmysoulmate]

This is absolute must read book for Women. This may help men too. I am reading the 8 week challenge book for women. "Getting to "I do"" by Dr. Patricia Allen. Thank you to the person who recommended it here. Ladies, this cost me $5 including shipping on amazon. It is priceless! You will want to read this. It is so beneficial. I have learned so much from being at only chapter 3 and realized a lot and may now be able to save my awesome 4 year relationship that had its bad moments and nwo i know why for so many of them. I know this post is long but this is a letter i wrote for my ex when he is ready to speak to me i will give it. he may have closed the door now though because of who he is. This book is just so amazing.

 

Here is a look into my most intimate self and inside myself and completely open and honest wiht myself and himself and now everyone reading this. I believe it will help a lot of people reading this book. if not with current relationship, a future better one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"During the break up, as always I spend time thinking about things to learn from and correct if I need to on my part. I am reading a book. It is fascinating.

 

The book makes me realize a lot of things.

 

For instance I am a female energy, I need my feelings cherished. I am the feminine side, I will be more family and love oriented. If I have a career, I will put it aside for my family. I am not after success, money, and I love myself at the same time. If I do not want to go somewhere on hobby because I do not like it, I just you go. Time, love, cherishing is important ot me. The man I am am with HAS to be masculine energy or it willl not work. Being feminine does nto make me weak. It is just who I am born to be and shows what is important to make me happy.

 

You are naturally masculine, HOWEVER; when I first met you, you were narcisstic, as you still are a little bit, but being with me actually did bring out your true side, which is masculine, you like to do thing for yourself and at the same time do things for me, such as change my tire, show me how to do something, and even if I know something already, i need to show you respect by listening to you and I didnt always do that, I argued such as with cooking, you need to feel like you are showing me and that is okay. That is area i need to become more feminine. Naturally when I show you respect and you feel I have listened to your ideas and you are leading that I will be given what i need. In the beginning, however; you were both. You wanted everything. You were male and female. This is because of your mother believe it or not. At age 5, they need to let you do things for yourself and she didnt. She was still mothering you all the way up until i came around. And that started a fight because I broke that and she attacked me for it. She was unhealthy in that aspect. In the book it refers to you as being that "little boy" and that is why you were not there for me when my grandfather died. You cast aside my feelings and went and did what you wanted to do but when your uncle died you wanted me to be there for you. Now w hen i show you and tell you that i am uncomfortable with your drinking and smoking, you usually reciprocate UNTIL you think I am nagging and then you feel controlled and not respected and then push me away.

 

and when you do that i feel like i am unwanted and my feelings are not cherished.

 

And when i do things like put up with what you give out, then you lose respect for me also and will not cherish me and slip away in the giving department and will even find me sexually unattractive.

 

Now here is where we have been fighting. Both of us cannot be masculine or feminine. We have to stay in our roles. When we switch, it will bring a fight. For instance, when you were in the kitchen and try to teach me things, and instead i fought you on it, we were both being masculine. I needed to step back and become feminine and make you feel respected. that your ideas were respected. I was making you feel like i was smarter than you and that was something i didnt understand before.

 

Or when you give me something, sometimes i would give more than you and then you would stop giving to me and i would get upset, because i took the masculine role and then you went to feminine and since i am naturally a feminine energy, then it would clash with me and we would fight.

 

Or when you you wanted to be masculine yet made me drive to your house to see you all the time or pay for my things constantly, or want me to chase you and come to you. This is narcisstic because you want to be the male and the female energy. since you are naturally masculine, you enjoy the chase of me, you cant want to have your feelings validated and cherished by having me chase you. That is also making me switch from feminine to masculine and that is against my true energy. There is two feminine energies together and that doesnt match.

 

There are parts of us that we will be more masculine and feminine in and each of needs to work on them to become more our natural selves to do less fighting and happy. Like those two months we were.

 

A huge part of your narcissism has grown away because of being with me. That is why you feel so right. Because it is the right you. now i recognize some times where i was "mothering" you and made you feel like i was your mother and we fought. Masculine men do not want that. Feminine men do. That is not naturally who you are.

 

The reason you wanted to propose so bad to me was because a lot of me was happy. You were giving to me and in turn that made me respect you and you felt that way. You were doing the masculine energy, your real self. i knew it all along but i never knew why i knew it. Now reading this book i know what i used to know. When I say my stephen, it is because you are the real me with me. and i was correct. u are naturally who you were born to be with me.

 

When your mom said something about me paying the bills it messed with your head. She was messing with you and who you are. Your masculine side wanted to help me because that is who you were born to be but you went to being narcisstic because your mom raised you that way. She didnt let you be your own man until you finally decided when you met me you would be. and it confused the hell out of you. that grasp she had on you. it was all you ever knew and assumed to be right. It wasnt. I also learned that your dad lost your mom because she wouldnt stop mothering you. It drives the man away. He is left unrespected and in this book it said it tends to drive a man to drink and then the woman cheats because the man stops cherishing her because he stops being respected because she is busy mothering and not loving herself. When you mother your children after age 5, it means you give yourself and lose your womanhood. You give everything to them and stop caring about yourself. Sound familiar? that is why you had a problem with addiction. she was huge enabler. She bailed you out. She hid things for you. She got you out of trouble. She mothered you. And never allowed you to grow to be your own man. And in the process, she herself also was hurting herself. she was very unhealthy and should have seeked a therapist. She put you first, not her, she abused herself by allowing herself to be hurt by you constantly. She didnt respect or love herself enough to say No i wont do this. It doesnt feel good. and you need to do it instead.

 

This is how both sides are responsible for a relationship falling apart. There is no you or me. it was us. it was them. putting the blame on you is not fair. I didnt realize some of the things i was doing. Instead of loving myself, i put up with things you did and i should have walked away, forcing you to grow. When i stopped putting up with it, it confused you and angered you and you ran. also the more masculine i acted, the more you pulled away.

 

That is why sometimes you feel like you are not good enough or have what i want. We need to stay in our roles or who we are and not cross those lines.

 

There are masculine energy women out there. very career oriented and they want to be in charge and need a feminine male and there are also those out there. They want their feelings cherished and loved. They are ones who want you to ask them out and want you to work while htey are stay at home mom and they are the ones that want you to be the caretaker. This is why kent and i did not work at all. He is naturally a feminine energy and i am too. this is why you and christina didnt work. She is naturally a masculine energy and you are too. when i said you were both female and male and i liked that and so am i, we used to clash, because we were both narcisstic. we were trying to be both. It doesnt work. There has to be one fem and one masculine. No wonder the two of us get confused at many different times. now you are and i have begun to transition and be our true selves. i am the feminine and you are the masculine. it does work i can look back and see, i also can see now the fights we had many times was because of us crossed that line. like me in the kitchen. I was being narcisstic. I wanted to be RESPECTED at the time and Cherish my feelings too wihtout looking at your side. I made you feel disrespected when i crossed to masculine side. I cant be in control of things and stay feminine and then i confuse you because you are being masculine.

 

When i did my test i scored 10/15 as feminine answers. 5 were either masculine or narcisstic, i think i had one narcisstic because i didnt like any of the answers they didnt fit me so i picked one and it came out that way. there was one about asking money and i didnt take the feminine route. i wanted to control the money in the question. that was one they said i had to work at being more feminine. lol.

 

now i did read a part that i accept but scares me too, and makes me very sad, it says "the sad thing is once a masculine man leaves, they tend to slam the door closed on intimacy with the woman they just left, they can be friends agian but rarely lovers. That is the part of you that you were talking about where you can walk away and shut it and not look back. there is nothign wrong with you, you are just a masculine energy. Being around the women in your life, probably confused you and suppressed your truth self.

 

You are very giving and put your girl before yourself. That is actually part of the masculine energy it says in this book. AND remember one time you said i dont care about you as much because i put myself first i love myself first, that is the Feminine part of me. I love myself first. That is my role. that is part of being a feminine energy. fascinating isnt it?? here it was just us being our true selves. there was nothing wrong with us. And we match too. lol. we complement each other. that is how it should be. that is why people the same dont usually match. i am going to bet the couple is either masculine or feminine and not one of each. This is also why the happy couples we see whether gay or straight, usually have a feminine and masculine and are happy. they assume their roles, whoever it is. they complement each other. that is why you and i could be so happy. that is why you are a great lover in bed. you are born for it. you are a masculine energy. you feel respected and feel good when i feel good. i give myself to you and you are in control and thats when we make love.

 

i love the quote on the book "Nothing short of miraculous" from a reviewer. That is so true.

 

Equality in a relationship doesnt work believe it or not. With our energies you need to be above me and be in control. When you keep your wants and dont compromise with the drinking to make me happy, you are being narcisstic. you are being a female and male energy. it doesnt work. and leaves me feeling uncherished and that my feelings dont matter and then i want to leave. That is why when you do it without me nagging YOU feel good about it, but the minute i start to nag and push you feel controlled. it is your natural energy to want to do it for us, so i can be happy and give to me. this works for you. And this is when you have to realize this and tell other people to leave you alone when they say you are being controlled and cut the cord.

 

That is why YOU dont feel right when you do it. I am perfect for you. I make you better like i am supposed to. i bring out your good side. We have to work on being our true selves though and not cross the line. I have to be more feminine in some ways and you masculine in others.

 

there is a part that says about a man being feminine you know and he is happy with a masculine woman. The one is in control and he loves it and is completely happy and his friends terrrorize him calling him the wimp and whipped. and he simply tells them to shh or ignores them because he is happy. This is an example of what i just mentioned from the other side. He is a naturally FEMALE energy and matched up with a masculine woman. And is happy because they are being themselves and complement each other. a ying and yang. I hope this all makes sense. This is why when your friends or family push you around you need to tell them to shut up and tha tyou are happy and it works for you or just ignore them. Because we worked. It may not work for them. I was not controlling you. You were giving your time, your sex, your gifts, you cherished my feelings and put me first BECAUSE YOU ARE MASCUline energy. Not feminine energy and it worked with me because i am feminine energy.

 

I was happy being narcisstic and so were you. Both narcisstics end up alone. they cant match with anyone and wont budge. However you and i are growing. we have been. and working on us. That is why i no longer want to just take care of a lot for myself. You were there to help me. I thought i was getting lazy and weak and angered myself and it wasnt the case. i was just taking the natural role i was born into.

 

This author has helped 1000s of couples save their marriages or find someone to be happy by having people go to these seminars and listen. this is what i am reading. it has made me realize so much and i am only on third chapter!

 

 

Now however, I am not happy living in the state. I would feel more comfortable and happier elsewhere. In masculine energy, you would hear my feelings and would move with me (like you used to) because you are the giving energy. You wanted to because it would have made you happy making me happy. Now if you got a job offer somewhere and relocated in your career i would follow. This is where i put in my feminine energy and allow you to be masculine. If we were to marry and i had a career but wanted children, i would put aside my career and you would be the bacon maker and i would raise the family. that is who we are. Sometimes I have a hard time not being masculine in some points and in most i do a great job being feminine now. before i was too much masculine with my feminine.

 

I cant let a man call me and then make the plans and such and keep calling him because i went from feminine to masculine and he was masculine. does this make sense?

 

That is why if we break up you like chasing me. it is your masculine side. When you fight that side, notice how we fight and you are not sure why? or what about me in the kitchen when you try to teach me something. i am fighitng my feminine role and then not realizing why we were fighting. i caused it. you knew it but couldnt explain it. i knew the times but couldnt explain it. this does explain it all quite clear actually. And makes perfect sense. and it does it without making me or you feel bad. we just are who we are and need to be that way.

 

I am going to let you come to me. That is my natural side. I did too much giving (chasing) to you. and then i didnt get what i wanted. i confused you by being masculine. I want to send this today but i am going to wait. I read that a man takes 4 weeks of denial and will just go out with friends, etc. until his left lobe of brain kicks in 6-8 weeks and his feelings side kicks in with his logic. sound familiar? when we left last this is exactly what happened. right now we are approaching week 3. that is why they say two months after break up of no contact. Gives time to think without interference. That is why ultimately you did come to me and did know it was the right decision. that was the right part of you thinking.

"

[Lostmysoulmate]

good book. has helped a lot.