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Lowest of the low....you can believe what my ex just did


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As some of you may know, my Dad is close to death from stomach cancer. Believe it or not, this has allowed me to not respond to my ex's calls. He even appeared at my work (a bank) about 3 weeks ago. Thankfully, I was at an offsite meeting. A fellow worker informed him about my father's illness.

 

You wont believe what happened today. I was by my fathers bedside and my ex called. So I called him back when I got home. Dont ask me why, just having a rough day- we spoke for about 45 minutes. He asked to take me out to make me feel better. So I asked when. He said how about a movie or drink tonight?

 

So I showered and got ready before going to the hospital in the eveneing. My dad was so out of it tonight, and he was vomiting everywhere and was on way too much morphine. And still in so much pain.

 

Anyway I got home and called the ex just as I said I would between 7& 8pm. He said "ahhhh, well I've made plans to go to a birthday party...Im just about to pull into a house." "Ohhh was our plan for tonight?"

Like for real....so I said "Have fun with your condoms!" I caught him with them about a month and a half ago. Then he hung up on me!!

So I texted him"lose my number and never speak to me again."

 

Like what the Fk?

 

That my friends is a narcissist at his very best!

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I cannot believe I fell for it. He baited me. He just wanted to get the gossip about my crappy life and my dad and he just wanted to see if I would say yes to going out. And like an idiot, I fell for it.

Some people are heartless. I told him I could do something, but had to stay at my mom's place because if she gets "the call" from the hopital that my dad has died, she would have an anxiety attack and would need me close by.

 

Like for real...he knew this and still went through checking to see if I would still be a narcissitic supply!

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Why are you choosing to stay in touch with him? He seems to only cause you un-necessary pain and drama. I'm not saying his behaviour is right, but this can't be the first time since your break up that he has been inconsiderate, and ultimately it's your choice who you allow in your life. You don't need that.

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Being a bonifide daddy's girl,i'd say concentrate more on your dad,he should be your priority because he really needs you,and your prayers. Not this loser,your dad's illness should let you know how much life is short and not to wasting precious time. In the end what matters are the people in your life whom you care about,and care about you in return. Like I said,your dad during this time needs you,not this clown.

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How exactly did that second call go, Sad? Can you give a blow-by-blow of the call?

 

I can't remember the details about your breakup (I was in a pretty back accident several months ago and been awhile for awhile, so I'd have to go way back for a refresher), but it doesn't sound to me like he's a true narcissist - self-absorbed, ADD, thoughtless, yes. I don't want to pass judgment on his behavior until I'm able to "hear" what was actually said.

 

Misunderstandings like this aren't unusual - a cut in the sound, a distraction so not every word is caught or processed happens every day. I find it hard to believe that somebody would track you down, show up at your place of employment, just for an ego boost/narcissistic rush. Why go out of his way to reach out to you when there's a world full of unsuspecting women out there?

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Autumn,

He called me again at about 10:30 pm. He said he thought I was going to have to stay close to my mom because the hospital could make the "final call" at any moment. So I couldnt go out. My parents house is actually only about 15 minutes from his house.

He said he just wanted to call me and tell me that and not further upset me and that he would rather be with me instead of his friend. Who knows with this guy?

 

Anyway, after he cancelled on me initially, I parked my car incorrectly and ended up scratching the back bumper with the door...because I was so upset.

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Sad, he is lying. He knows he set up the date with you and just decided to cancel. I really hope you don't fall for his "misunderstanding bs" Get the hell away from him and block his number once and for all. He is never going to give you what you THINK you want or need. He is incapable. Try to work on yourself my friend and figure out why you are still pining after someone that treats you so badly. There lies the answer to ending this. It's really not about him anymore, it's about you figuring out why you are putting up with this. That's when it will end. Hugs

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Lnl, I was about to PM you because now I have a whole new repect for what you have had to endure.

It is so brutal having these ex's pop in and out of your life when you have other tragedies going on. I was doing so well, but weakened with my NC

Because of my Dad. I really just wanted my ex to redeem himself and make some kind of acknowledgement towards my Dad.

He knows my dad and mom very well. He was at every occasion : birthdays, long weekends, christmas, ny with my family.

It killed me that he had not even called me or my mom, or visited my dad in the hospital.

 

So when he called yesterday, I just wanted him to redeem himself. Send a card, whatever. When he asked to take me out to get my mind

Off things, I didn't hate him. I was pleased that he was showing some decency. Now this??

 

Lnl, it is just like when your dad died and you ex went on a plenty of fish date.

 

This whole turn of events is making me crazy!!! I feel like god has cursed me. I got to bed with my hands shaking and my teeth chattering, and wake up the same.

And I am embarassed to ADMIT....for the few hours I thought I had a plan to go for a drink, I felt so much better.

 

Now I feel worse than ever!!

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I know sad, but you felt better because he is like a drug to you. You were going to get a hit if ya know what I mean. This jerk gives you just enough to keep you addicted but never enough. You are always left wanting more. Very, very bad for you emotionally and it will destroy you if you don't cut it off for good. Please block that aholes number and give him no way to contact you. This really is a matter of life and death for you.

 

You have so much going on in your life right now that this is just too much for any one person to handle. I went through the same thing in December sweetie. You got to save yourself. Hugs

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Ha...thanks LNL.....and, just like you after the idiot cancelled on me, I parked my car in my moms garage, did not go in close enough and the automatic garage door did a scratch job on my rear bumper! Didnt you damage your car after an incident after your ex?? I hear you, but part of forgiving is to not hate the person. If he had just made some sort of effort with my parents or me during this time, I could move on more easily. I was so disturbed by his lack of empathy....although shouldnt be given his selfishness.

 

How did he pick the few days my father is on his death bed to do this? Really LNL, most of us have some strenght to do NC. But when it is combined with a death of a parent it is so hard. When you kept thinking of going back to your ex during all your other events, I just didnt understand why you went back for more. Now I understand.

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Ha...thanks LNL.....and, just like you after the idiot cancelled on me, I parked my car in my moms garage, did not go in close enough and the automatic garage door did a scratch job on my rear bumper! Didnt you damage your car after an incident after your ex?? I hear you, but part of forgiving is to not hate the person. If he had just made some sort of effort with my parents or me during this time, I could move on more easily. I was so disturbed by his lack of empathy....although shouldnt be given his selfishness.

 

I don't want to admit it but i totalled 3 cars last year due to my ex driving (no pun intended) me crazy emotionally. You have to get away from him. You can forgive later. I was right where your at now in December when my dad died. I thought just like you are thinking and she acted just like your ex. I know you just wanted some comfort but guess what..he is not going to give it to you....ever....

 

Time to cut this one loose...

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Wow, I just want to say his behaviour really reminds me of the last guy I was involved with. I could never determine if he was really that thoughtless or if he was taking some kind of sadistic pleasure in ramping up my expectations just to wilfully dash them off later and pass it off as a "misunderstanding" or "I forgot." The latter is definitely an N type of behaviour, and I did suspect my ex was one.

 

He only let me get away from him recently because he could sense I had emotionally disconnected from him - no "supply"

 

I agree with Live-N-Learn, he is lying - he remembered the date. This just shows he is SUPER toxic, probably dangerous - you should get far away from him!

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  • 1 month later...

Sadchick how are you doing? I haven't been on ENA for many months now. I checked in to see if you had posted anything and discovered the information about your father. I am so sorry. Please give us an update. How are both you and your Dad doing? I'd ask you about the EX but am afraid he's still up to his old games. Hope you're okay.

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Hi Shandi,

 

My Dad passed away at the end of April. It was numbing to go through a difficult break up then the death of my father. My ex showed his true colours, though. All he sent me was a one line text with spelling/grammatical errors mentioning he didn't know what to say.

 

He then started to call / text /leave messages on all of my phones-work, work cell, cell asking for me to return his tennis racket. He actually got mean at the end saying he "didnt want to see me, he just wanted his racket back."

 

Anyway, like a true Narcissist, he showed no emotion and acted inappropriately. He lived in my Dad's house for free for 8 months, spent Christmas, drank my Dad's beer, spent every weekend in the summer at my parent's summer home, my Dad was his first client for his reno business, and always made us special dinners when we came in late.

 

The ex never called, never called my Mom, did not send a card or show up for the visitation. He DID start harassing me for this tennis racket relentlessly a few days after my Dad died and stopped about a week ago. He never asked how I was feeling, or how my Mom was doing.

 

On the bright side, I did find out who my true friends are. Even people at my work, a few people who I don't really get along with really came through and supported me. Many ex bf's have called, invited me out, helped my Mom with stuff around her house etc.

 

In my opinion the ex was raised by "barn animals."

 

Anyway, how are you doing?????

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