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Do women ever compare their BF/Husband with past sexual partner


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I'll tell you how guys feel. They want to be the best in the eyes of their partners. Sexually, I mean. It is not enough for the woman to say "Oh my ex was much better in bed but I married you anyway". That makes the guy feel as if she settled for this boring guy when she understood that the player stud wouldn't settle down with her.

 

But my point was: this is like a woman who wants to be the prettiest and hottest her husband has ever been with. She's eternally jealous of that gorgeous woman he dated in college even though the relationship was meaningless and the sex wasn't that great. And she's also jealous of every beautiful woman she catches her husband checking out on the street.

Do you see how pointless this is? Jealousy can really sour a relationship. At a certain point the insecurity itself becomes unattractive.

 

Also, sex is a skill people can get better at over time. Which is why I'd encourage you to talk about it. What does she like, what does she dislike. If my new lovers are willing to explore I can tell them some of my favorite techniques or activities and learn some of their favorite techniques and the new sex can be even more amazing. But both partners have to be open to feedback and new ideas for this to work.

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DavidA, good you came back to update after 9 years. Thanks for this enlightenment.  

I'll tell you how guys feel. They want to be the best in the eyes of their partners. Sexually, I mean. It is not enough for the woman to say "Oh my ex was much better in bed but I married you anyway". That makes the guy feel as if she settled for this boring guy when she understood that the player stud wouldn't settle down with her. This guy is the safe guy who would never excite her sexually. But that doesn't matter as long as he has a good job, has kids with her, pays her bills and so on. In short, he is just a means to an end.

 

Mostly I guess this is where the insecurity comes from.

 

Not all of us 'settle' as you say though. You also have to account for love and the fact that while some of us are sexual beings, its not everyting. Sure, an ex can be better in bed but that doesn't mean her current partner doesn't excite her sexually or can't get her over. You don't know in what capacity her ex is better than you - could be he's the 'she gets her before I get mine' type.

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I don't really compare, to be honest. It doesn't come up in my mind. Nor do I really care about my partner's exes. As long as they are over them, I don't care.

 

Jealousy really stinks. I agree with Sparkly Eyes - they are with YOU and that tells you something. If their ex was so great, then why did they break up and move on? Hmm?

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  • 9 years later...
On 4/8/2011 at 11:19 AM, Ariel85 said:

Your GF has a very good point, though. Hot, crazy, wild sex is one thing - and will make a guy stand out. BUT, if we're in love with you, it's a whole different game.

This is kinda gross and backward though- why wouldn’t the woman want this with a husband? Why wouldn’t he be number one? I could see if it was solely the guy that created it, but studies show women do more with men they perceive to be more attractive. You would think a caring wife would instruct her husband on how to make it that way for her again, and wanna make it crazy for the guy she is going to be with ideally forever. My wife had an affair when married to her ex, and that guy texted, with full swagger, about how torrid it was. Women don’t realize how much this means to a man, just like women like flowers more than men. I asked her “why aren’t we this way? and she did say some of it is on me and “it’s different in love”.  I get being tender sometimes vs rougher, but Ariel85’s comment really makes me wonder what men and women expect when committing. Funny thing with my situation is that we started out pretty intense, then I think proposing actually slowed it down. This seems backward, but may be natural, though people should be consciously working to improve. People hate forced “working” with sex though, deeming it “chemistry” or not.

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14 hours ago, DavidA said:

Funny thing with my situation is that we started out pretty intense, then I think proposing actually slowed it down. This seems backward, but may be natural, though people should be consciously working to improve.

I think when women use sex to get a man, this is what happens. 

It may start out intense, she's pulling all the stops to get you to commit. 

Then you commit, she slows it down. (Your proposal)

Then you get married, and eventually it will dwindle to an even slower drip, drip, drip. 

And then she'll rarely want to do new things or spice things up.

**It doesn't have to be that way, we're certainly not that way in our marriage, it's been hot crazy passionate sex for almost 14 years, so no, not all women do this...  BUT I do think a lot of women use sex as a means to get commitment/kids/house/paid for life.  I'm so sorry life is people can be like that.

Edited by maritalbliss86
strike thru
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  • 1 month later...

No. Maybe I will suggest things to do that others have done if I enjoy them, but not in a comparison way. Everyone has pros and cons.  No one is better than another person if you like the person you are having sex with. 

Edited by stacey89
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