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Condoms, Cancer, and Ex shows up at work


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Many of you know my story. I broke up with my ex who has many Narcissistic traits in August. We had a "reconciliation period" during which I found him with condoms (about 4 weeks ago). I didnt make a big fuss about them (we don't use them) I just left his house and did not answer the several missed calls he left me over the last few weeks. Although I was furious, I did what any ENA'er would do- I went into strict NC.

 

He never denied cheating or had any reasonable explanation. He did call, and through voice mail, just expected things to go back to normal. While I am a patient person, and could put up with a number of things--cheating is not one of them. I asked every week if there was anyone else and he lied to my face every time.

 

A few days after this gruesome discovery, I found out my Dad to whom I am very close, has cancer and who's health is diminishing quickly. My ex never had a Dad. He took off on him when he was young and started a new family. My ex never really respected my Dad (even though he lived in one of his houses rent free for about 8 months). He often put my Dad down for no reason.

 

Today while I was at an off site meeting- my ex comes to my work. For about half and hour he tells my best work friend in her office that he really loves me-- funny he never told me this the whole time we were going out. And apparently a tear came to his eye when she told him EVERYTHING about my Dad!!! I am so Pi$$ed.

 

I never wanted my ex to know any of this....He is the type of person that gets off of other peoples tragedies. He would not even let me compliment another human being in his presence , in true Narcissitic style.

 

Anyway, I have to start taking my Dad to kemo tomorrow. I am crying at my desk 'cause I tried to do NC and this person at my work blew the lid off of my personal situation. ANd she even believed what this manipulator said about him caring about me- he doesnt care for anyone but himself!

 

Am I over reacting??

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You didn't break NC. You didn't communicate with him. There are things inevitably someone can find out. If he saw a funeral notice, an engagement notice or heard through mutual friends - you can't help that information from getting out. I would say don't beat yourself up. Just don't respond to him. Tell your office friends that if he comes to see you and comes to the front desk, that he is to be told that you are busy with clients or that he may leave a message - that is it. A member of the general public is probably not allowed to walk around in your workplace unannounced, unscheduled and unaccompanied and neither is he. He obviously manipulated your coworker with his tears.

 

So, take care of yourself and just know that you didn't break NC.

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I would try not to worry too much at the moment as I'm assuming you have yet to hear from your ex and I wouldn't worry too much about what your friend thinks of him as it has no bearing on your relationship. Are you expecting to hear from him now?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

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Thank You. My ex broke up with his business partner last year, and achitect. About 2 months later, the architect started doing home renos for a living like my ex.

 

The architect sliced his hand open on a circular saw and required many stitches and surgery for nerve damage. Whem my ex found out about this he smiled and said "Karma."

 

Now you see why I don't want my ex to know my bad news!!!

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Speaking of karma....he will get his. Remember that....if fact I bet if you knew what all was going on in his life, I bet karma already has it's hold on him.

 

I talked to my ex a few days ago. Man, his life has gone to hell. He's had a string of bad luck beginning the day after I kicked him out.

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Thank you Ariel & doyathink,

 

I am just livid he got a tidbit of info of my life. He is just someone who gets off on other people's mishaps and it was very unprofessional (although he became a client at my bank recently) and I just wanted to disappear from his life.

 

I hate that he knows. He used to make fun of my Dad even though my Dad cooked him many a steaks, and provided him with cases of beer etc. The day he found out my Dad lost all of his money- we were living together at the time-in a house my Dad owned. He said "well I guess I can go live with my aunt." He didn't say "we."

 

ANyway, its just hard to explain why I don't want him to know.

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