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Double Blow for Sadchick


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As many of you know I BU'd with my ex about 8 months ago. We were in a reconciliation process which I felt was going somewhat well. I spent Christmas with his family, we spent NYE together, we were spending a night or two a week with each other and chatting on the phone every day. Yes I posted/complained about him on ENA- his narcissistic traits and other break up type complaints, but I really thought the reconciliation was going well.

 

I found condoms folded into his wallet (posted on the Infidelity Forum) about 2 and a half weeks ago. Since we do not use them he was either cheating or planning on cheating. I did not cause a big scene, I simply asked him why he had them and based on his nervous response, and avoidance of me over the next two weeks I assumed the worse. This was a very difficult blow for me because he led me to believe we were having a successful reconciliation.

 

Last Monday I made the decision to go on anti depressants. I was quite heartbroken he would cheat, and he never did so while we were bf & gf. Every week I checked in with regards to our status. He assured me he wasn't seeing anyone and he had huge chemistry with me.

 

Now here is the 2nd blow: The day after I started the anti depressants my father, who I am very close to went to the hospital for a stomach ache. It turns out he has cancer and is going down hill fast. He has lost about 30 lbs, my mother just drove his car back to the leasing company, he is grey in complexion. He has a huge amount of things to unravel in business and personal life. He is now bedridden and dying.

 

My father is a wonderful man. He wore cheap suits, wore a cheap watch and had a crappy car so he could give to his children. We all had our university paid for and continued to support us throughout our lives both financially and emotionally.

 

It is absolutely killing me to watch my father waste away. I feel like god has really stuck it to me these days and feel like I have been punched in the stomach over and over again. My Mom is drowning financially and is having to care for my father at home because no treatment plan is in place as of yet.

 

Has anyone out there had to deal with this type of double blow? I thought the break up was the worst thing- now this?

The days feel so long and meaningless. I am not the type of person to lash out...but I feel so sad that spring is here, people are out and about, enjoying life and I am going into an emotional storm.

 

Oh and now the ex has been calling (3 times in total) left a lame message. I am in NC. He is a selfish person that knows my Dad well, but really never showed any empathy for me for other issues.

 

Also, for those of you recovering from a break up, waste no time...You never know when life can actually get worse.

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I cant really say anything except be as strong as you can be for your mum....im sure there are many people here who can share experience, all i can say is my thoughts go out to you at a time i thought my life was bad. it really isn't in comparison....i dont know who you are, i dont know where you are from and i certainly dont know your father, but please know my thoughts go out to you.

 

 

Jonesy

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Hey Girl,

 

I am really sorry to hear about your dad. You know my story with the ex. My dad just died of cancer in December. I saw my mom for the first time last week since it happened. I could not even go to the funeral because they live too far away and I had to work. My dad was doing pretty good then almost overnight the cancer took over and he lost 30-40 pounds. He tried to go through the treatments for about 3 months but it did not help. All I can say my friend is I know what you are going through. It is hard but it is part of life. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

My mom only made it through it because my sisters were there to help her and support her. Try to be there for your mom. She really needs you right now. It's going to be a long road. My mom just started grief therapy.

 

I hope your father makes it through treatment.

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I am so very sorry to hear that about your father. Sounds like he was a big part of your life. I hope nothing but the best for you and your family.

and as far as your double whammies.... one of them you have direct control over, the other one you dont. If you dont want to deal with both, get rid of one. I think it will lessen the weight you have on your shoulders you have right now.

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my heart goes out to you sadchick.

 

I wish and pray that things turnaround in due time and get better for you.

 

Just surround yourself with family and friends as they can provide you with some comfort during this trying time.

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I feel for you Sadchick and can somewhat relate. As my fiance who I dated for 5 years was leaving me for someone else I foun out my Mom was diagnosed with Lung cancer. I am her only child and she is my only parent. She had her entire left lung removed an went through Chemo. I was having a lot of difficulty dealing with my pain amd being strong for her. If I can say one thing it's to do what you already are doing. Put your Pop first. My prayers are with you.

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So sad...Has hospice been called? Does the health insurance program there cover home health care/respite care (hospice may provide it, if not)? What about life insurance? My neighbor borrowed against one of her life insurance policies so she and her husband could travel before she died (and she did). No matter what, he shouldn't give up. He should go from doctor to doctor to find someone who is willing to take a chance with a new treatment or surgery. (Gerson therapy?)

 

I haven't posted or checked this forum in months. I had an accident, and it took awhile to get put back together (all is fine now). We're all fragile, breakable beings. I've been glued to the news for days. My soul cries.

 

Take care of yourself, Sad.

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Sadchick,

 

Yes. I had to move back home, face unemployment, cut off a couple of close friendships and lose a grandparent while dealing with the pain of a breakup. All of them made it hard, but losing my grandma capped it off. That was when I knew I needed to go on anti-Ds, and I am SO glad you are on them.

 

That was so rough... I'm still climbing out of that pit, although I am almost at the top again. Feel free to PM if you need to talk.

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