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Broke Up 5 Months Ago and Ex Has Got Married!


dumpee

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I've posted before so brief history:

 

Ex split up with me end of Sept 10 after 10 years together and moves in with another guy.

 

Had to remain in contact whilst we got our finances and property sorted but that was finally all resolved 3 weeks ago and I had been in NC with her for the past 6 days.

 

This morning, at 9.30am I got a text from her at work to say that they had got married! Can't believe this after only 5 months living together!

 

Her mum had mentioned to me in the past that she thought my ex was infatuated with her new guy and that he seemed controlling. I agree with the controlling bit as he would not allow her to be alone with me whilst I was still living at the flat we co-owned - even just to cut the cats claws!

 

What better way to control someone than by marrying them?

 

Can't believe she has done this is as it is so out of character for her to rush into things, especially something like getting married as she had been married before she met me. Strangely enough, her ex-husband left her for someone else!

 

Has anyone else had experience of their ex getting married so quickly after the break up and did it work out long term?

 

Is it likely to be a healthy marriage/relationship?

 

I did send a text back just saying 'Good luck' - she can take that anyway she wants.

 

No chance of reconciliation now so just curious. Permanent NC I think from now on!

 

Sorry, have posted in the Getting Back Together purely because all my other posts have been posted here.

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Who knows if she will be happy long term, it's just a big sign that you deserve someone much better. It is scary though to think someone that can commit to another in five months. I'm sure successful cases exist but considering the situation she was in it's hard to believe. In either case you're free now, take the time to properly heal and enjoy a renewed life. Someone better will come along sooner or later.

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As they say, "marry in haste, repent at leisure". How long had she been split with her previous husband before she met you? It sounds like she is the type of person who doesn't know how to be alone so she will bounce from relationship to relationship. Did you not want to get married to her? Perhaps that is why she left...she wanted to get married so she grabbed the next person who wanted marriage.

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I'm soooooo sorry you are going through this and I know, how much it hurts, believe me!!! My ex of 3,5 years broke up with me August last year. For me, it happened kind of out of the blue, since we didn't have any major problems apart from the distance (we were LD) and I felt very happy with him and considered him to be the "one" for me, I truly loved him wth all my heart and I have never felt like this for anyone else before and I thought, he felt the same for me... we talked about our future together and he seemed really serious about everything... well, until middle of July when he suddenly asked for a break, he was about to move to an Arab country for a job and there it's only allowed to legally live together when you are married... he told me that he felt strange for a while already and that he needed time to figure out what he truly wants from his life, that he wants to meet other people, that he started having doubts about us and that he isn't sure whether it's too early for us to get married (I told him, after finishing my studies end of this year, I would move to him, to finally be together) , blah, blah, blah...two weeks later, beginning of August, he left me for someone else... about 4 months later, in November, I found out that he already got engaged to the other girl and will get married to her this year spring or early summer...

 

I can't tell you, how much these news hurt me... it was almost like when he told me it's over... I felt a huge panic again and couldn't stop crying... I couldn't understand, how on earth he could move on sooo extremely quickly... I mean, Ok, falling in love with someone else and starting a new relationship straight away, Ok, that can happen, but getting engaged within 4 months and getting married within less than one year, considering, they are in a LDR, too now.... I couldn't and still can't understand what happened to the person who told he loved me until the very end... all lies? Was he cheating on me for months already???... I have no idea...

 

We don't know if their marriage will work out for them, it may, it may not... I for one wouldn't marry anybody that I know, let's say less than 2 years, I mean after a few months together, still being in the honeymoon stage, do you really know the other person well enough for taking such a major step?? Can you think straight enough to make big decisions like that?? I have my doubts that rushed marriages like that will last forever, but it happens... Anyways, our ex's are grown ups, they are old enough to know, what is best for them... maybe they found the loves of their lives?? Who knows? But I guess, we won't find it out anyways... when I got that news, I had enough, I blocked my ex everywhere, facebook, emails, msn...that was the only way for me to start feeling better... those news about the marriage were a huge setback though... but with NC it's finally starting to be easier for me... I still don't get what got into my ex...but I'm tired of trying to understand him...

 

Stay strong, you are not alone... I'm going through the same s*it

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Hi guys, many thanks for your responses.

 

I met her about 6 months after her husband had left her and she hadn't been any relationships during that period.

 

We never really talked about getting married. Maybe I thought the fact that she had been married before she wouldn't really want to go down that route again. I'm sure though if I had asked she would have accepted but think we would still be in the same situation as we are now.....only worse!

 

Her reason for leaving was that she hadn't been happy and we had seemed to have drifted apart and were more like friends. Looking back I had become complacent and I guess taken her for granted. Something to take note of in my next relationship!

 

He is the opposite of me so perhaps a better match for her? He told her he loved her 3 weeks after she moved in with him which seems pretty quick! Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it and basically it doesn't really make a difference with regards to the direction I was heading and that was forwards. In a way it may now make things easier for me?

 

As I said in the thread, she has changed and isn't the person I knew. The concensus from my friends and family are that it won't last and will end in tears. Maybe, maybe not but by that time I won't care.

 

The person i feel sorry for is her mum as they were pretty close and she was upset that my ex had split up from me. This could have a real affect on their relationship going forward. I hope not though.

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I know someone who got out of a relationship and jumped into a new one with 2 weeks. Got married after 3 months together and divorced with in the same year. Who knows what will happen, keep your distance and remain NC.

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that disgusting.. stuff like that disgusts me.. after 10 years together, she just jumps in someone elses bed and marrys him after 5 months??? * * * ..

 

know this my friend, her "infatuation" with her new man is just her way of trying to not deal with the pain of your break up. there is no way you can forget 10 years with someone.. hell thats a decade!

 

and be happy that you guys didnt take it the next step, because you dont want to marry someone who is so unstable with their emotions.

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Yeah...five months is awful quick to marry someone after a 10-year relationship...I'm sorry you had to go through this.

 

You say she has changed, and isn't the same person you used to know...keep that in mind as you continue healing, repeat it to yourself. It really will help.

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This would honestly make me get over it easier. Clearly she's imbalanced. There are very FEW cases where something like this would work out. Actually, probably none. What a joke. Be glad you are out of that one. Take time out to heal, and watch this burn from the outside. It may amuse you.

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honestly, this is so weird but one of my guy friends broke up with his girlfriend 5 months ago because he wasn't feeling it anymore.

I just found out today that his ex girlfriend had recently eloped with her boyfriend of 2 months?!?!? He was clearly mind blown when he found out.

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Thanks guys/gals for your comments ansd support.

 

It's funny but when I went to bed last night I actually felt quite calm and in a sense relieved almost like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Perhaps she's done me a favour and this will help me move on a lot quicker?

 

Only downside is that we both work for the same Company so she can still easily contact me if she wants but that's where NC comes in to play! Will be strange if I bump into her though.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well it's been nearly 7 weeks since I last saw my ex and 14 days of NC since she told me she had got married.

 

Today, I see her in the canteen at work (no contact with her). Then, after work I went for a walk and guess what, I saw her with her husband! Bad things come in three's don't they so what's next?!

 

Found out via a mutual friend that there were only 4 people at the wedding (none of them her parents). I thought weddings were supposed to be happy family occassions and not a big secret?

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It is amazing though that some people seem to be able to just forget about a previous relationship and move into a new relationship/marriage so quickly.

 

Nearly 6 months now since we broke up and I don't feel ready to even go on a date let alone get involved in a deep, meaningful relationship at the moment. Hopefully that's reasonably normal!

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I dont think she has forgotten about her previous 10 year relationship with you... no way man, you cant just forget 10 years!! if she has, then there is something wrong with her.

 

Shes probably suppressing it, and it will come back to haunt her one day, then she will be unhappy, but not want to ruin her marriage, so she'll live unhappily for a while before realising shes in too much pain and her marriage is a shambles and gets divorced.

 

I think shes taken the break up so bad, shes went the complete opposite way of what we would expect.

But yeah man, you sound like your doing well, sounds like this is a blessing in disguise, a very cruel disguise, but you could have been married to a pyscho...

Now your free to find someone you can actually be happy with : )

good luck!!

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I dont think she has forgotten about her previous 10 year relationship with you... no way man, you cant just forget 10 years!! if she has, then there is something wrong with her.

 

Shes probably suppressing it, and it will come back to haunt her one day, then she will be unhappy, but not want to ruin her marriage, so she'll live unhappily for a while before realising shes in too much pain and her marriage is a shambles and gets divorced.

 

I think shes taken the break up so bad, shes went the complete opposite way of what we would expect.

But yeah man, you sound like your doing well, sounds like this is a blessing in disguise, a very cruel disguise, but you could have been married to a pyscho...

Now your free to find someone you can actually be happy with : )

good luck!!

 

10 years? no way she forgets that

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Well would you believe it, we're back together.........only joking!

 

Well it's now 6 months since we broke up and 22 days of NC since she told me of her marriage and guess what, she contacted me.........Blast!

 

Got an email at work this afternoon saying:

 

"Hi - hope all is well with you. Just a reminder to cancel the direct debit for the house insurance"

 

To explain, she has taken over the flat we co -owned and I agreed (in a moment of weakness) to continue paying for the insuarance until the renewal earlier this month. In turn she would transfer the money to me each month to reimburse me.

 

Anyway, she sent me a payment on the 17th of this month and on the same day I cancelled the direct debit.

 

What I don't understand is why contact me now and not 2 weeks ago to remind me? Why ask me how I'm doing? Was she looking for an ego boost or something?

 

My initial reaction was not to respond and that was the concensus of my work buddies (thus maintain NC). However, I then asked two of my sisters who suggested I send a brief response.......which I did. D'oh!

 

"I'm fine thanks. DD cancelled two weeks ago"

 

I now wish i hadn't replied at all as I'm afraid she may take that as an indication that the lines of communication are open should she need the use of an an emotional crutch in future.

 

I'm disapointed in myself for breaking the NC that was there for me and not her.

 

Oh well, day one of NC starts tomorrow.

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Since you owned a something together and had to get it squared away and let her know something then you had to respond. Why did she ask how you are doing? Probably just being friendly, whenever you haven't spoken to someone in a long time you usually ask how are you. Doesn't mean she really wants to know or cares though. She isn't looking for an emotional crutch from you, all she wanted to know was if you canceled whatever you two had together. You are reading way too much into this.

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Hi karma20, yeah with hindsight you're probably right I think I was reading too much into it.

 

As it happens, in the mail today I got a letter from the insurance company regarding the cancellation of the direct debit. Looks like I cancelled it too soon as they were unable to collect this months payment and my ex has already paid me for it. Ooops!

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