Jump to content

She broke up, will she come back?


resilient

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 135
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Hey Pirandello,

I just read your thread didn't know you had one. I am amazed about the similarities between your story and mine. No.1 said many things that rang a bell in my mind. among what he said:

From what you said she is probably doing projective transferance

Have you ever noticed when she looks at you, you get a strange feeling that she wants to imagine someone else? Or maybe hesitates a bit when calling out your name or pet name

I think she is hiding her feelings of the past by trying to build a Faux future hoping it would mask what she is truly feeling. She needs to deal with her past before moving forward.

 

Many other things you said like when she changes the subject when talking about future plans are similar to my situation with her. Even on new year eve I asked her to guess "where would you like us to be like now next year. She refused even to guess, she changed the subject..." Also her attitude changed two days after Valentine even though it was the best valentine she had ever... I feel like now that she used me in all possible senarios, she doesn't need me any more. what's remaining only challenges...

 

She told me about two of her ex's told me all about the first one, but whenever I tried to ask her about the last ex she would refuse to tell me anything about him not even who he is and would even get upset to mention him. Sometimes I would feel when she is with me she would be fantasizing about him.

 

Now what I am starting to believe this... she thought she could use me as replacement of her ex for sometime. But when she realized that it is not going to be a free game because things started to get serious and challenging, she backed-up.

 

One of the things that she told me after break-up: "I know I am hurting you now, but I do not want to hurt you much more later." it means she was trying to resist the feeling of break-up but decided it would be better sooner than later.

 

Also one of the things I told her after break-up: " you did not give me warning that you change lovers like you change shoes" She said " I do not change men like I change shoes, and you are definitely not one that can be changed that way. You are a special man!"

 

The type of songs, CD's that she listens to in her car, like she is missing a lover,even when I am her lover is with her, that always kept me wondering why she always listens to this type of music..

 

Many other things she said makes me believe I was being used as a replacement.

 

I do not know if you consider this as a red flag, but on our first date, she was chewing gum all the time! I found that was strange... in hindsight, I think she knew she was starting to play an ex replacement game and was nervous.

 

I have reasons to believe that her ex is in jail for business fraud and she has no physical access to him and refused to disclose anything about him. I could tell from her side discussion with her best friend.

 

Do you think I should face her with my thoughts??

 

How would you know in your case she did not get over or she will never get over her ex? do you know anything about "projective transferance" ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

dude let it go, your going to go insane, maybe they used us as a rebound, maybe they did projective transferance, maybe they just used us for company, whatever the reason, we must just forget this, trying to analyze what they did and blame them won't get us anywhere. Best thing you can do brother, Ignore. Karma will get them back. Maybe they got hurt in the past and now just enjoy hurting other guys for revenge. Whatever the reason, i learned a few things from it and i won't repeat the same mistakes. Learn from this bad relationship and make the next one a better one. Do not face her with these thoughts cause you could make a false assumption. I had flags and clues too that she was not in it for the long haul, but what could i do? She had this idea that she was going to find a guy like her ex because he was always there for her. aka: he was putting her on a pedestal and did anything for her. So when she start to see that i did not do that for her, she started with the "we have a communication problem" excuse. It was a doomed relationship and i accept it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Resilient, i understand your pain brother, i am going through the same thing, we feel betrayed. Just keep doing NC and keep reading the law of attraction link i gave you. Work on yourself, be happy again, i know it's difficult right now. Everyday when i wake up i feel like staying in bed. But then i say to myself, is it worth it? is it worth it ruining my life because this woman does not want to be part of it? You have your answer. Then i say everything is going to be ok, time will heal my wounds and i will find happiness again. Take her off that pedestal, think about you now. Life continues, an old chapter ends and a new fresh and better chapter begins. Maybe this breakup will trigger a new relationship in the near future who knows? Maybe it will bring the ex back for good? it happened for a reason. Take this time to better yourself and get stability in your life again. That's what i am going to do. Soon you will feel better again and ready to date again. forget the good times and only remember all the arguments and problems this relationship was causing you. Let the dumper worry about the good times.

cheers!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know Pirandello?, we all believe things happen for a reason... I think the reason of all this suffering is becoming beyond me... I have drafted a new letter and made the subject "crazy assumptions" and in it I layed down all the thoughts that I have regarding our relationship and the 'transference projection".. what do I have to lose if I send this letter? Ok she will regret the day she has known me because I keep coming back to her as an eco of bad conscious... If I just disappear from her life then I would be defeating the reason of why she met me... maybe she met me so I could tell her this hard truth about herself... She went into the fabric of my life and suddenly decided to disappear... she has to know there is a price for everything we do... the price that she has to pay is me getting me tangled in her evil intentions... any thoughts about that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Look man, you are going crazy. It's all over your posts. You HAVE to separate yourself from this girl in every possible meaning of the word. It's not your job to "enlighten her". You'll just come off looking REALLY petty. Noone likes that. What do you have to lose? Self-respect. Chin up, and move on! If you were meant to be some kind of discovery vessel for her, then you will be. Sending something to try and FORCE it, will do no good. Please listen to us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I guess it was Pirnadello and No. 1 is his thread who sparked this 'transference projection' crazy idea in my mind which I think it has a grain of truth in it, lol .. Well anyway that's why I called them 'crazy assumptions' in the first place... But as you are all recommending I will hold my horses of anger...

 

thanks for being tough Makeitcount even though you don't seem to want me make my relationship with her count..

 

thank you doyathink for giving me hope again.. do ya think I still have a chance if I play it cool and right on the long run?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not about me wanting to make your relationship work or not. It's about me wanting you to be in the best state of mind/body possible no matter what happens. You're still clinging on and asking for anyone to give you hope - that's not healthy.

 

You'll get there. But you gotta start actively pursuing your own happiness - and she's not it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thank you MakItCount, I never doubted your good intention and your opinion is highly appreciated.

 

I didn't sleep last night thinking about this crazy idea and drafting the letter... writing letters and not sending them is a kind of anger release theraby i guess.. you are helping me by not encouraging to send such letters...

 

I am not sure what is in the 'healing after break-up' threads... but I am still not ready to go there yet...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, theres hope, but there's reality too. Dont lose focus on you. You're putting way too much thought on her. Gotta stop that. My ex and i just starting talking again yesterday. And ya know why!! Cause I just met another man...thats why! I always kept hope cause I know my situation had hope. But i also want a life and I'm not going to sit back and watch a good opportunity pass me by.

 

So far, the new guy is interesting...but my heart is still with my ex. BAD! They both know about each other, and neither is pushing me for anything! yet...

 

You have to keep yourself first, and stop allowing yourself to let her consume your thoughts. If you cant put yourself first .....then you have very little hope. Go out and get a life and dont contact her till you are sure you know what you're doing. Dont get ahead of yourself here. Its baby steps man.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Go out and get a life and dont contact her till you are sure you know what you're doing. Dont get ahead of yourself here. Its baby steps man.

 

I hope on 1st of April, which happens to be the fools' day, when I start my new job I will stop able to stop dwelling on these unhealthy thoughts.. So until the fool's day come around, please bear with me...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know what, when i saw my ex back on the dating website where we met, sure i was dying inside. I was dying to call her and say hey what are you doing? it's only been a month and you are already looking for someone else. yeah i was dying to call her to convince her to come back. But i resisted and kept NC, I say to myself, it's her free will if she wants to date. I cannot do anything about it. I let go, she has the right to choose who she wants to be with. I am not wasting my energy on thinking about her or what i am going to write in the final letter. I am just focusing on myself and putting importance in my life, because i create my happiness, not her. She wanted to get married, have kids, and buy a house and her clock was ticking, i don't think we are at the same timing in our lives.

I like to take my time when i do things and do them right. She was in a rush and was putting pressure on me and so was her family. Finding someone to start a family takes time in my opinion, you don't just go on a site and meet someone and bam 1 month later your engaged and then married. She will have to learn this the hard way. But she made her decision and there is nothing i can do about it, even if i send an email to tell her that she has psychological problems, it will just infuriate her and i won't gain anything. Just do NC and heal and maybe one day she will realize what she did.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

doyathink i am happy for you that your talking to your ex again, how long did you guys stay without talking? another thing i wanted to say, don't use that new guy to get your ex jealous, it's not right and you are giving hope to the other guy, not right, bad, bad, bad... if you love your ex go back to him. But in the end it is your free will to choose. good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

doyathink i am happy for you that your talking to your ex again, how long did you guys stay without talking? another thing i wanted to say, don't use that new guy to get your ex jealous, it's not right and you are giving hope to the other guy, not right, bad, bad, bad... if you love your ex go back to him. But in the end it is your free will to choose. good luck.

 

We kept LC for 2 weeks after the break up. Only through text.

Im not using anyone, and I'm not giving false hope to either of them. I told them both about the other because I'm an honest person, and being upfront....I'm not going to hide anything. I love my ex more then I could put into word....but he really hurt me, and Im scared. One bitten, twice shy! The new guy is really nice, but I dont really know him yet. I'm keeping my options open and hoping my gut will tell me whats best. I'm in no position to make any decisions yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i see, i understand better now.i feel the same with my ex, if she wants to come back i don't know if i can trust her again and won't want to break up again...

 

How long has it been since you broke up? How long were you together? Have you spoke to her at all since the break up?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

its been 5 weeks, we broke up on feb 16. we were together for about 10 months, i haven't spoken to her at all, no phone or txt msg. nothing. she text me 2 weeks after breakup to justify why she broke up and hoping that i understood her deicision. i never replied.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...