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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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My mom goes back for x-rays on Friday because they think she broke her back for the FOURTH time. Even thinking about her injuries makes me want to vomit. I can’t deal. I don’t think I can go there Friday. I can’t deal. Hubby goes away Friday,cat still recovering and I can’t deal. Nope nope nope nope .

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So today my mother text me that my brother is moving 20 minutes away from her . 🙄 Boo hoo? I said yeah I phoned you the other day to say I might be moving 12 hours away and you told me that you didn’t have time to talk to me about it when I was sobbing my head off . And now you want me to hold your hand because your son is moving 20 minutes away and you see him and your granddaughters every single Monday ? And your answer to me is well I can’t stomach both my kids moving away. I said your son is moving 20minutes from you ! And then you tell me well just having him in the same building was a comfort that you knew he was around . Girl he never saw you except for Mondays. And he would tell you hey pick up my package at the front door can you babysit my kid can you make sure she locks the door can you make sure she gets to school . Yeah whatever 🙄

 

Who has shown up for every single problem driving three hours there in three hours back ???? Oh yeah right me .

 

Go cry some tears somewhere else . Boo effin hoo.

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I think I had the panic attack/anxiety attack because I’m realizing the massive commitment in time and effort and time away from my family that I have taken on in my two major endeavours . Right now it is really overwhelming . The president’s meeting while vastly interesting kind of clued me into the a massive amount of effort and time I’m going to have to give to this. I have two conventions to go to where I need to vote at that are going to require more than a week away from home . There’s running all the monthly meetings being at every social function the council has. And directives from diocesan ,provincial and national .

 

My daycare takes up 14 hours a day . It takes up half a Saturday . And my other church commitment takes up three hours of Sunday .

 

I’m not seeing a lot of hours for rest there .

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So so so bizarre..... I had a dream last night that just continued and continued and continued despite the few times I woke up . It is a dream I’ve had before through various times in my life . It was so vivid I had to question whether it was real . And I could hear my mind in my dream talking to it’s self trying to determine if it was real . And when I woke up of course I knew it wasn’t . The dream originated in my 20s ..... and I’ll have it maybe once a decade . Every time it reoccurs though it mixes with part my current reality .

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