Jump to content

Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 18.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Hey UMA,

 

I never think of those things, hahahaha, I just said, uh ok, I am not my brightest in the morning for sure. He wants to be on tech crew permanently. So even when he is not on overseas tour he won't be here. Not exactly what was envisioned when he had me move here. It makes me feel like home and me are just a place to lay his hat when he is in town. Ya know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not really. My husband is very much " I am doing what the hell I am doing and that is that." His father is the same way, not that it is an excuse. But my husband can be very passive aggressive and will tell you what you want to hear and then go off and do as he pleases later. I basically for the last few years, about 5 years just told him to do as he pleases and go where ever he wants and I will do my thing. My son is getting older now so if my husband and I end up together after my son is grown up, who knows. We have got to the point we are both pretty happy leading our own lives but sharing our house and sharing our child and the responsibilities for him. Is this what I envisioned when I got married? Hell no. Is it what I want for the rest of my life? Hell no, to that too. But I see no point in pushing someone to do what I want. I really don't. I tried that and all my husband did was having a few nervous break downs. He is who he is. So at this point I let him be who he is, it is easier that way then fight constantly. I know it is not every one's version of marriage and I know a lot of people who would leave, but my son is REALLY happy seeing his dad more and they are bonding positively. I had no positive bonding with my own father and I know it has impacted my life negatively in almost every way, so I at this point to take my son from his father would be cruel.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I completely agree with you that there's no point trying to force someone to live their life according to your standards or according to what's convenient for you. But doesn't that go both ways?

 

You're still young, Victoria. And I haven't seen your picture but somehow I have this idea that you're quite a looker. Now is probably a good time to release yourself from this "arrangement" and find someone to grow old with. Modern medicine is such that you're probably about half way through your life right now. Wouldn't you like to live the next half with someone who will be home to laugh at your jokes in the evenings?

 

Your son is old enough now and the father-son bond is strong enough now that their relationship will be solid regardless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I completely agree with you that there's no point trying to force someone to live their life according to your standards or according to what's convenient for you. But doesn't that go both ways?

 

You're still young, Victoria. And I haven't seen your picture but somehow I have this idea that you're quite a looker. Now is probably a good time to release yourself from this "arrangement" and find someone to grow old with. Modern medicine is such that you're probably about half way through your life right now. Wouldn't you like to live the next half with someone who will be home to laugh at your jokes in the evenings?

 

Your son is old enough now and the father-son bond is strong enough now that their relationship will be solid regardless.

 

I guess I am young enough and I believe there is always more than one person for every one, but there may only be one "perfect" one. You know? It is only lately that my son and his father have bonded really well. Before he was mostly bonded to me.

 

As far as being a looker, hm well I have never seen myself that way. I have too much in my past I think to ever see myself that way. I never see what others see in me. I only see faults.

 

Yeah for sure I want someone who WANTS to be with me and spend time with me. I do not know where that fell apart.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know for both my mother and my grandmother, their first marriage was terrible, the second was wonderful and the third was just companionship. I think a lot of first marriages can be pretty unfulfilling because, when you got married, you just didn't know yourself well enough to know what you would need in a partner over the span of several decades.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know for both my mother and my grandmother, their first marriage was terrible, the second was wonderful and the third was just companionship. I think a lot of first marriages can be pretty unfulfilling because, when you got married, you just didn't know yourself well enough to know what you would need in a partner over the span of several decades.

 

I am thinking that is it. We were pretty young and both had all but ZERO experience with anyone or anything else. We are badly mismatched. He is not a bad person so to speak, just maybe not the right person for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Looking at it now, would I marry him now? No. Not that he is a bad person, but we have different objectives, or not even that but different ways to the same objective. He just has never grown up, that is basically it. His psychiatrist has told him he is emotionally stuck at somewhere like about preteen at the emotional level and he just never left because it was comfy there and his parents encouraged him very heartily to be a baby. I do not want to be a mother to my spouse, that is where I am at. Am I still in love with him? Hm I gather a no, but I love him as a great friend, we have spent half our life together and share our wonderful son. We have a lot in common in things we like. Other than that, and the fact I want my son to have the best relationship with his dad that he can and have it be positive and healthy for his life, I think I would be gone. As far as him, he says he loves me and he would never ever divorce me, EVER. I am his best friend in all the world and he could never even think of living without me, but his actions are entirely opposite. He finds every single opportunity he can to be away. He says it is to make more money. But that is not it. He just wants someone around for when he needs someone. That is his nature. I have the nature to totally want to bond with someone, he does not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was reading part of the posthumous biography of Mother Teresa. I believe they said in the beginning of the book ( I read it a while back, the beginning that is) she wanted all her private letters and papers destroyed after her death. Of course they were not. Oh but just to read her words!! Her utter devotion to Jesus is astounding, her absolute faith even if the face of absolute fear, WOW. Her devotion and faith and her love for Christ was absolute, even though she called herself weak and unworthy. When he called her to be " His light and to be His love." she sure fullfilled that! She said that being given so many sufferings in life was a testament to the courage the Lord has given you and to suffer them gladly knowing that. Amen. Her words of utter devotion and humility yesterday brought me back to my focus and calmed me. Look to the Lord.....

 

I am ashes,

I am worthless sounds

compared to all Your perfect words

Could I be your girl?

OH my Lord.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's beautiful If I could only learn 1/10th of her patience and devotion, I'd be set.

 

Are you not scared of falling in love for someone else if you don't feel like your love your husband anymore? I guess some people can be that selfless to remain married for the sake of the 'marriage'. I guess that's why I never married huh?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the words at the end are from a song that I felt was so fitting. But the book is really good. It is called " Come and Be My Light" The Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta. She really was the most incredible person.

 

Hm, am I being selfless? I think because I was raised with NO opportunity to have any relationship with my dad that was not horrendous,because of my father's mental illness and my mother's need to keep moving onto where ever. I believe it is VERY VERY important to have a connection with both parents, to have a meaningful and bonded relationship with both parents to make you successful, emotionally. You have to know where you came from to know where you are going. In my own experience my own lack of being bonded has cause me to make mistakes in all aspects of my life. Having been a foster parent and my mother still being one, just seeing the mess kids become not only from abuse but the lack of being properly bonded to their parents and to where they came from has made it very clear to me that this is vital. Am I willing to do this for my son? Yes, I would do it a thousand times for him. I want to give him the most important thing I never got that I feel has caused severe detriment to my life.

 

It is not all fighting I can assure you. We have our arguments, but they are usually short lived and not when my son is around. We do family things together like eat together and play games and go for drives and walks. We enjoy the time with our son. Also too my husband has been away for almost 5 years, so my son has gone from being a youngster of 8 or so to almost 14 now. He needs his dad. Mom can not really show him what being a man is. I can only show him what being a woman is. He needs more. He needs to the guy stuff I can not do. He absolutely NEEDS to know his dad loves him. His dad is telling him every day that he loves him and is proud of him and is doing more things with him and really connecting over the past 8 months. My son is beaming and flourishing more than if he had just had me alone.

 

Is it an optimal marriage? The one I envisioned when I embarked on this journey? No. It was optimal for the most part our first maybe 15 years together.( we have been together for 22) We had our hiccups of course like everyone, but that never parting love was there. Where it went to I am not sure. I think I realized we are too different. So is it what people call optimal? Well, no, but it has succeeded in the person that is my son and I have succeeded too in the destiny God gave me.

 

Falling in love with someone else? Hm. I do not go enough places to even meet anyone else........lol.

Edited by ~Seraphim ~
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am SO excited my mother is coming tomorrow!!!! I love to see my mom. My step dad is coming too and my two foster kids. The one girl has been with us since more than half her life. Her mother is dead and her father disappeared never to be seen again. So she is now my mom's daughter and my sister. The other girl they have had for a month so I do not know her to well. I have only met her once, but from what I know she is really rambunctious. I am doing their taxes but they are also staying for the weekend. The kids are staying with me and my mom and step dad are staying at the hotel on the base because my mom is too allergic to my cat, and also there iIs no space. I know I saw my mom a month ago but I still miss her SO much, considering I saw her every single day when I lived back home.

 

Sometimes I am really home sick and want to go home and other times I like being here because there is no one to just drop in and tell me what to do as my mom had a habit of doing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am looking to get new sofas I wonder if I should go with more comfort or style? I bought style the first time in pure white. What a mistake that was I still had to have kids and pets. They did not stay white after all the spills, puke and blood and pet hair and whatever comes along with a family. Oiy. They were beautiful. Now of course there is still my son at home and pets. My husband is a big slop monster and spills things all over on sofas and carpets, soooooo I am thinking a dark colour and go for comfort this time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow I saw an article that said that Kate's ring ( Diana's ring) was worth 32 Million English Pounds. . Gee how would you like to be carrying THAT around on your finger?? It is so mind boggling and seems such a waste. Not that I do not like beautiful sparkly things because I do, or rather I used to like them more years ago, now I am happy with what I have, but holy cats that money could be used for so much to help others.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are some very important event dates coming up. April 30 is my 17th wedding anniversary. Wow, I can not even believe it is that long. How time marches by. Then the death anniversary of my beloved grandmother, May 10th. I remember the day she died, 31 years ago. The frantic terror I felt to try and help her. The fact that no one would come to my cries for help. To hold her in my arms and feel her going colder, how she fought me trying to help her with the feeble energy she had left. I know she wanted to go. She wanted to be with my grandfather, for after he died she never stopped talking about him every single day for the 5 years she lived past him. I know how much she wanted to be with him. Then the 4th anniversary of the death of my second son, May 22. May 29th is my son's Confirmation, a very important sacrament for him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...