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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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Three more days of working this week.. Both my husband and my son are off on Friday. Done for the year.

 

I had a REALLY wacko dream last night. In it my husband gave my special cup that says " Queen of Everything " on it to some woman he works with that was at the Christmas Party. Crazy brain.

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I think I have an answer now. It has taken me six and a half years but I think I have an answer. Seeing Liam's body was a mistake. I think it traumatized me severely. That is where my life started to break to the point I had no skills to cope with. It was that final boot to the face that left me reeling. It put the nail in my PTSD coffin. Before that event I think I would have been recoverable. I can not 100% know of course.But, I really do feel that broke me, really broke me in a way that is not recoverable deep down. Surface I am ok. Deep down something is broken by that witness. It is something I can never get over seeing in my mind's eye; the body of my dead son.

 

My mom said she will never forget it either. It was so traumatic for her as well. She had to watch her own child get tormented and then see her dead grandson.

 

My husband, he just exploded in rage and hurt. Then he fell silent on it until this year.

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^ Obviously I have to work on acceptance of THAT too. Because it is happening whether I like it or not. But it is not easy I can tell you. Most women take having no period as a joy. Maybe in time I will see that. BUT, when you come to expect something for 36 years it leaves a bit of a hole when it disappears. For me it always represented my ability to have a baby which was everything to me. It was hope. Now there is no hope of that ever. Even though logically years ago I knew at 30 my body was finished in that regard I had reason to hope. Now I have none.

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Ok L get your butt in gear. You have to be over there cleaning toys in 10 mins and you are not even dressed. Well, it is a volunteer thing that is entirely at my own time. And I know the kids won't be outside today so I will just be getting jacked around. I swear to god if it is mayhem in there with stuff thrown all over I am walking out and going to talk to the coordinator in charge of volunteers because this is BS.

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Okay today went much better. I told the daycare workers just out right that I cannot clean toys that are thrown all over the floor for me to pick up and kids running around dumping things out as I try to clean it. So they had the kids pick up the toys put them in the bins and stay to one side of the room. It worked out much much better. About 10 times kids had to be reminded to stay on the other side of the room which is fine. When they get engaged in playing and get all excited they sometimes forget. That is completely natural. But at least the daycare workers kept control of the situation.

 

And the other room that I clean is always empty when I clean it.

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"We do not know the underlying reason for auditory processing problems in autism, but we have an idea; autopsy research by Drs. Bauman and Kemper have shown that an area in the limbic system, the hippocampus, is neurologically immature in autistic individuals (Bauman & Kemper, 1994). The hippocampus is responsible for sensory input as well as learning and memory. In simple terms, information is transferred from the senses to the hippocampus, where it is processed and then transferred to areas of the cerebral cortex for long-term storage. Since auditory information is processed in the hippocampus, in people with autism the information may not be properly transferred to long-term memory.

 

Auditory processing problems might be linked to other autistic characteristics, such as anxiety or confusion in social situations, and inattentiveness.

 

Interestingly, individuals who do not have auditory processing problems are often ‘auditory learners.’ These children do very well using the Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) approach, whereas those who are visual learners do not (McEachin, Smith and Lovaas, 1993). Given this, one might suspect that many visual learners have auditory processing problems and that they will do well with a visual communication/instruction approach. It is possible to add visual support to the auditory component of ABA programs to help the visual learner process the information more easily.

 

The better that autistic children understand auditory information, the better they can comprehend their environment, both socially and academically. The better we understand the autistic child, the better we can develop ways to intervene in an effective manner."

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Therapies my son has done

 

Speech Therapy

Occupational Therapy

One to one teaching

 

His technologies

 

FM system

Personal laptop

Kurzweil learning systems......text to speech and literacy......technologies for children with cognitive ability but literacy disabled.

Dragon Speak voice to text

 

His supports

 

Scribe for testing

Class withdrawl when distressed

EA when in grade school

Tutor

Resource teachers

Community case management

 

And MOM. I am very interactive with him. Getting him to stay with conversations with me. Get him to look me in the eyes more. Getting him to explain his feelings.

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OK some biatch is getting her arse kicked. The bus driver kicked my son off the bus for defending another child. She threw him off about a mile from home and he left his phone at home. It is minus 18 C out there. He was almost frozen. I am going to be out there at the stop tomorrow AM. WTH biatch!!! You throw kids off the bus in this weather?!! I am going to knock your arse out.

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Are they allowed to do that at all, remove children from the bus? Isn't there some kind of protocol they have to follow?

 

ANd what did R do, hit a kid?

 

I do not know about the protocol. No he defended a kid against the bus driver. The kid made a loud noise as he described it. He said the kid was a little grade school kid and the bus driver threw the kid off the bus. R went nuts and told her she could not do that because it was too cold. And she booted his arse off the bus too.

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Wow, that bus driver sounds really harsh.

 

You can tell R's your son, I bet that's exactly what you'd have done. The bus driver's not going to know what hit her, haha.

There is probably more to the story I am sure because a lot of times people only see it their way . But still. I know it is because he went against an adult he got kicked off. But being she was the adult she should be using her head. That is endangering kids.

 

But yeah ,that's how he's my kid.

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I remembered some stuff my dad did that I forgot for 35 years. Wow. I told my mom. She said she felt sick. And then she said something I have never NEVER heard from her. She said, " why do you even give him the time of day? You give him too much of your time . He deserves nothing from you."

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I ended up driving him to school because it's another snowstorm today. So we are going to be hitting almost 30 cm on the ground since Sunday. I also forgot his uniform in the wash machine last night so we had to dry it this morning. It was the regular bus driver this morning and yesterday was a substitute bus driver. Anyway I will talk to the school when I go in to bring in his lunch today.

 

Today my freezer delivery also arrives.

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