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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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What really made me pissy was about five visits ago when she had to bring up my ethnicity and put it down. I am half French and half English. Anyway her sister owns a school bus company. In the area that her sister lives there are a lot of French families. Now keep in mind her sister's first husband was French so her nieces and nephews are half French as well. Her sister 's second husband was also French and the cousin of her first husband. Both her sister's husbands passed away.

 

For some bizarre unknown reason she decides to bring up these two weird stories. One time in Quebec 45 years ago they had a hard time in being insulted at a gas station once. UMMMM YEAH get over it was 45 freaking years ago. And I'm sure you've never been rude or racist in your life either eh lady? So to continue her story that the reason this person was rude to her is because they were French. Huh? And then she goes to tell another story about how on one of her sister's bus routes that these little children were acting up and annoying the bus driver and the only reason that they were doing that is because they are French. Wth??? Okay ,so there are no annoying little English kids?! Kids are kids lady.

 

Now both of these stories I've heard many times. It was not entertaining the first time and it certainly not entertaining the 20th time. You're obviously just trying to piss me off and get in an argument. I have been your daughter-in-law for 25 freaking years and you know very well I'm half French. So what is the point of the two stories? And in front of your grandson who's part French as well. Not only are you insulting his mother ,you're insulting his grandmother and you're insulting him too. And you're also insulting your own sister and your own blood nieces and nephews too you .

 

Yet she never tells these two stories in front of my husband though.

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Okay ,I'm about to lose my cracker! I just got a bill from FedEx for another $15 for that blankety-blank hat!!!!!! So now it is $70 freaking for a hat that was $20!!! And then he tries to give me a cuddle while here on his lunch. As if! Don't even bother dude!! You're such a child about this crap. You have 23 winter hats why do you need another one???!!!!!! You have 43 baseball caps literally. Guy crap my backside. You're a nut job.

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My son his second Christmas ,15 months old. At my in-laws.And that godforsaken bouncing tiger that my in-laws gave him that made him cry. And then my father-in-law got mad at a 15-month-old for being scared by a toy that bounces.

 

But he was such a cute baby boy!!!

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My son joined a Nintendo forum which is really kind of nerve-racking for me. I allowed it reluctantly but we went over some rules. He has to tell me when he's on the forum. You can talk to me anytime about anything anybody says on there. Do not give out your real name ,phone number or where you live. If anybody approaches you about meeting in person or even anything remotely like that tell me immediately. And tell me immediately if somebody is sexually or otherwise inappropriate.

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Pressure is getting to me. I am getting little cracks in the new me and the old me is starting to pop out at times. How do I fix that? So tomorrow is my last counseling session. Maybe I feel pressured because I think I won't make it alone? Maybe I feel pressured because it is the Christmas season? Everybody feels pressure during Christmas even if they love it. What really can I do to decrease the pressure? For about a week now I've been feeling really off the handle at times.

 

I think I'm just scared that's all. It is okay to be scared. Let's just acknowledge it ,feel it and move on. I will just tell my husband when he gets home that I'm starting to struggle with PTSD symptoms again. He always says we will get through it together.

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Yeah ,I think that's it I'm just afraid to jump off that cliff and be without help. But I can do it! Then the 20th all my commitments stop and the 23rd we go home.

 

But this is one of those time periods where I have to do everything either a few minutes at a time or everything is a day at a time. It is one of those time periods when bigger blocks of time are just a bit insurmountable.

 

So time to return to basics the skills that I was taught.

 

This is the life that I have to face . Five steps forward and two steps back ,five steps forward and two steps back for the rest of my life. It is an incredibly annoying and deeply sad thing to think of sometimes. At times it has even made me feel suicidal but I'm not going there. Sometimes the symptoms just get that uncomfortable. But I am never leaving my life.

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And going to my mother's will be stressful this year. Usually it is a sanctuary place for me. But this year my brother is unhappy and my mother is unhappy. And I know there will be upheaval. The ex hag caused upheaval for Thanksgiving she caused upheaval for my birthday and she'll do it for Christmas too. She just has no thoughts for anyone except herself not even for her own kids.

 

This week my brother has four Christmas dinners that he's invited to. So she has to make supper and put her own kids to bed. She has been balking and squawking about that. Because that is something my brother usually does. She will be doing a whole hell of a lot more of that when he's gone. And as he said when he left last night oh my god so sorry you have to look after your own children.

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The ability in CyberWorld of everybody to spy on everybody is just batcrap creepy. Let's go back to the 70s and 80s and earlier where you had to do the natural way. I'm not sure why people feel they are entitled to know absolutely everything about every single person on the planet after talking to each other for a week. It's creepy and it's gross. We have become a society of creepers and stalkers. GROSS.

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So we are giving the meeting a skip tonight. There's no real concrete information in it. I've been to the meeting three times about what the MF RC offers. I know what it offers I work there. Most of what it offers is not applicable to me since my son is not three. It caters to young families and that is not what we have.

 

So unless you have concrete information for me about where my husband is headed I don't need the meeting.

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There are two very distinct communities here. The base is one community which I would say is 95% young people. 95% of the people are 20s and all with young children. The basic age is 25 and they have three and four kids.

 

The other part of the community is the town. And the town I would say it's probably 70% old people retired from the base.

 

Neither of which these groups I fit into.

 

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I think I have overcommitted myself as well. So come the new year I have to have very strict boundaries about what and when I commit myself to.

*****************

 

My mother's worker within the agency came for her three-month visit yesterday. What she suggested about the movie situation and the 1 AM was to phone the after hours worker. And just go what the after hours worker has to say. She also said my sister's worker needs to put in more ideas and input into how she's raised. As she reminded my mother you're not her legal guardian we are. So we also need to put in input into how we feel she should be raised. You do a wonderful job but it shouldn't be entirely up to you. And you should not bear all the responsibilities of being frontline all the time.

 

But hey in two and a half years the Society is no longer her legal guardian.

 

But anyway that kind of was a bit of a relief to my mom that she could just phone the after hours worker and do what they recommend. And what her worker said they would've probably recommended was sending the police to pick her up.

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Sometimes people think volunteer = slave. When I do the toy cleaning in one of the daycare rooms on Monday I think that's what the daycare workers think. The first three times they had everything orderly and ready for us to clean. Now they just allow the kids to run helter-skelter ,the toys are thrown all over the place and they expect us to pick them up and then clean them and then put them away. No ,that is not the way it is supposed to work. I am not there to clean up the room for you I am there to sanitize toys. And I volunteered to do this so you don't have to do it. Plus in the beginning you would keep the kids to one part of the room so that we could do that. Now you let them run all over the place and throw around stuff we're trying organize and clean. I can "unvolunteer " to do this too. And then you can do it. So I'm going to talk to you once about it ,once ,yes once. As this should be bloody common sense to you. After that you're on your own and you can teach kids and clean toys at the same time. I don't mind doing the work but don't bloody disrespect me. And you're being disrespectful. I am not volunteering my time to be disrespected.

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^ He had a .942 save average. !!!! No other goalie even comes close to that. And five consecutive Stanley cups with the Montréal Canadiens. Seven Vezina trophies for best goalie. And the Hart trophy for leagues most valuable player.

 

He had an amazing career. He was a great innovator for the sport of hockey and a great goalie coach.

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