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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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The pain in my knee seems to be subsiding thank goodness, but I have really pampered it the last few days. Now I have a new problem with it which is similar to what I had years ago in that it locks up and causes instant pain or I can not have it at the proper angle it should be or it locks and causes pain. Man do I curse the person that did this to me originally.

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I can not wait to go home next week to see my mom and my nieces and my step dad and my little foster sister. We have not been home since Christmas and I miss everyone and feel home sick. My brother won't be there which is sad, he will be in Portland for work. Boo. I miss my brother. It is funny because I call him baby brother, even though he is 6 feet tall,muscular and pretty tough. To me he will always be my "baby brother". He calls me little big sister. Mind you all only when we talk in private. Other than that I call him by the short version of his name and he does the same with me.

 

I remember a few years back when our dad was missing and he wanted me to go with him to look through the hospitals in town for him. He said " you are the tough one, I can not do this alone, you have to come." That kind of brought me back to our childhood and he was SO shy. He was the nicest and sweetest little boy. Everyone loved him and he was the smartest kid in his class always. He started grade 1 at 4 years old and he could already read and multiply and divide and add and subtract. He was and still is very smart. I think the most important thing about him was and is how sweet and humble he is. When he was little I was his hero and he was my darling baby brother.Wow yeah, I miss him huge.

 

I miss my mom too, she was an almost every single day part of my life for 43 years. We mean a lot to each other and have suffered a lot of common pain and e have been constant companions for a long time, since I was a teen when I would travel with her on business. We have always been great buddies.

 

I miss my step dad too, because we always try to play mock each other and generally have a good laugh. He is a great guy and loves my son to pieces.

 

I miss my little foster sister because she is so sweet and helpful and has a great nature. She is also my son's best friend.

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I'm one of those people who feels that it is, in some way, selfish, for exactly the reasons Mousty outlined. But then, selfishness isn't always a bad thing. I wouldn't have wanted my mother to create me purely out of selflessness because I'd like to think that she did it for the joy and fulfillment it would bring her. I don't necessarily see selfish acts as a bad thing, usually they're positive, especially when they're based on love.

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I'm one of those people who feels that it is, in some way, selfish, for exactly the reasons Mousty outlined. But then, selfishness isn't always a bad thing. I wouldn't have wanted my mother to create me purely out of selflessness because I'd like to think that she did it for the joy and fulfillment it would bring her. I don't necessarily see selfish acts as a bad thing, usually they're positive, especially when they're based on love.

 

This I can understand UMA. I think my reaction is more to people to say, "why the heck have your own kids rather than adopt the millions that are out there that do not have parents". They are completely ignoring some major issues or do not feel the issues are important or what have you.

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Last night I was thinking about some very valuable things I have done in my life.

 

1. I went to and finished university

 

2. I have had my own business

 

3. I have worked for the cause of disadvantaged and poor children here and abroad, by fostering,mentoring and volunteering my time and money and resources

 

4. I have worked caring for the elderly

 

5. I have campaigned for human rights around the world.

 

6. I have been the best mother I can be.

 

7. I have served my country.

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I might, but I hate being looked at. It makes me cringe.

 

 

I was talking last night to my husband's aunt about my son's past bullying issue and she had some suggestions for me. She said I would take it to the College of Teachers if I do not get satisfaction and take it to the Bishop because Catholic schools have the right to expel disruptive students and send them to the public system. And of course she agreed with my stance of calling the police. She said someone in her area had just successfully sued the board for allowing bullying and she would set me up with that person if my son continues to have problems.

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I have often wondered why people think having children is selfish. To me it is entirely about love. You love someone enough to give them a child. You love the world enough to share your genetics and love with it. You love your child enough to give them life. Love is the only thing in my mind. I do not get it. How is that selfish?

 

I was once told that i should never have children because I was too selfish. I was very self-absorbed, but not for the reasons that they thought. I couldn't see outside of myself for a long while (you know my story, and I'm sure understand why).

 

I don't see how having a child is selfish. You sacrifice a lot to make a life for a child, and I too do it out of love. My baby girl means the world to me, and I would give my life for her. Not exactly selfish. Sure, she's biological rather than adopted, but sue me. I don't care what people think. I love her more than life.

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My baby girl means the world to me, and I would give my life for her. Not exactly selfish.

 

Would you give her life to save the lives of two other children you've never met? Of course not. Selfishness means looking out for what's yours, including your own children. Children are just an extension of yourself. I would give my life for my daughter's in an instant, because if anything happened to her, she'd take me with her anyway.

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Her life is not mine to give, nor would I ever give it. You are right about that. I just don't see it as selfishness. Maybe my thoughts on that word are different than some people, but it has very negative connotations to me, and I will never see raising my child in a negative way.

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I was once told that i should never have children because I was too selfish. I was very self-absorbed, but not for the reasons that they thought. I couldn't see outside of myself for a long while (you know my story, and I'm sure understand why).

 

I don't see how having a child is selfish. You sacrifice a lot to make a life for a child, and I too do it out of love. My baby girl means the world to me, and I would give my life for her. Not exactly selfish. Sure, she's biological rather than adopted, but sue me. I don't care what people think. I love her more than life.

 

Me too. I love my son SO much, and I have almost given my life away literally twice so he could have his. I am not sure you were selfish exactly, but more had a lot to work out. I do not see that as selfish at all. As you know too I had a lot to work out and in some sense still do. But that is not selfish, it is making yourself a better person.

 

Yeah, that is what I think too, sue me, so I had my own kid. I think people just think that having a child,any child is the goal. Maybe for some it is. For me it is part of a relationship and it is part of a process. It is carrying on my own genetics and that of my family, it is carrying on the species.

 

I think what REALLY irks me, is it is the same people who tell to adopt if you want kids are the same people who tell you to take your face out of their reproductive life, but they are more than happy what to tell you to do with yours.

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Would you give her life to save the lives of two other children you've never met? Of course not. Selfishness means looking out for what's yours, including your own children. Children are just an extension of yourself. I would give my life for my daughter's in an instant, because if anything happened to her, she'd take me with her anyway.

 

That is how I feel. If my son died, my life is over. Just put me in his casket I am done.

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Yes, this.

 

Exactly. A lot of 'positive' things in life are done out of selfishness too, such as giving to the poor. You do it because it makes you feel good.

All humans are selfish individuals, it's what drives us to act - it's just which actions you take out of the selfishness that defines you.

 

I could also go on about how nothing is really positive or negative, it's just a perception but I think you get the point.

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Exactly. A lot of 'positive' things in life are done out of selfishness too, such as giving to the poor. You do it because it makes you feel good.

All humans are selfish individuals, it's what drives us to act - it's just which actions you take out of the selfishness that defines you.

 

I could also go on about how nothing is really positive or negative, it's just a perception but I think you get the point.

 

I can see it in that sense, but you are doing it for yourself and for the other people too.

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Well exactly, you are performing the action because your perception of the action is benefical and because you believe it's the right thing to do.

Other people may perceive that same action as negative for factors you may not have considered or other, and they believe it's the wrong thing to do.

 

It always come down to an evaluation of self - but the action affects other people because of your beleifs.

 

I don't have a negative connotation on the word selfish unlike the popular definition of the word.

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Well exactly, you are performing the action because your perception of the action is benefical and because you believe it's the right thing to do.

Other people may perceive that same action as negative for factors you may not have considered or other, and they believe it's the wrong thing to do.

 

It always come down to an evaluation of self - but the action affects other people because of your beleifs.

 

I don't have a negative connotation on the word selfish unlike the popular definition of the word.

 

I completely see what you are saying. Thanks for being a positive person, I really like that.

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I think my eyes will pop out if my son talks anymore about this Pokemon game. He is on about it NON STOP for a month before he got it. He got it Sunday and has already beat the game and he is STILL TALKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!! I told him the thing is going to get confiscated if he does not stop talking about it endlessly. Man he needs a better filter as to be able to tell when people have had enough already.When he likes something he just goes into this hyper focus about it and it becomes everything, and he talks and talks and talks about it. I think I have snapped about it twice in the past month. There are some days I can not take it and he just HAS to learn to stop.

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I am going to have to get to the gym regularly again because I can feel my anxiety increasing x2 every day. I have started having panic attacks again and it will only be a matter of time before my blood pressure starts to go back up if it has not already. Heal knee heal.

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Well last night sucked. I have broken out in hives all over my neck. There are some situations I really need to step back from temporarily before I drive myself around the bend. As much as you can love and adore someone, some times silence and peace is golden.

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When does one stop being a parent, once you are? I would say never.Even when your child is an adult, they will always be your child. Yes, they are adult but one can not help but feel protective and want your child to do well. So where is it when you cross the line between concern and pushy?

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